


Child of the Lost Time

by Demisses



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-10
Updated: 2016-10-27
Packaged: 2018-03-07 00:39:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 50,511
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3154325
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Demisses/pseuds/Demisses
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After losing her family her home and her memories a young Elvhen girl is set on a journey to regain them and the time stolen from her. It will take the help of many including a mysterious mage of her own kind who travels the fade and reminds her of a time she has forgotten. Rated M for themes of Violence and those of a romantic nature.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Fall

**Author's Note:**

> Hello All! Had to get this story off my mind! I hope you enjoy. What you recognize from the game/books/wiki are not mine.

 

 

“Mel, Shiral! You must take my staff of Mythal and run. Hide. The city is falling and you mustn’t fall with it!”

“Mamae! Yo.. you are coming!”

“No emma lath, I am not. I am needed here”.

“You are needed with us!”

“Shiral you must be strong. Take your sister and the staff and you run and you never stop. When it is safe use the key to- The sounds of screaming comes closer and the roar of dragons rumbles the city. Go! Now!”

“Mamae!”

And so the great dreamer Iselva watched as her children ran into the darkness. Their black hair and bright green eyes full of fear and grief which were so like her own left her sight and she fell to her knees and the earth shook one last time before the world around Iselva collapsed.

_Hours before…_

Rocky cliffs slick with ocean spray and seaweed, the sound of birds chirping and cawing, the sea salt and sand in her hair, the cool breeze brushing her young cheeks. Len’Melava stood silently as she judged and calculated the distance to her next leap.

Len’Melava or ‘Mel’ to those that love her raised her hands to her wind teased black hair and twisted the long strands into a tight knot. She assumed the position in preparation to make her leap for the small, slick overhang when with a sly smile she straightened once more. A hand on her chin Mel considered her quarry and hid a grin as she heard a groan behind her.

“Mel you’ve made this jump countless times. Hurry up!” Her twin brother Uth’Shiral complained.

This particular cliff on the edges of the endless sea was of no particular challenge to the young elvhen but she liked to make her impatient and slightly younger brother wait. “Calm yourself Shiral! We are to take our first lessons with the Dreamers tomorrow. It wouldn’t do to be reckless and break our necks when we have finally been accepted.”

Shiral shook his matching black hair from his eyes and tried to ignore the sing of the salt in his eyes. “Please don’t act as if we have never dreamed before. Mamae has been teaching us for years now.”

Mel rolled her eyes and looked over her shoulder to her brother, her best friend, and her confidant. “And you know the elder’s mustn’t know. Besides we have never been welcomed into the Veil Tower. Now hush lest we fall to our deaths and leave our Mamae full of grief. You know we are not supposed to be here.”

“Then why did you drag me from my wood crafting lesson?”

Mel gave him a secret smile. “As if you actually enjoy those stuffy lessons.” Mel said mockingly. “You will see. Hush.” Turning back to her goal, Mel planted her bare feet firmly and lined her body to the small ledge. Letting out one last breath Mel took two quick steps before leaping from the wet rock, her fingers gripped the ledge firmly and with strong arms she fluidly pulled herself up to the cliff.

Despite having made the leap many times in the years before she always felt exhilarated, the feeling of adventure humming in her blood. Mel hopped out of the way as her dear brother made the same accomplishment just as easily as she had and she led the way to their destination.

After a long moment of silence Shiral grew impatient once more and his curiosity was running wild. “Alright _Len’Melava_ , I no longer recognize the path we are on. Where are you taking us?”

“Alrigh _t Uth’Shiral._ Remember last cycle when one of the hunters thought I would be receptive of his attentions?” Mel didn’t bother with looking back to see Shiral’s nod, she knew that he did. “The little upstart was behaving rudely as you know. I couldn’t have that so I led him out to the rocks and he may have… _slipped_ on a bit of frost and fell into the water.”

Mel smiled at the sound of her brothers’ chuckle. It was deep and warm. “A bit of frost in the middle of the second harvest? Imagine that.”

“Yes well it was a bit colder that day than normal.” Mel stopped talking as she ducked below low branches and in a small clearing was a darkened stone archway leading down into the ground. The steps were covered in over grown moss and vines.

Shiral hesitated and looked around the surrounding trees. “Where have the birds gone?”

With a shrug, Mel continued her story. “Who cares? Back to the story. Naturally I was not going to be there for when the bothersome hunter finally pulled himself from the water so I went to the cliffs and explored.”

“Alone? _Ar tu na'din_! And if I don’t then one of those Tevinter shems could have!” Shiral exclaimed.

“Tch! They could have tried! And they would have failed.” Mel bit back.

“Did you even have your staff with you?”

“I do not need a staff.” Mel ground out. She was becoming very proficient with magic but she had always the thought of using a silly stick and waving it around wildly was all a bit ridiculous. .

“You are better with a staff. Mamae says so.”

Mel threw up a hand. “I will no longer discuss this. Mamae does not know everything. Now may I please finish?”

Shiral shook his head but gestured for her to continue anyways.

“Good. As I was saying before, during my explorations I came across this tunnel. It was caved in and over the course of the past few days I had been coming here before the day’s lessons and clearing the rubble. Come. I’ll show you where it leads.”

And the siblings each fashioned and lit a torch with a spark from their hands and Mel led the way into the small cramped tunnel, Shiral mumbling that he had wondered where she had been on those early mornings.

Shiral muttered a curse a moment after entering the tunnel. “You don’t think you could have found a bigger tunnel to explore?”

This brought a smile to Mel’s once tight expression and she glanced back to enjoy the sight of her tall brother hunched over. “Come now it will widen. Watch your step. It gets steep from here.

The path was long and more than a little treacherous but eventually they reached a door made of stone and Mel pushed it open. Using her hands she pushed the long vines and bushes out of their path. “Here we are!” Mel said proudly.

Shiral looked around his nose wrinkled. “Arlathan? All of that just to get back into the city?”

“Tch it’s not the fact that it leads to the city but the fact that it obviously hadn’t been used in many long years.”

“Mel that was a waste of time! If Mamae finds out that we snuck out of our lessons for… for-“ Shiral broke off as the first roar and screams filled the air.

After a brief panic filled look the two sprinted for their home, their Mamae.

\---They hadn’t wanted to leave her. Leave their home. They didn’t have a father to leave, as one of the mysteries about the twins of the origin of their conception. Dreamer Iselva was greatly known through the Elvhenan as having great talent and finding the solution to anything in the fade.

During one particular journey, sixteen years before the Teventer Empire destroyed Arlathan, she emerged from the Fade and after a short time learns she was with child. The time had been great since Iselva had taken a lover, leaving no doubt that the father of her unborn children was a mystery.

A few of the elders suggested that the Gods had gifted her because of her notable work with filling their libraries with knowledge of the fade.

Iselva however had always believed that her children were not a gift to her but a gift for something greater. Something much more important than herself, and she always told them so. Do their studies, work hard in their practice, and always treat the servants with kindness. They were important to the Gods and they would need the love of their people.

This was of little import now as the two young Elvhen stumbled and ran back toward the hidden tunnel Mel had dragged them through. This time Shiral pulled his sister through the vines, not bothering to find their torches, and into the dark wet tunnel.

And they left the sounds of fear and pain, they left their elders, their home, their friends, behind and they ran.

\--Both were exhausted when they at last stopped to rest inside of a cave as far from their home as they could before collapsing. Neither spoke as they huddled near the back of the cave, their Mamae’s staff gripped across their laps as they caught their breath.

It was difficult to process what had happened as neither was sure. They knew the Shems where greedy for land and resources, for the knowledge and power their people had. Seems their own had fallen easier than they thought could have been possible.

The siblings leaned against the other as they drifted to sleep only to be awoken by the sound of armored boots on stone echoing through the cavern.

Her eyes wild Mel looked around frantically for an escape. “Shiral there’s nowhere to go!”

Shiral closed his eyes. “We must survive. Hide the staff and don’t fight.”

Mel began to argue, her green eyes on fire. “But-“

“Mamae _needs_ us to survive this. We can do this.”

Mel swallowed and nodded. Quickly she hid the staff beneath a few rocks and joined her brother where he knelt, his head bowed and submissive. It went against every single part of her to join him, grabbing his hand in hers, the pained grief in his eyes was difficult to bear but she knew he was right.

Shouts began to fill their ears and rough hands pulled them apart. Mel struggled to keep her voice from shouting for her brother. Her last thoughts as darkness overcame them. ‘We will endure this.’

\--- _Three years after the fall_

_“Run Mel! I’ll hold him back but you must run!”_

_“No Shiral I cannot lose you!”_

_“And I will not allow the Magister to destroy you entirely. You- You were always more important than I. Mamae knew we would need you. You must survive. I will be the one to endure.”_

_“Shiral do not be a fool! They will kill you for this.”_

_Mel fought back a tear as her dear brother pulled his stained and worn slaves robe from around his shoulders and used it to wrap her bare and shivering form. Giving her a sad smile he used a touch of magic to erase the bruise under her eye and the split in her lip._

_“You must then grow strong, stronger than you were before they tried to break us. And you must use that strength and rain their blood from the highest of the mountains.”_

_A sob caught in her throat as the last piece of her life came crumbling down. She was stubborn and pliant at the same time as Shiral pushed her toward the window._

\---Len’Melava had never felt such terrible cold in her short life. Once she would have told you that the river on a brisk third harvest day was cold but she changed that to the first time she slept on the stone in the slaves’ dungeon. Neither of those compared to walking through a blizzard in the middle of nowhere.

Using what magic she could muster she attempted to keep warm but the wind and snow caused her hands to go numb. Clumps of ice clung to the thin cloth Shiral had wrapped her in and her clothing under that was thin and torn, offering no protection.

Mel fought the uncontrollable shudders her body was giving and concentrated on moving one frozen barefoot in front of the next. Forcing the certainty that her other half, her brother was dead, to the far reaches of her mind.

Loosing track of time and place long ago Mel at last fell into the deep snow, and huddled into a ball. Mel had never been a devout follower of the Gods. To her they were far away stories of great men and women that people came to love more than anyone else. But Mel felt like praying but who do you pray to help you escape such a situation. Mythal?

From her position kneeing in the snow and wind Mel caught sight of a dark figure just beyond the small light of the moon.

“Wh-wh-who…?” Mel attempted to get out more but her voice was frozen within her chest.

The dark figured only stared at her from the distance as if it were waiting.

“I- I c-c-can’tt.”

No reply, only the howling wind.

Mel closed her eyes and took deep breaths of icy air and slowly, weakly struggled to stand. She fell more than once as she followed the figure. She followed, no longer caring where she was going. It could have been back to the Magisters for all she knew but her need for warmth was becoming life threatening. She followed.

If she had been of sound mind she would have noticed the beautiful statues, the lovely fountain that flowed as if the weather were warm. The pavilion offered little protection from the cold but the snow was not welcome in there.

The girl collapsed against the nearest statue, that of a wolf and sank to the stone floor. Mel closed her eyes, and allowed her mind to drift. As her mind drifted her blue hands gained their feeling, her toes and legs warmed and Mel smiled as the sun warmed her face.

Blinking her eyes she gazed around the little garden. There were green grass and colorful flowers. Birds flitted from tree to tree, each full of life and energy. Keeping her shoulders wrapped Mel slowly stood, strength filling her limbs and feeling full, she stepped from the garden and saw a great black wolf seated just out of reach.

Mel brushed her black hair from her eyes and smiled kindly at the wolf. “Hello there. This is a lovely garden you have. May I explore a bit longer?” her smile deepened as the wolf joined her side and she gave it a soft pat on the head.

And so the two walk through the trees and flowers. Passing statues and caves, temples and castles. At first there was only silence between them but eventually Mel allowed her grief and sadness to enter her mind and the girl began to tell the wolf of her life. Of her dreams, her hopes, her fears and her nightmares. She talked about her Mamae and Shiral. The fall of her home, her life. Her life as a slave. The day she was forced to have a vallaslin etched upon her once mark free face, forever identifying her as a slave.

The girl became lost in time, loosing herself in this garden of the wolves’. The more she told of her knowledge, of her memories, the more she began to forget them. First she forgot her slavers then her friends and teachers, the elders, her joys and hurts were next. She didn’t even notice that she was forgetting her Mamae and Shiral. All she was left with was her name.

When at last she had spoken of everything she ever knew, ever experienced, a heavy weariness settled upon the girl.

“I think I’ll rest now lovely wolf.”

As always the wolf kept silent and watched as she settled against a tree and closed her eyes. A soft smile still on her lips.

“This is a lovely place dear friend. I never want to leave.” Mel opened her eyes slightly as she felt the wolf sit next to her, lying their head across her lap. She lightly ran her fingers across the soft dark fur. “If you’ll have me I would stay forever.” She whispered as she slipped into her sleep.

When she awoke the wolf was gone but Mel only vaguely remembered the weight of something warm in her lap and the softness of fur threaded through her fingers. Giving into a long stretch the girl pushed the long pale hair from her face and tied it into a knot and sprung to her feet.

A light energy hummed through her body. Mel never considered that she might be lost and in a strange place and had a complete lack of memories but she was an adventurous sort and so she picked a direction and began to walk.

After many days of walking, hunting, and sleeping beneath the stars Mel came across a strange sight. People like herself. With a curious smile she left the trees she had been watching from and walked right up to the oldest person there. Ignoring the stares and whispers of the onlookers.

With a slight bow of respect Mel introduced herself. “Honored Elder, I am Len’Melava of... ” Mel paused as her mind failed to recall this part of her introduction. “I must apologize Elder. I-I cannot recall where I am from.

The old and startled elder looked around cautiously for an incoming attack. Finding no cause for immediate concern she turned back toward the curious youth before her. She was clothed in rags, her white hair was knotted and an unkempt mess. Her vallaslin was that of Mythal and there were a couple of small scars on her face.

“Welcome Len’Melava. Come with me and we can talk. I am Keeper Deshanna Istimaethoriel Lavellan.”

 


	2. Becoming Salvation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N Thank you for those that have read so far! Sometimes I will borrow dialog from the game, at times I will enter my own, or describe what was said without using the dialog. Hopefully none of this will bother you and you will continue to enjoy. The game portion may not be as in depth; I will hit main points and add my own occasionally. This is foremost a Solas/Inquisitor story and while I adore the story of them falling in love, I am mainly hoping to get to what happens after the end of the game. I am impatient and cannot wait for the DLC/Next game to address the out of nowhere twist with Solas so I’m doing my own to console myself and hopefully all of you with a broken heart as well. Also excuse my lack of fluent Elven. I can barely put together English :) much less anything as intricate as a language there is very little known about. One last note. At the beginning of each chapter I hope to put together a memory of Mel’s. I have several ideas but if you have anything that pops in your mind please send and I’ll be happy to write it and credit you. I seem to get all kinds of ideas when I am reading the work of others so I am very receptive of yours!

_"Have I yet told you the time I learned to swim kind wolf? Quite by accident. Shiral and I were much too young but we were curious. Always curious so very much to Mamae's dismay. One day Shiral and I were meant to be tending to Mamae's garden. She had the most wondrous garden that I ever saw in Arlathan. Full of every flower and there were many birds and trees._

_Shiral and I were in there for most of our lives I’m sure. But as we planted seeds of elfroot we overheard a fisherman bragging that he found a ring in the Crystal River and he planned to give it to the songstress who had arrived the night before. She had a truly beautiful voice. I can see why he was so enamored. The fisherman’s brother, a weaver I believe, asked Fisherman if there might be more in the river._

_Fisherman was absolutely positive that there would be more and Weaver made plans with Fisherman to go back the next day. Now Shiral and I we have this silent way of speaking at times and this was one of those times. He looked at me and I looked at him and in unison we scampered out of the garden with nary a word to Mamae and after asking many passerby’s the way, we at last made it to the river._

_To our luck Fisherman had left his fishing gear near the edge of the river so we began our search there. Starting out in the shallows and wading further from shore until our little feet could no longer touch the bottom. In the midst of our panic and will to survive we somehow made it to shore, certainly much more exhausted than we were before and it was a moment later Mamae discovered us. Shiral and I had to leave our short lived treasure hunting days behind for a time._

_But that is another story…. Would you like to hear dear wolf?”_

 

 

The Lavellan were cautious about the outsider. Her lack of memories and her constant questions. Her strange accent and her use of their language were at times very confusing. The Lavellan learned that not only did she not have memories of herself but of their ways and their customs and more shocking she couldn’t recall a single fact of their history.

Keeper Deshanna could not allow such a lack of knowledge and began to oversee Mel's education herself. And Mel soaked up every word, ever bit of information the Keeper could offer.

Learning everything from the origin of her Vallaslin in a coming of age ceremony to the purpose of elfroot and the fear of demons.

The Lavellan realized quickly in the following days of the arrival of Len'Melava that she was a mage. Mel herself was ever more astonished than they were, and was more eager than ever to learn.

However when Keeper Deshanna handed Mel a staff for the first time Mel wrinkled her nose in disgust. It was only at the Keepers firm insistence that the young woman accepted the staff and began to learn how to channel her energy through the tool.

The young mage became consumed with learning, filling her mind that had been so full of emptiness. She began forming memories and the days and weeks quickly slipped into a year. Mel eventually forgot that she wasn't truly accepted into the clan, she was more considered a long staying guest rather than a valued member of their society.

She eventually stopped trying to form close relationships with the others her age. Mel became content to watch as a young couple fell in love, offering encouragement when they allowed fear or shyness to keep them apart. Occasionally and only when Mel was alone did she ask her missing memories if there had been someone who looked at her with love and wonder? Had she looked at someone in the same way?

The children were a delight and if their Mamae allowed, Mel would spend the days teaching her of games and songs. Piece by piece Mel built a life for herself among the Dalish. Her daily lessons with the Keeper, her time spent gathering herbs and collecting interesting books or exploring ruins as they moved to their seasonal camps.

Sleeping beneath the stars when the weather was amiable and singing along to the various Dalish ceremonies. Her lack of childhood memories bothered her little and she did not allow loneliness to take away from the spirit she felt when she ran with the Hallas or swam with the clan hunter’s dogs.

Then the time came when a passing band of Dwarven merchants stopped to trade and offer the latest in news of Ferelden. A war had broken out between mages and Templars and the call for a meeting. A conclave. Mel wasn’t entirely sure what the Templars were but she found the idea of war against mages angered her.

When Keeper Deshanna came to Mel after much consideration and asked the young woman to attend this Conclave at the Temple of Sacred Ashes and report back everything which is said, Mel readily agreed.

Not many were sad to see her go, her oddness disconcerting for them but they were nervous about the war. Too many times their people had been caught in the middle of such problems brought about by the Shems.

With determination, Mel packed a light traveling pack, accepted her staff and set out on the path the Dwarves had told her. She never looked back and she never considered that she wouldn’t see the small clan for a very long time if she ever did at all.

\---Solas ignored the shouts of various soldiers following orders and frightened villagers muttering stories about the supposed murderer of the Divine Justinia. Rather than listen to their abrasive voices and instead he concentrated on his charge, the supposed murderer.

"I am not convinced you are any such thing." He said quietly as he considered the mage. Her hair was an unnatural white that didn’t suit her sun touched skin, his examination of her eyes revealed dilated pupils surrounded by a thin ring of green. He frowned at her vallaslin, the blood mark dark and hid her features. The scars on her face gave him the suspicion of physical violence.

After wiping the sheen of sweat from her face he went back to recording the random mutterings from the very young Elvhen woman. And wrote every word she said that could be made out, hoping for some clue as to who she was, where she was from and why she walked out of the fade. How was she linked to the explosion of the temple? And the green light engulfing her left hand...

So many unanswered questions and he knew that if he could not wake her soon then it would be more than just her life Seeker Cassandra would want.

With a sigh Solas adjusted his position as he read over his more recent notes. Her belligerence was rapid at times and hardly legible. The oddest part was the various word of ancient Elvhen he made out.

“ _Too many eyes._ Curious. What sort of nightmare are you trapped in? _Hear a story. Nuvenin nan._ Revenge… for what?”

"Solas we need you!" The apostate was pulled from his study by the call from Leliana.

"How may I be of service Spymaster?" Solas asked as he stood beside the marked woman.

Leliana briefly studied their prisoner before giving her attention to Solas. "Reports just arrived of another rift, this one dangerously close. We need answers."

Solas looked down at the woman as she groaned and grasped her marked hand to her chest, her teeth clenched in pain.

"It seems she will awaken just in time. I will go to this new rift and help where I can. Bring her the moment she does awaken. Perhaps she is the key... do not allow the Lady Seeker to execute her before I try one last time."

Leliana nodded. "I will inform Cassandra. Take Varric and meet the scouts at the gate. Hold the demons off as long as you can."

"As you wish." Solas nodded first to the infamous bard as she left the prisoners cell. Once he collected his staff and shrugged on a lightly armored coat he stopped to gently pat the returning sweat from her skin. " _Dareth shiral_."

\---To say Mel was confused, hurting, and afraid would be only the beginning to explain her current emotions. To awaken to searing pain running the length of her arm. An incredibly intimidating and angry warrior asking questions and accusing her of horrendous crimes. And once again no memory of the recent events.

Mel had seen a human before though it had been very rarely and only when the clan she had been with was in need of something the traveling merchant had. As Mel followed the warrior called Cassandra through the crowd of angry Shems she wanted to explain to them that she would never hurt anyone. She was innocent. If they would only give her a chance.

The great hole in the sky roared and debris rained down, causing both warrior and mage to flinch and Mel to cry out as the pain seared in her hand and arm. Cursing the green energy surrounding them she began to fear that the Seeker was right. This was going to kill her.

Her first encounter with a demon was almost more exhilarating than it was frightening. Having never used her gift of magic to cause pain, Mel was briefly unsure if she would be able to manage defending herself. That all changed when on pure instinct Mel picked up a staff laying in the ice and used it to throw a bolt of lightning at the horrible creature. Adrenalin hummed in her blood.

The way its deformed body shuddered briefly before moving to attack again encouraged Mel to send her onslaught of attacks again and again until the demon melted into the ice. She wasn’t sure where it had gone, if she had truly destroyed it but at least she was alive. After a brief argument with Cassandra, she was able to keep her weapon. For the first time since she had learned just what a staff could do she was happy to have one.

The two women continued their fight through the awful twisted creatures until they came upon a terrifying sight. A green cloud of lightning and screams, various people in a fight for their lives against the demons coming from the rift. Mel stood still in what was close to awe. Her staff held loose in her hands and she whispered “The Fade.”

A whisper of something she once knew clawed at the back of her mind, her brow wrinkled as she struggled to reach it. She was brought from her desire to remember by a cry of pain, a human scout clutched her bloody chest. The demon guilty for the wound reared back a jagged claw and acting on instinct again Mel began her attack, drawing the attention to herself.

Not a second after the demon was defeated did Mel feel a hand grip her wrist tightly and hold it toward the angry rift. Mel had to look away from the blinding green light and clenched her jaw at the intense pain radiating through her arm.

When the rift collapsed upon itself with a crack of thunder Mel stared at her glowing hand in awe and then in more awe at the Elvhen that had held her wrist. A thin angular face, made all the more sharp by his lack of hair, blue eyes with a only hint of relief in them and more of a calculating edge, and a mage’s staff slung across his back. Mel found him more intimidating than the Seeker.

Mel swallowed and found her voice nervously. “Wh-what did you do?”

He gave her a calm smile. “ _I_ did nothing. The credit is yours.”

Mel listened to his explanation, his suspicions in how the breach in the sky was linked to her mark, the possibility that she could close the breach and she felt the weight of the world settle on her shoulders. Suddenly she was responsible for saving herself, him, and everyone.

Introductions with a sarcastic dwarf named Varric where exchanged, fascinated that he had named his weapon and Mel considered naming her staff. She wasn’t sure she would ever think favorably of the object but it had been useful in her time of need.

Then the introduction from Solas and the reveal that he had cared for her while she had been unconscious.

“ _Ma serannas_ Pride.” Mel whispered. “My name is Len’Melava… Lavellan. Please call me Mel.”

At his curious nod Mel listened to the words between the interesting dwarf and the angry Seeker, holding her voice when she was curious about the relationship and she picked up on the fact that Solas knew more about the breach and her mark. Learning the fact that he explored the Fade.

“A dreamer.” Mel gazed at him and frowned once more as a far off memory pulled at her. She listened as the mage explained his wish to aid in closing the breach, his tone commanding and arrogant. Following the three down the mountain the rest of the day became a blur.

She remembered defending herself to an angry Shem and the snap in Solas’ voice as he commented about the Dalish and her need to defend them without revealing that she was not actually of the clan. She was becoming increasingly tired of strangers accusing and judging her.

The terrifying image of people charred and burned, the pain and fear they must have felt made Mel feel as if she were suffocating. To hear her voice say words she had no memory of saying was chilling. A battle with an enormous demon that gave a hideous laugh at their attacks, the crushing feel as a powerful fist slammed into her back, sending her headfirst into the stony wall and just barely closing the angry rift with her life.

Darkness welcoming her once more as she used the foreign magic to close the rift.

 

 

 

 


	3. Rise of the Herald

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N Borrowed some of BioWare’s dialog.

_We Elvhen have a special relationship with the Fade. Did you know Wolf? Mamae is- was… the most talented Dreamer. She had gone further into the Fade than anyone else. She witnessed the first use of magic by our ancestors and she said it was beautiful. I wanted to find these precious pieces of lost history. I wanted to be just like Mamae. And it was only natural that Shiral and I would pester her until she taught us to explore the Fade._

_Without the Elders knowing of course. We were much too young to understand the dangers but we knew our Mamae would protect us. Walking through the Fade is… is… an experience unlike anything I have yet to come across. To walk through ruins and find them whole again, to seek the wisdom of spirits wise beyond the most respected of the Elders… to watch a beautiful moment between a daughter and her father as he walks with her upon his shoulders. I never wanted to leave._

_Watching the memories was addicting…. But I grew to miss my beautiful Mamae and my kind Shiral. So I awoke and when I did I found Mamae and Shiral waiting for me with smiles and love, both eager to hear what I had experienced and to tell me about their own. And as I held them tight I vowed to always come back to them. To never let them go. Why did I let them go dear Wolf?_

 

 

 

Awakening with a name begging to be shouted but instead was lost in a groan of pain. Mel frowned as she sat up from the bed and stretched her sore back and tender shoulders. A quick look around revealed that she was in someone’s residence.

“Well at least I am no longer to bed down in the dungeon.” She mumbled to herself. A short moment later she was startled by the intrusion of a young elven servant and completely bewildered by the girl’s behavior. The near fear and respect was odd to say the least.

It did not compare to the way the Shems stared at her however, as she made her way to the Chantry. Where before they had snarled at her with hate and anger now they reached for her with hope and reverence, and Mel heard the Herald of Andraste whispered more than once.

Mel was uncertain about the following events as the all happened so quickly. She was introduced to a commander of armies and a commander of diplomats…. She hoped she had that right. And together with Cassandra and Leliana some sort of plan was established. And Inquisition. Their mission was to stop the fighting and find help and resources to close the breach.

Easy enough Mel was sure. After hours in the Chantry she was more than ready to volunteer to go search for Mother Giselle and offering a bit of help to the refugees where she could. Excitement at the thought of an adventure eased Mel’s sore muscles and it didn’t take long for her to gather her supplies.

Cassandra had already informed her that she was willing to make the journey with her, offering her sword as protection. Mel was certain she would not need the help of others but the Seeker was stubborn. After giving into Cassandra, Mel wondered if Varric would like to go. She had quickly caught on that he was always on the look for a story to tell.

The dwarf was more than willing and happy that she had asked. He shooed Mel away from his tent so that he could gather his own supplies and said he would be waiting by Haven’s gate.

That left one more to ask and Mel was not even certain she wanted to ask him to join her. He had been very disconcerting the day before after meeting him. the arrogant way he discussed the Dalish, his mocking tone.

Mel sighed and began to search the small village for the other apostate. His lack of respect towards the people who had offered her their knowledge aside he was obviously quite knowledgeable. And his skill would be very useful during the journey to come.

When she came across him standing off to the side along, watching the other residents in a calculating way, she was determined to keep the conversation short and simple.

“Alright Mel, just go up there and ask him politely if he would like to join you and a bit of adventure. If he says no leave it at that. Just bow politely and go meet the others at the gate. And if he says yes….”

“The chosen of Andraste, a blessed hero to save us all.” Solas nodded as Mel slowly approached him.

His tone was still mocking but the sincere smile told Mel that he was not mocking her and she felt warmed by the thought. Her own tone became playful as she went along with the absurd title.

However a moment later his manner turned vulnerable as he considered whether she would be a worthy hero worth the spirits remembering. Mel chose to ignore his prying and instead turned the questions on him. If there was one thing Mel was fascinated by it was of stories from long ago.

And as it turns out, Solas’ journeys through the Fade made him a well of stories. Mel had to reign in her curiosity though when she noticed a slight vulnerability come about him. His uncertainty of the amount of welcome Cassandra would allow seemingly had the intimidating apostate… hesitant.

With just that small glimpse of a real emotion Mel went from reluctant to include him to desperately wanting to protect him. From Cassandra? From the judgment of shems? Mel couldn’t be certain but she did know that she couldn’t allow him to simply slip away with him feeling unwanted or unneeded.

“You came here to help, Solas. I won’t let them use that against you.”

“How would you stop them?”

“However I had to.” Mel said with a bit more fervor than was warranted.

Solas’ eyes widened but he simply gave a polite thank you. After a moment Mel bit her lip and gathered her courage.

“Leliana has asked if I would travel to the Hinter Lands and make contact with a cleric of the Chantry. Varric and Cassandra are already making preparations to join me. I balked at the instance that I need help but I wondered if you come with me. Lend me your knowledge and aid should it be required?”

Solas held his hands behind his back and gave a slight bow and a polite smile. “It is yours. I will be ready to leave at once.”

Mel felt her face light in a wide smile and she backed away. “Thank you… Solas.”

\---The moment the gates closed behind them Solas vowed to keep a close eye on the young Elvhen woman. For a time she seemed exceptionally ordinary. Quiet for a time but he noticed her curiosity was difficult for her to control and she began to ask questions.

She asked Varric about his life and his travels, his friends and his family. “Why is your crossbow named?”

For once Varric became closed off and evaded the question. His lack of answers did not put her off and instead she began the same with Cassandra much to the Seekers dismay.

Their travel had started at midday so they did not walk for long before the sun began to set and they were forced make their first camp. Once the tents were erected and a warm fire lit, Solas noticed Len’Melava doing something rather odd.

She seemed to be gathering stones of flowers and set them in a circle just outside of their camp. One stone with one flower set atop. Nine of them.

Solas approached her crouched form slowly. “Len’Melava, may I ask what you are doing?”

Mel didn’t look up but continued her project. “Keeper Deshanna told me that if you are on a journey you should always ask the Gods for their protection and pay your respects by making some sort of offering to them. I am not so sure that I believe it but in these days it is better to be safe rather than sorry.”

Solas couldn’t keep the surprise from his voice. “A Dalish Elvhen with doubts about what the Gods would want?”

Mel brushed her hands against her legs as she stood to admire her work. “Yes well, don’t tell the Keeper but I know a good story when I hear one.” Mel left out the part about her missing memories. For all she knew she did believe in deities and had simply lost them.

“Do you believe in the Maker then?”

Mel looked at him, a slight frown. “They all sound a bit fantastic if you ask me. No I believe in memories and experiences. I read that we lost much of what we had at the hands of… Teventer…” she turned her gaze away to watch the darkness.

Solas was almost unsettled. He had become accustomed to everyone believing in either one or the other. This _Dalish_ woman was most unexpected. He excused himself to leave her to her thoughts and he went back to the camp, the sounds of Varric and Cassandra arguing reaching across the camp.

The next day the small group made excellent time and quickly found Mother Giselle. Solas expected that they would return to Haven right away but to his surprise Len’Melava became quite taken with the idea of helping every person they came across.

Before he knew it their short trip turned into several weeks as they broke up fighting mages and Templars, fought against bandits and provided food to refugees. They never stayed in one place for longer than a day and Solas found that with each person they helped the respect for the Inquisition and its Herald increased. Word spread about an Elvhen mage who could do anything. But they didn’t see her inner struggle.

The sadness on Len’Melava’s face as she was forced to use her magic against wolves that were under the control of a demon, or tell a hopeful face that their lover was dead. Solas could see the weight of such things bothered her in the dark rings under her eyes after a sleepless night under the stars, or the nervous twist of her hands before she delivered the heartbreaking news.

Solas came to respect the way she held fast however and sought to ease the pain and ask them to join their cause anyways. And many did.

He was considering all of this as he watched from the fence he leaned on, Len’Melava was attempting to mount a horse. He smiled slightly as she held a foot as high as she could only to stumble as the horse moved away. Her muttered curse could just barely be heard. Varric and Cassandra were discussing the delivery of the horses to the Inquisition with the horse master.

“Do you need help Len’Melava?” He offered sincerely.

Mel glared first at him and then at the horse. “How many times must I request that you call me Mel, Solas? And no. I don’t need help. What I need is for this beast to stop moving so much.”

“I am surprised. I thought Dalish rode Hallas. It cannot be so different to ride a horse.”

“They do. However I was not permitted to ride them.” Mel muttered and then froze.

Solas was in a word shocked. The thought that Mel might not want to talk about such a slight did not occur to him. “Why is that?”

Mel sighed and leaned her cheek against the neck of the horse. “Because I was not of their clan. I was a tolerated tag along you could say.”

“Are you not Dalish? You have the blood mark of Mythal.”

“I suppose I am.” Mel whispered.

Solas was confused. “Then who is your clan? How did you come to be with the Lavellan?”

Mel looked at him with a pained expression. “Solas please slow down your questions. I am not certain I want to answer.”

At once Solas nodded. “I apologize then Len’Melava. It is just… unusual.”

Mel gave a tight smile. “So I gathered. Hence my hesitance to discuss.” After a moment she gave a sigh and joined his side.

“I have no memory of my past. Sometime ago I woke in a forest with only the feel of fur through my fingers and my name. I couldn’t even tell you that the great gold ball in the sky was the Sun. But I had my instincts to guide me and the first people I encountered happened to look like me. And though I was welcome to stay as long as I wanted, I was not however needed.”

“Why did they never adopt you as one of their own?” Solas asked softly. He knew the customs of the Dalish to be harsh at times.

“I heard the whispers of what was said about me. I talked oddly. My clothing was odd. My lack of memories suspicious. I could have murdered my entire clan. What would you have them do? No what they did was right. And I was grateful to them. I may not have been needed or loved but I had clothes to replace the rags and food to keep me alive. The Keeper gave me her knowledge and taught me how to control my magic.”

“Do you not wonder where you come from?”

“I do. I often wonder. Was I a wife or mother? Did I have a brother or sister, was I respected and a good person? But there is little I can do. Perhaps with the Inquisition at my back I could make inquiries. When there is time.”

Solas meant to offer his services as well but was prevented when a raven landed on the fence with a loud caw. He took the attached scroll from the raven’s leg and read as the bird flew away, its mission complete.

“It seems you are needed in Val Royeaux. They must have gathered the remaining clerics.”

“Will you be there with me?”

The slight catch in her tone caused Solas to look down into the woman’s green eyes in surprise. He was unaccustomed to the apprehension in them and he realized that she wasn’t asking him because she particularly needed his help with the Chantry. She was seeking reassurance that he thought no less of her because of her lack of a past. It was possible that after her time with the Dalish and kept at arm’s length for so long because of her past she feared he would judge her just as harshly.

Feeling the need to put her mind at ease he set a hand on her shoulder with a warm smile. “I will be there.” His stomach twisted at the relief that visually came over her. “And thank you for telling me. I won’t say a word to the others.”

Her smile didn’t dim and she nodded. “Let’s go round up the warrior and the archer. I am sure they are driving the horse master mad with their arguing.”

Solas watched the mysterious woman walk away for a moment, his mind quickly processing everything he had just learned about her. He would take to searching for answers in the Fade for her. Surely there was a spirit there who knew of her.

 


	4. Redcliffe

_The people had just begun to pray again when Arlathan fell. The people with their eternal life had centuries to pray but I suppose after so long they grew bored or lazy. The people began to occupy themselves with more… interesting hobbies and the Gods were pushed away to the back of our busy minds. And then the Shems came. These short lived, passionate beings brought disease and age to the Elvhen._

_I was much too young to care but I heard the worry in Mamae’s voice when her hair began to turn from black to white. She would look at Shiral and I and fill our heads with the promise that we would have our eternal life. She would walk the Beyond to find the key. We would one day be granted Uthenera and walk with the Gods. I am not so sure that I wanted to walk with them. Unless they enjoyed climbing trees or working on their rock collection I am certain that we would have nothing in common._

_No I am much more content to walk with you Wolf. I wonder if she found the key. This answer she sought so that Shiral and I would have the long lives the Elvhen where accustomed too. You will be interested to know, the people prayed to Fen’Harel the most. After the fall, who better to pray to than the leader of countless rebellions, to save us from slavery?_

_Tell me Wolf, did Fen’Harel listen to their cries? To my gentle brother’s pleas? If I had prayed as Shiral had, would he have listened and come to rescue our wretched souls from the never ending experiments and abuse?_

 

Anger and confusion simmered in the center of Mel’s chest as she led the way out of Val Royeaux. She may not have been treated with love by the Dalish and rather harshly by Cassandra at first, but she had never felt so worthless before.

Somehow the responsibilities had fallen to her to make the stubborn shems see that she wasn’t putting herself on a pedestal for the glory, but that she and the Inquisition truly only wanted to stop the fighting and stop the demons. To close the breach so that people could return to their homes and farms without fear.

Few were actually listening to her. They were too set in their ways and beliefs. And she was twice damned as a mage and as an Elvhen. To the Templars and the Chantry she was a heretic barbarian.

The only thing left was to return to Haven, and make a plan to follow through with Grand Master Fiona’s more than questionable invitation. Damn the Templars.

The entire visit to Val Royeaux had not been a failure for the Inquisition however. Mel was more than pleased to have recruited a couple more willing hands to their merry cause. An elegant and graceful mage called Vivienne and an Elvhen archer called Sera. The later was very odd in Mel’s opinion. Her reasons for joining were doubtful but Mel accepted her more out of curiosity on what this odd Sera would say next.

The trek back to Haven was quick and uneventful. Her companions talked and argued, insulted or praised though Mel remained silent. She needed guidance. Answers to what she should do. She wasn’t experienced in politics or making decisions for others. How could she in good conscious take control of an entire movement based on the fact that her hand for some unknown reason can seal rifts and hopefully close the breach.

Mel knew that if you needed answers there was one place to find them. As she walked through the gates to Haven and after much debate Mel came to the conclusion that she had to do this. Dream and search the Fade. Solas claimed to have searched for answers with no luck. Perhaps it was time for another mage to look.

Mel had to admit to not knowing much about it. Keeper Deshanna had called it Beyond, and it was a dangerous place. Demons where attracted to those who wandered the fade, seeking to corrupt them, to claw their way out of the Fade.

After arriving in Haven Mel hesitated and watched as her companions, new and old turned and seemed to be awaiting something from her. Studying each in turn with silent confusion until her gaze landed on Solas. His eyes were clear blue and encouraging.

In an instance Mel realize they were unsure on what to do now and that they were looking to her for instructions. The feeling was overwhelming and everything in Mel wanted to shout at them for looking at her in such a way. But the constant pain in her hand reminded her that while she had no choice to lead, they as well had no choice but to follow.

Mel sighed quietly. “I’ll need to meet with the Commander, Leliana, and Josephine before we leave for Redcliff. Repair your weapons and armor, order supplies and rest.” Without waiting for their nods of agreement she strode through the gates, Cassandra following her into the meeting in the war room.

\---“How do you do this Mel… How does one dream?” Mel spoke to herself once she was at last in her own borrowed residence in Haven. The moment the long debate over whether to trust the invitation from the mages had been over, Mel had retreated to her temporary housing. Her heavier than she was accustomed to, armored jacket tossed on the back of a chair and her staff leaned next to the bed, Mel sat on the edge of the small bed deep in thought, her gaze transfixed on the warm flickering from the fireplace.

‘Do I just… make a conscious effort as I fall asleep to dream?’ Mel sighed and laid down slowly, her eyes closed. Her limbs were weary and relaxed without effort, breathing slowed and sleep overcame her.

Mel opened her eyes and confusion settled in them. She was still in the small little shack, still lying on the bed and the fire still crackling in the fireplace. For a moment Mel thought she was still awake as she sat up and went to leave the house in order to check the time. It was only when she opened the door did she realize that she must be in the Fade.

But something was wrong. Before her, just outside the door was a thick fog. Mel slowly put a hand out towards the fog but her fingers were stopped short, as if some sort of invisible net or cloth were holding her back. With a frown Mel then attempted to walk through the doorway and into the fog, only to once more be stopped.

Sighing in frustration Mel stepped back and studied the grey cloudy substance in front of her with narrowed eyes. “What are you and why can’t I leave this wretched shack?” Mel growled at the fog. She then stood in silence after her short outburst.

Then a movement flashed through her vision, and the fog swirled and rippled. “Who’s there?” Mel called out in a small voice. She didn’t really expect an answer and she didn’t receive one. Mel was frustrated and scared. “Why can’t I dream?” she shouted.

Mel gasped as she sat up from her prone position on the bed. Her eyes were wide and she glanced around, taking deep breaths. A loud knock on the door followed by Cassandras muffled voice cause Mel to yelp lightly.

“Herald. We are ready to depart for Redcliff.” Cassandra repeated herself when Mel failed to reply to her knock.

“Al-alright Seeker. I’ll be right out.” Mel managed to get out. Once Cassandra’s footsteps quietly announced her departure Mel laid back down, her eyes wide. “I couldn’t enter the Fade. Why couldn’t I dream?”

\--Solas knew something was wrong with Len’Melava. She was unusually quiet, and where she once went out of her way to run through rivers or climb from rock to rock, she kept to the path with a distracted stride. She absentmindedly hummed responses to Varric’s questions and never once interrupted the arguments between the storyteller and Seeker.

Something was indeed wrong. Solas found the lack of her usual spirit dampening his own. Her constant questions about his various adventures, and the admiring of every plant, rock and creature they happened across with such childlike glee was infectious. Where once he preferred to keep his thoughts and memories to himself, he found he actually enjoyed sharing everything he had learned in the many years of his life.

In short, Solas desired for Len’Melava to give him her attention. That evening Solas approached Mel after they had set up camp an hour outside of Redcliff. She sat before the fire, occasionally poking it with a stick. He could see the weariness in her eyes after having to close a rift, fighting against the surrounding demons and breaking up a bandit camp.

“Lethallan, may I join you?”

Mel glanced up and nodded silently, a feeling of warmth overcame her at the term of fondness common among their race. She had heard it used for the people of the Lavellan but no one had ever used it for her. Mel felt a bit of her anxiety ease at the brush of energy she felt as Solas settled across the fire from her and she went back to her prodding the fire, a frown slightly disfiguring her vallaslin.

“Why do you dream Solas? In the Fade? Will you tell me why you put yourself in such danger?”

Solas hid his small surprise. Few could understand why he would willingly put himself in such danger, and even fewer cared to ask. The young Elvhen before him had asked him to share his experiences but she had yet to ask why.

“I dream for many reasons. Interacting with spirits of wisdom and knowledge, reliving memories of long forgotten battles or precious moments. I have travelled across Thedas, many times and have yet to encounter anything like the experience.”

Mel smiled slightly at the enthusiasm in his voice and hugged her knees to her chest. “Do you dream often?”

“Every moment that I can. There are times where I dream for extended periods of time.”

“I suppose I should be grateful that you chose to leave your journeys in the Fade to help us.”

Solas frowned at the hint of bitterness in her tone, as if she were envious of his freedom. “The breach affects us all.”

The two sat in silence for a moment, Mel chewing on her bottom lip while she stared across the fire at him. Something more was on her mind he could tell.

“Solas…” she began and then hesitated.

“Yes?”

He felt a twinge of disappointment when she sighed and shook her head. “Never mind. We should rest. I have the feeling tomorrow will be a trying day.”

Solas had no choice but to nod as she stood and walked to her bed roll. He had waited too long to ask her what was troubling her, and would have to wait for his next opportunity. Varric was on first watch but Solas went ahead and relieved the dwarf. Varric offered no argument and Solas was left alone to watch over those sharing his journey.

\--Redcliffe felt wrong. Mel wasn’t sure what bothered her about it but something was off from the moment they were reluctantly welcomed and informed that they were in fact not expected despite the invitation coming from the Grand-Enchanter Fiona herself.

It wasn’t long after meeting Fiona and the unexpected Tevinter Magister Alexius that Mel found out what the problem was. Alexius had apparently taken over Redcliffe with little resistance from the mages and they were now his to use as he saw fit.

Mel did not trust him. He reeked of deceit and dishonesty. Something told her the price for his assistance to close the breach would be very high indeed. It came as a surprise when Felix, Alexius’ son, stumbled and fell on her, though the cause became clear when she felt a small piece of paper slipped into her hand by the young sickly man. A note requesting a meeting.

Mel may have been new to the life of danger and intrigue but even she knew the likelihood of this being a trap was tenfold, yet she was curious and promised the others that they would be prepared for any such ambush.

Whatever she expected when she entered the Redcliffe Chantry it was not to be faced with a stranger yelling in a voice dripping with sarcasm as he struggled to ward off demons coming from the rift in the Chantry.

Using motions that now felt like fluid instinct Mel, along with Solas, Cassandra, and Varric, leapt into action and assisted with the disposal of some particularly nasty demons followed by Mel painfully closing the rift.

When the last remnants of the green rift melted away Mel was able to get a decent look at whom they had just rescued. ‘A tall, dark and handsome human; typical, mage; interesting, rude and arrogant; exciting.’

“Fascinating. How does that work, exactly? You don’t even know do you? You just wiggle your fingers and boom! The rift closes.”

Mel couldn’t say that she appreciated the arrogance and mockery in his tone, and from the step forward Solas took, a warning in his eyes, she would guess that he didn’t either. Deciding to let it go Mel ignored the comment.

“Who are you?”

He gave a slight bow, “Dorian of House Pavus, Most recently of Minrathous. How do you do?”

Something in Mel caused her to freeze her greeting. Cassandras warning about another Tevinter and to use caution. She hardly paid attention to the discussion about how Dorian had been an apprentice to Alexius, the arrival of Felix confirming his betrayal of his father and his father’s affiliation with a cult, and Alexius’ experiments with time travel. Somewhere in the back of her mind she was struggling to process the name Pavus.

Before she knew what happened she was standing in the war room, anger in her voice as she demanded that they needed to free the mages from the control of Alexius. A plan was made to infiltrate and confront Alexius head on.

\-----Solas was in shock. One moment Len’Melava and the Tevinter mage, Dorian were standing before Alexius, then before any of them had time to react, the two disappeared in what looked like a rift of some kind.

Solas stared at the spot Len’Melava had disappeared from in horror, and he swallowed thickly, glancing at Cassandra. Her face twisted in fury she raised her sword. “What have you done to them!” she spat.

Alexius merely shook his head and chuckled deeply. Before he could speak however the strange rift from before appeared once more and a very angry Elvhen, her armored robes splattered with blood stepped out, followed by Dorian.

“You’ll have to try better than that if you want to kill me Alexius.” Len’Melava taunted with a cruel tone in her voice. Then Solas watched as Alexius fell to his knees proclaiming that it was too late.

\--- The moment after accepting the mages as free allies of the Inquisition and Alexius had been taken into custody, Len’Melava had turned on her heel, ordered Cassandra to take everyone save Dorian back to Haven immediately, and she would be a day behind.

Cassandra had been speechless for a moment before attempting to offer protest at her Herald embarking off on her own with the Teventer. “I cannot allow you to-“

The small mage practically glowed with anger so fierce that it cut the hardened warrior off. Thinking back on it Solas could see there was more than anger. There was desperation and fear fueling the marked one.

He had attempted to stop her as she had brushed past him, her intention to leave alone with someone he did not trust was apparent. “Lethallan, perhaps it would be wise-“he had attempted to offer his protection to where ever she and the Tevinter were going.

Hope that he had gotten through to her had just begun to grow when she hesitated at the exit of Redcliffes castle. Dorian had stopped by her side, a look of concern that left Solas feeling sick on his face as he gazed Len’Melava.

Just when he thought she would listen to him, turn back and explain just what was going on in that wonderful mind of hers, she shook her head and ran. She ran and Solas was left behind, feeling more dread than he had since the breach first ripped through the sky.

The Inquisition company had returned swiftly to Haven, Cassandra reporting everything that to her knowledge had happened and Solas giving his best guess on the whereabouts of their missing Herald. True to her word they only had to wait a day as she arrived, much with the same anger and fear emanating from her.

No one was truly surprised that she was once again accompanied by more committed to their cause, a ferocious looking Qunari along with his company of mercenaries followed her and Dorian. Solas couldn’t explain the immense relief that flashed through his entire body.

All he knew was that he was desperate to speak with her, to demand answers on where she went and why. Instead he watched her point the mercenaries toward a spot for their camp and motioned for Dorian to follow her into the Chantry. She was changed. Solas could see it in the way she held her shoulders stiff, fists clenched as she stalked into the Haven Chantry, the heavy doors slamming shut behind her.

Solas sighed in frustration at being made to wait. It grated on his pride that he wasn’t deemed important enough to be in there. Following the orders, answering the demanding questions, having his advice ignored seemed to be as far as his usefulness went.

It was an internal struggle for him to tamp down the flash of arrogance he felt. They did not truly know him and that was how he wanted it. Be that as it may however it left him wanting. Solas however prideful he may be he was wise as well. He waited.

Solas wanted to know just what had happened to the little Elvhen during her unexpected time traveling adventure.

 

 

 

 

 


	5. Falling of Haven

_Would you like to listen to the tale of my first journey away from my home? Away from Arlathan? I very young, just big enough to ride on a hart. I hadn’t been around them very much you see, as we lived in the heart of Arlathan and never travel or had any use for the enormous beasts._

_The moment Mamae told Shiral and I that we were to travel across the wilds to the far south, we were beyond busy with excitement. Asking questions and making plans._

_All that bubbling excitement immediately melted away the moment I stood before that massive, blue haired monster, with its enormous rack of antlers and stubby tail. I had to crane my little neck and nearly fainted when it looked down at me and snorted. I stumbled backwards, shaking my head in refusal. How could Mamae possibly expect me to control such a beast?_

_Until Shiral grabbed my hand telling me that he was afraid too. Then Mamae saw our fear and with soothing words to the hart, she led Shiral and I closer to it and encouraged us to offer our hands in greeting. And learning his name was Eth. How appropriate the name felt as indeed he was far safer to be around than I had ever felt._

_Once we were acquainted with Eth, Shiral and I took turns in the front of the saddle, holding the reigns. Our progress was slow, and the journey long but at last we made it to the incredibly ancient Suledin Palace. Did you know Suledin was once the home of one of the Gods? I couldn’t say for sure which one but it was a magnificent place._

_The Temple of Mythal was a bit further into the south wilds and Mamae’s brother…. What was his name again…? I- I cannot recall it anymore. It’s right there… perhaps it will come back to me later. Her brother had devoted himself to protecting the temple from the shemlen._

_At Suledin we watched as he gave his freedom to this fate he chose. Mamae’s tears of grief as she knew she would never see her younger brother again. Watched as he along with many countless others quickly marched from the beautiful palace, leaving countless loved ones to protect a silly building dedicated to a goddess._

_I never understood it. What was his name?_

 

The sick knots of dread and anger refused to leave Mel and she was growing very tired of fighting to control both. Having never been in the position of having to make split second decisions for an entire movement, she was equally not experienced in having her decisions questioned and argued over.

Mel knew that mages were feared and despised by most, and being in the company of an ex-Templar, who commanded many other ex-Templars, she knew that her decision to form a partnership with the mages would be an unpopular decision.

But it was done, and she left the war room quickly, drawing in a deep breath of chilled air the moment the setting sun welcomed her outside. Closing her eyes Mel calmed herself, focusing on what was to be done next.

“Len’Melava, a word if you will?”

The sound of Solas’ voice, his clear perfect voice caused Mel to catch her breath and glance in the direction it came from. He approached soundlessly and stopped at a respectful distance, his expression blank.

Mel had been dreading this conversation. She knew that she wasn’t handling what had happened at Redcliffe in the best way. The fact was that she did not want to talk about it. Dorian knew what happened, had seen how it affected her.

She had forgotten to wonder why his family name made her tremble, her thoughts were instead bothered by another reason that made her tremble. Clenching her hands Mel resigned herself that she could no longer avoid Solas. She was still working up the courage to ask him to teach her to dream and she quite missed his company.

Finally giving the other mage a small nod she followed him to the privacy of his cabin. Relieved to be out of the cold, Mel went straight for the small crackling fire and held her hands out toward it.

Solas joined her side, resting a hand on the mantle. “It is excellent that we have gained the mages for support in closing the breach.”

She began to rub the spot between her brows, fighting a sigh. “I hope I did the right thing. I- I know very little about why mages are hated so much. I suppose I understand Commander Cullen’s anger at me for putting everyone in danger. All it takes is one mage becoming an abomination and everything we have fought for comes undone.”

Mel knew that she was rambling, revealing much more than she had intended.

“It was not the easy path you chose that is certain. I do believe it to be the correct one however.” Solas reassured.

Letting out a breath that she hadn’t known she was holding she whispered a thank you. Grateful for his confidence.

There was a deep silence, Mel struggling to touch the words that she needed to say, hoping that he would broach the subject instead. As if sensing her inner struggle by the evidence of her fidget and quickness of her breath he took the conversation in hand.

“What you experienced… are you certain that it was time travel? Could it have been an illusion, a trick of the Fade?”

“I… I am very certain. That was real. And terrible.”

“Lethallan what happened?”

Mel looked at the taller elvhen, studying his features until the memory of him in the future she and Dorian experienced replaced him. Shaking it away she sat on the floor with her half bare, leather wrapped feet tucked up under her, hands gripping her knees.

“Dorian and I were tossed through the portal into the dungeon cells. It wasn’t until we discovered Grand-Enchanter Fiona locked in one of the cells did we learn that we were… we were one year in the future.” Mel stopped to lick her lips and raised her eyes to see him still standing in the same spot, watching her silently and without expression.

“We were unable to save her. Then there was you. You and Cassandra. And it was terrible. Red lyrium was growing out of you both. You were becoming consumed with it! Your skin, your eyes… even your voice was changed! I knew that there had to be a way back. I could not allow Alexius and his Elder One to do this. So… Dorian calculated a plan after we found Leliana on a hideous torture rack. We cornered Alexius but demons were moments from overtaking the hall. So… so there was only one thing to do… You, Cassandra, and Leliana left to hold them back long enough for Dorian to open the portal leading back to this time.”

Mel gave a whispered curse and looked away, back to the fire. “I was afraid and I knew that you were going to die. And I let you go out there. Then watched the doors burst open and a demon toss you aside like you were nothing. You were dead, as was Cassandra and a moment later Leliana. And in that moment of watching your lifeless body… it was truly awful Solas.”

Solas silently joined her on the floor. “It is fortunate then that the future you witnessed will never come to pass. What an amazing gift. It is vital the Inquisition succeed then, to avoid this future.”

Surprise erased the haunt in her eyes at his easy acceptance that she saw him die in a future that was not far away. “Wouldn’t most people have some sort of trouble wrapping their heads around all of this?”

Solas lifted both of his brows as if surprised that she would even need to ask. “I’m not most people.”

For the first time in what felt like ages to Mel, a smile lifted her tight features. It felt almost foreign to have such an expression, but she couldn’t help the warmth his humorous arrogance brought. Realizing that she felt better, so much better at having talked about what truly happened in that dark time, without having to hash out every small detail and answer countless questions, her smile grew.

“I- I appreciate you talking with me about it. And… not being most people.” She added, elated when he smiled back.

“If you wish me to speak of Orlesian fashion, I may be at a loss. Magical surprises, no matter how terrible or fantastic, I can handle.”

A light peal of laughter erupted from Mel at his small jest. When her sounds of mirth faded away she sat in silence, the situation at hand returning back to the surface.

“I need to prepare to close the breach. I suppose I will leave you.”

Solas nodded and quickly stood, offering a hand to Mel. The only time she had ever touched him had been when he held her wrist toward that first rift. She supposed he had touched her when she had been unconscious after the explosion at the Temple of Sacred Ashes and falling out of the fade but this was different.

She didn’t know why her heartbeat skipped when she slipped her hand into his and allowed his strength to ease her up, but it did. A blush tinted her cheeks when he held her hand longer than was necessary and she quickly turned away towards the door when he took a step back.

“I will ready the mages to support you. I will await your word that you are ready for the journey.”

Mel nodded over her shoulder silently before taking her leave. She almost welcomed the cool air clearing her fuzzy thoughts.

\---The closing of the breach went smoother than Solas could have anticipated. The support of the mages with his instruction, Len’Melava was able to draw on them for the power she needed. Let it channel through her and with the glowing mark she slammed it closed with a great explosion that threw her to the ground. He along with the Seeker rushed to her side and found her startled but unharmed, much to their relief.

At Haven the mages and soldiers, the town’s people and Len’Melava’s quickly growing circle of friends, celebrated this great victory but he knew that it wasn’t over. Far from it. And it wasn’t long until his hesitations were proven accurate.

After young human man by the name of Cole, came to Haven in panic to give warning about an army of Templars marching from the Frostback Mountains, without hesitation he joined Len’Melava’s side and together they fought to save Haven.

It was with the appearance of an incredible dragon, a dragon unlike which he had seen in a past so far back it would be difficult to describe, that everyone resigned to Haven being a loss. He stood within the Chantry walls and listened to Len’Melava quickly hash out a plan with Commander Cullen, a plan to save everyone but at the possible sacrifice of herself.

Solas immediately stepped forward to put an end to such a suggestion, but he never got the chance because without another word she hardened her eyes and quickly left the Chantry. Her mission to distract the dragon consumed with corruption and its master Corypheus long enough for him and everyone else to escape, before she fired a thousand pound boulder at the side of an ice covered mountain, burying Haven and all in its path. Including her.

He could not allow this, she wouldn’t make it out of this and he found that he could not stand it. He made to follow this mad woman, but the hand on his arm stopped him. Dorian shook his head.

“You do her a miraculous injustice by ignoring her wishes. Into the tunnels quickly or this will all be for nothing.”

Solas refused to say it aloud but he knew the Teventer was in the right. He would only endanger himself and her even more if he attempted to change her course. It was too late so instead he would have to hold out hope that by some feat of incredible luck, she made it out alive.

Instead he did his duty and helped those weaker than himself into the tunnels of Haven and out into the mountain wilds. With horror he watched as an entire endless mountain of ice and snow buried the small pitiful village of Haven.

\---She didn’t know how she had done it but somehow Mel managed to fall through the perfect cave-in at the perfect time. After her brief conversation with an ancient darkspawn magister, firing the trebuchet and running faster than she was certain she ever had before, she fell. And fell hard.

Mel was still shaking her eyes into focus when she finally stumbled from the escape tunnel and into a blizzard. And cold weighed on her heavily as she struggled with each step, snow nearly to her waist and an icy wind cutting through her thin armor.

Something was familiar about this feeling of suffocating cold.

 

 


	6. An Avalanche of Change

_I was jealous the first time Shiral began to show favor for a maiden our age. She was beautiful and kind, a talented herbalist. Her name is… Harth or Lark… I suppose it’s lost to me now. Shiral and I grew up with her, often joining her family for listening to the story tellers and dancing, playing in the woods and along the beaches._

_Their eventual… attachment shouldn’t have been a surprise for me but It was. I couldn’t understand. He was my brother, my best friend. I never needed anyone else because I had him. But for some reason I wasn’t enough for him._

_I wasn’t completely blind, I knew he was a fine young man of good family and great magical talent. It was only a matter of time before he outgrew the companionship of his sister and began to welcome that which only an attentive female could give._

_But that did not stop me from feeling hurt. And blind as I’m sure all men tend to be, he couldn’t see what pain I felt when he would forget that we were to meet after the days lessons to play a trick on one of the grumpy elders. Instead I would find him hours later beneath our favorite tree, his head resting in the maids lap as they giggled and whispered whatever there was to giggle and whisper about._

_This happened many times and I always forgave him. Until he tried to pair me with some ridiculous friend of his. Wolf, I wanted to shake him when instead of Shiral meeting me he sent a stranger who bored me beyond imagination with tales of his powers with fighting._

_Mamae told me to forgive my brother for he is young and stupid but he deserves to figure out how to divide his time. He never did. He continued to inadvertently ignore me… until she revealed that she had accepted the binding offer of that same warrior he had tried to pair me with._

_I never forgave her for turning my brother into a sad mope for weeks! It took a great deal of effort on my part to get him to move on. I vowed to never allow myself to fall into such a trap as he did. I took his lesson and made it my own._

_Not long after our entire world fell apart and a broken heart seemed like such a silly thing in comparison. Shiral never found love again. And that is one of my regrets._

 

 

 

Slowly, second by second, Mel rose from a heavy sleep to consciousness. Her eyes fluttering she took her surroundings in, a large tent with many wounded seeking it protection, various healers speaking in hushed tones.

The sound of a heated argument reached her pointed ears and in a rush Mel sat up trying to shake the fuzziness from her mind. Everything came back at her in a rush, the battle, Corypheus and his dragon, the cold.

That achingly familiar cold and the fight to not give up. Mel slowly moved each of her limbs, wincing at the pain in her shoulder, but relieved to be warm. The argument between Leliana and the others grew and Mel could no longer stand it. Fighting amongst themselves, was the last thing they needed to do.

She brushed off words of the wisdom and faith from Madam Giselle and went to leave the tent, halting when everyone of the Inquisition began to sing a song she had never heard before. Mel found it beautiful, the mixing of everyone’s unique voices.

However Mel herself was speechless as everyone turned to her, they knelt in respect with awe in their eyes and she felt frightened. She was saved having to think on the weight they were putting on her when Solas stepped from the shadows and requested a moment of privacy.

The glow of the veilfire he lit with his will was ethereal and beautiful and drew Mel closer to his side, waiting for him to speak.

“The humans have not raised one of our people so high for ages beyond counting.” He gave a quick smile at the small blush on her cheeks. With a sigh he turned solemn, a frown taking over. “Her faith is hard-won, Lethallan, worthy of pride… save one detail. The threat Corypheus wields? The orb he carried? It is ours. Corypheus used the orb to open the breach. Unlocking it must have caused the explosion that destroyed the conclave. We must find out how he survived… and prepare for their reaction, when they learn the orb is of our people.”

A sinking feeling settled in Mel at his words. “Solas… if what you say is true… what is this orb and how do you know?”

Solas held his hands behind his back and his eyes grew more intense. “Such things were foci, said to channel power from our gods. Some were dedicated to specific members of our pantheon.” He paused at Mel’s scoff and slight eye roll.

When she noticed his curious expression Mel coughed and looked away.

“All that remains are references in runes, and faint versions of memory in the fade, echoes of a dead empire. But however Corypheus came to it, the orb is Elvhen, and with it, he threatens the heart of human faith.”

Picking up on where he was going with his explanation Mel nodded. “And the blame will be on us.”

“I fear you are correct. Faith in you is shaping before our eyes, but it needs more. Corypheus has changed the Inquisition, changed you. Guide the Inquisition. There is a place that waits for us.”

\---Solas knew Len’Melava was afraid. She was alone in the world, a wildling with bare feet and a tattooed face. She knew little of politics and warfare, of saving the world and giving orders. Of making the correct decision for everyone and dealing with the ones that stand to oppose her.

Which is why he led her to Skyhold. By her side he gave her hope and she blossomed. The little wild one led everyone through the dangerous Frostbacks to the hidden and abandoned stronghold. He was pleased with the excitement on her face when she first saw the crumbling walls and collapsing roofs.

For a moment he saw Len’Melava as he was sure he would have seen her before she was marked with the glowing anchor. And the thought led to other thoughts about making it through this alive, of the future. Something that he was not fond of thinking of.

Though with Len’Melava’s lovely face momentarily free of worry, he could not stop himself. Which is why he felt a distinct mixture of pride and sadness when the heavy mantle of Inquisitor Len’Melava was bestowed, all the worry and fear weighed on her even more than before.

The title and role of Inquisitor was considered very prestigious and to be given to anyone other than a human was even more astounding. Though no one of the Inquisition questioned the decision and Len’Melava accepted with incredible bravery, Solas was thoroughly impressed.

He watched as their new Inquisitor led her council of advisors into the hall of Skyhold, suddenly feeling even more unneeded than he had at Haven. There was nothing left for him to do for her except help in any way possible to ensure her success against Corypheus.

Solas didn’t have to wait long for an exhausted Len’Melava found him mixing together ingredients to begin painting a mural in the front tower.

“Leth- er Solas… do you mind if I seek a moment of peace before I go into yet another meeting with friends of Varric’s?” She asked from the doorway.

Solas immediately gestured for her to enter. “Of course. Congratulations are in order Inquisitor.”

She shook her head and rubbed the spot she always did when she seemed to have a headache. “Yes well… thank you… Solas is there anything else you know about this… this mess?

Feeling more than a bit hopeless that she came to him for help and there was little he could offer without losing her favor. “I believe Cassandra or Varric would know more…” he attempted to steer questions regarding Corypheus and the artifact from him. But Len’Melava looked up with pleading eyes.

“Please Solas… any advice from you I could use.”

Pleasure warmed him in spite of his hesitation. “I will answer all that I can Inquisitor.”

He noticed the small flinch she gave at being called her new title and she must have noticed his curiosity. “I’m sure it will take time to get used to being called… that.” She said with a frown of distaste and he couldn’t stop the small chuckle.

Solas answered her many questions and voicing a few of his own and voicing his anger and disbelief about Corypheus unlocking the relic orbs power. The feeling that he was revealing too much was distracted when she abruptly changed subjects.

“Why can’t I dream in the Fade Solas?”

Startled by the question he blinked and then stared at her. Green eyes wide, she waited.

“You have tried to dream in the Fade but cannot? How is this possible? You were physically in the Fade when the conclave was destroyed.”

She shook her head and began to pace, he followed her movements with his arms crossed.

“I have no idea. I wanted knowledge, someone who could tell me about this… this anchor I carry now. You said that you had searched the Fade for answers and found none. I hoped that maybe a fresh look would help.”

“And you made the attempt to dream?”

“I did. In Haven after we returned from Val Royeux. I fell asleep on my bed and I dreamed that I was still in that shack, and when I opened the door to leave there was this… this barrier-“

“Can you describe it?”

She closed her eyes. “A gray fog, it felt cold and flexible. I couldn’t see very far through it but I could make out figures moving beyond it. Whispers just beyond my hearing.”

Solas considered her words. “Unusual. I will make inquiries.”

With a sigh she shook her head. “It’s alright. Will you tell me about yourself instead? The stories you have told me about before… they fascinate me. And it seems as if I am unable to experience them myself…”

Once again Solas was surprised by her. And more than a little pleased, he led her to a seat and sat beside her. “I sat beside you in the dungeon while you slept, studying the anchor.”

Looking at him she gave a small smile. “I’m glad that I wasn’t alone. Thank you.”

Solas looked away and attempted to brush off her admiration. “You were a mystery. You still are. And there was the threat Cassandra had against me if I failed to explain what you were and what you were capable of. I would be to blame as an apostate and aiding you with the destruction of the Conclave.”

“Cassandra seems to be overly dramatic with everyone.”

Solas chucked in agreement and looked at Len’Melava once more turning serious.

“You were never going to wake up. A mortal sent physical through the Fade? How could you? For the first time in a long time I was more than frustrated… I was frightened. Spirits were chased away by the breach. I was ready to flee.”

Len’Melava reached out and rested a hand on his clenched fist as if to offer him comfort. “You didn’t though. You stayed.”

Staring down at their hands. “I told myself, one last attempt to seal that first rift.” Solas closed his eyes and swallowed. “I tried and failed. Ordinary magic could not seal it. That… that is when I resigned myself to flee. The rifts were growing, you were never going to wake, and it was only a matter of time before Cassandra would follow through with her vow that I would pay. And then…”

Solas looked up and met Len’Melava’s gaze. “You were there. The key to everything. In the moment of holding your marked hand toward the rift… I felt the whole world change.”

He heard Len’Melava catch her breath and lean in slightly. “Because of the marks ability to do what you could not… or because of me?”

Solas looked away and felt a blush warm his face. He couldn’t remember the last time he had had such a reaction to… anyone. “It… was only a figure of speech Lethallan.”

There was a smile in her voice that turned it soft. “I’m aware of that. Tell me what you felt… please Solas?”

“You changed… everything.” He said simply, words failing to come to him and hoping she knew what he was trying to tell her.

He turned to face her when he felt her warm hand touch his cheek and he closed his eyes when she surprised him with a kiss. She overtook his sense, all comprehendible thought left and all that mattered was the feel of her against him.

The loss he felt when she pulled away all too soon pained him and it only took a split second for him to react. Len’Melava, her face blushing, moved to stand but Solas quickly wrapped an arm around her shoulders and crashed his lips against hers.

A frenzy was building inside of him and it only grew when she moaned her acceptance. His fingers slid into her hair and she gave his bottom lip a small nip, a growl rumbling from him. He had to get closer to her, it became a primal need and he pressed her closer.

In the back of his mind an inner voice demanded that he was going too far and for a brief moment he listened, pulled away and opened his eyes. It only took one moment to see the fiery desire in her eyes, her quickened breath and feel of her hands holding his shoulders tight to shut out that voice and he kissed her once more.

Telling himself that it was ok he tightened his hold on her. Until she whispered his name against his lips. Coming to his senses he pulled back and stood from the bench. Almost frightened to look at her.

“We shouldn’t. It isn’t right…” He immediately regretted his choice of words.

“I… I’ve never done anything like that before.”

He sighed and pulled her to stand next to him. “I apologize Lethallan. The kiss was…” He wanted to say incredible and how he wanted more. But he held his emotions in check and attempted to diffuse any feelings she might be feeling in the wake of a rather passionate moment. “It was impulsive and ill considered. And I should not have encouraged it.”

She frowned and he recognized the stubborn lift of her chin. “You kissed me back Solas… I refuse to believe that it was a mistake…” she said fiercely before sighing and looking away. “This is new to me but I can’t hide how I feel. However if I’m pressuring you…”

Solas smiled softly and gave her hand a slight squeeze. “No, the fault is mine. It has been a long time since… and I am not certain that this is the best idea. This… could lead to trouble.” He felt like he was losing control of himself. On the inside he was telling himself that no, he should shut down any possibility between them immediately. There was no doubt that where this would lead was indeed trouble.

But he wanted to see her happy and for some uncomprehendable reason he was why she was happy in that moment. The last strand of his resistance was broken when she picked up his other hand and smiled. “I’m willing to risk it Solas… are you?”

“We take risks every day… what’s one more?” and his heart lifted at the happiness he gave her and the quick peck she stood on her bare toes to give him on the cheek.

“On that note I must go meet with Varric and his friends from Kirckwall. Do… would you join me at dinner?” She stepped backwards toward the door, releasing his hands with a bashful look.

“Go to your meeting. I will be there waiting for you.” After her happy nod he was left alone with his paints and too much to think about.

\---There was an obvious spring to the new Inquisitors step as she wandered her way toward the forward battlements. After the exhausting meeting in the war room she had simply sought a bit of wisdom from a friend. She never expected to have her world thrown upside down with all the force of an avalanche of emotions.

Mel knew she was excited and afraid and full of hope. And her first kiss. She couldn’t explain why she pulled him in like that, perhaps it was seeing Solas so vulnerable and… real. Majority of the time he is calm and collected and to see him lay his feelings, putting his trust in her… she had taken a risk and it was worth it. She just knew it.

Just ahead Mel could make out Varric and he was standing with a woman, human, dark hair and a mages staff slung across her back. She seemed interesting enough though as Mel reached them she caught sight of someone even more interesting and she stopped short. A name swam through her mind but she failed to grasp it, all she could say as the three faces turned to stare at her was “I know you…”

 

 

 

 


	7. The Gift From Fear

_I know where the Rebel One supposedly imprisoned the rest of the Pantheon. I know where the all of them are. Even the whispers that are the Forgotten One. I learned at a very early age that we Elvhen thrive on secrets. The greater and more powerful the secret you hold the more precious you are to the Elders._

_Mamae was very powerful as you can imagine. No one was more welcome in the Beyond than her. And all of Elvhenan knew it. And she was very cautious with the secrets she knew. Except when Shiral and I were very young._

_Every night as she tucked our blankets around our chubby little chins, she would tell us what she called stories. Great adventures of powerful beings plotting and forgiving. Of betraying the other and then defying the odds to save them. Tales of what she called the Shimmering City. And how she found the key to unlock it._

_As we grew older her stories changed to more mundane adventures. A shepherd’s flock went missing but the creatures were lead back to safety by a wolf. While I did enjoy the deeper meaning I was rather bored with these. And Shiral and I began to speak amongst ourselves about the tales Mamae once told._

_It wasn’t difficult for us to piece together that Mamae had told us how to find these fabled Gods. Not long before our home was destroyed Shiral and I went to look for ourselves. Which led to the biggest fight we ever had with Mamae._

_I do not know how she figured out what we were doing. We made it all the way into the Cut before… Mamae was furious… Wolf I cannot remember what she looked like when she was angry. Or happy. I only remember how afraid she looked as Shiral pulled me away from her._

 

 

 

Ignoring the three different looks of surprise, shock, and suspicion she was receiving, Mel walked a slow, studying circle around the elf with equally white hair and curious glowing markings. The silence coming from Varric, Hawke, and Fenris was deafening until Varric managed to clear his throat enough to break it.

“Uhh Mel… you know Fenris here?” The shorter companion asked.

“Yes… do you?” Varric’s companion asked with a threatening tone to her voice as she took a possessive step toward Mel’s subject of study.

Her tone caused Mel to look at her, clearly startled that anyone else was there. Mel blinked twice, taking in the appearance of the other mage, her glorious red hair loose in the wind, the staff slung across her back and the narrowed eyes. Realizing that she might perhaps be standing in a dangerous spot, Mel quickly retreated a respectable distance and coughed nervously.

“Oh… my apologies. I’m Len’Melava of… well Lavellan and the Inquisition. Welcome….”

Varric stepped in when his friends failed to introduce themselves. “Hawke, Champion of Kirkwall and Fenris… also known as Broody.” He attempted to lighten the mood. The glare Fenris gave him did an excellent job of informing him that he had failed.

“How do you know Fenris?” Hawke demanded.

Mel stared at the frowning elvhen in question for a moment, searching her mind for the answer and finding the usual black hole of nothingness. With a sigh she gave up. “I suppose I don’t. Maybe it was just a feeling. Fenris you say? That is not your true name is it?”

Everyone looked startled, none more so than Fenris who spoke to Mel for the first time. “How could you possibly know that?”

Mel shrugged. “I know that no mother would name their child after the Dreadful One. You must have given it to yourself.”

Varric gave a deep laugh and shook his head. “Remarkable. C’mon Broody tell her your real name.”

His frown deepening he looked away, clearly uncomfortable and rubbed the back of his neck. “You are right about it not being my first name but you are wrong about my mother. Leto.”

Mel’s eyes widened as an ancient meaning whispered through her mind. “Do… do you know the meaning of that name?”

Hawke rolled her eyes. “Of course. It means little wolf.”

Shaking her head Mel took a step closer. “The true meaning. Not the ones the city elves, or slaves, or even the Dalish say it is because everyone has made up their own meaning for everything if Solas is correct. The _ancient_ meaning?”

“All right there mistress of suspense, you’re giving me chills. What’s Leto _really_ mean?” Varric urged.

“Hidden…. Forgotten… Cursed.” Mel said the last with a whisper and sadness.

Fenris looked angry as he turned on his bare heel and began to walk away. Realizing that she must of upset him Mel began to call after him but was silenced by a motion from Hawke.

“Leave him. Now before I see just how good you are with that stick on your back for upsetting him, how about we discuss the whole reason for me even being in this pile of frozen rubble. Corypheus.”

\---“Was I wrong Solas? Telling Fenris the meaning of what his mother named him?”

Solas looked at Len’Melava as they led the Inquisitions assault on Adamant Fortress. They were a less than an hour from launching their attack and instead of their leader concentrating on the strategy, she was worried about the hurt feelings of Varric’s friend.

Len’Melava had come to him straight after meeting with Hawke about Corypheus, muttering about how familiar the elvhen warrior was. And once he had his own look at the warrior in question there was something indeed very familiar about him.

And Solas was filled with pity when he learned that the currently named Fenris was once called Leto by his mother, sister, and his master. And it piqued his curiosity on why he was given a cursed name.

The next day he had joined Len’Melava and the others on the trek to Crestwood to track down Hawkes friend Loghain, in hopes that he could explain the disappearance of the Grey Wardens. This journey led them to discover corrupted Grey Wardens under Venatori command to raise a demon army for Corypheus.

“No I don’t think you were wrong. You told him the truth, and he will come to terms with it. I am curious on why… ah here comes the Commander. The soldiers must be in position. After you Inquisitor.”

The mock glare she gave him over his use of her title brought a brief smile to his face before he concentrated on the sounds of battle beginning.

He admired the way Len’Melava didn’t flinch at the sounds of boulders launching from their positions and exploding into the walls of the Grey Warden fortress. She steeled herself against the cries of death and those begging for their lives.

She spared the Grey Wardens who proved that they had no dealings with the blood magic rituals intended to aid Corypheus in raising an army of demons. He was pleased with the improvement she had shown with using her magic for battle though he had been nervous about her desire to battle as a Knight-Enchanter. Or Arcane Warrior as they once were called.

Using a blade of the Fade put her on the front lines and further from his reach if her barrier weakened and failed. And he almost had her convinced to study how to use the veil in battle along with him but the moment he let it slip that it was ancient elvhen magic that the Chantry now called theirs and she was firm in her desire to learn the ancient way of her ancestor warriors.

Solas admitted to himself that he did her a great disservice in believing that she did not have the warrior capacity. But as he watched her now he was clearly distracted by how wrong he was.

Len’Melava came into her own as a front line fighter. She kept a protective shield around herself and Cassandra while he and Varric fought from the sidelines. He was at war with his protective instinct that she would be out there in the heart of the danger, spinning and slashing with a great sword from the Beyond and simultaneously using her staff to stun far away Grey Wardens and demons with shocks of lighting.

But she was magnificent and it was more than once he found himself watching her rather than freezing their enemies in mid action.

It wasn’t until the demon dragon under the control of Corypheus attacked did he fully focus on the great peril they were in. He lost all feeling when the demon dragon was felled, crashing into the already crumbling bridge they were all on. His survival instinct emerged and Solas began to run from the approaching collapse but he couldn’t stop himself from looking back for Len’Melava.

Solas gave a shout as he watched her stop to help Loghain who had fallen but she could not out run the falling stones. Before he could process that she was gone, tumbling down into a never ending abyss, he himself had lost against the collapse and fell for what seemed an eternity.

\---Mel looked at the faces of those who had fallen into the Fade with her and saw the same expression on almost everyone’s face. Cole was sick with terror of being corrupted, Cassandra worried but holding her fear in check. Hawke and Loghain were obviously scared but ready. Solas looked enthralled and studied every rock and puddle.

Mel herself felt… alert but not uncomfortable. The eerie green glow of the Fade, the pillars of jagged black rock and the faintest glimpse of a faraway tower. She felt the desire to go there. To what was called the Black City. All this curiosity though was dissolved when she was addressed by what appeared to be Divine Justinia whom had been killed in the destruction of the conclave. Urging her to look for her stolen memories.

And moments later by what Solas called the fear demon.

“We have a guest. A foolish little girl has come to steal the fear I kindly lifted from her shoulders. You should have thanked me and left your fear where it lay, forgotten. You think that pain will make you stronger? What fool filled your mind with such drivel? The only one who grows stronger from your fears is me. But you are a guest in my home, so by all means, let me return what you have forgotten.”

Mel stopped in her tracks, her heart skipping a beat as she spoke to the voice filling her head, filling everyone’s head.

“My memories? All of them?” She couldn’t hide the hope from her voice and she kept her face forward, away from the others. Her blood ran cold though at the hateful laugh reverberating in her skull.

“I can only return that which I claimed from you during your pervious journey through my home. You will have to look elsewhere for the return of your precious memories.” There was a pause as it allowed Mel to ponder the loss of hope before finishing. “But perhaps the one who claimed them is not as far off as you fear.”

“Of whom do you speak? Answer me!” Mel shouted to the emptiness in her ears. For a moment she had felt that answers were in her reach only to find them further away than ever.

“Lethallan.” Solas spoke from her side, gaining her attention. Mel took a look at his calmness and fought for her own.

“Let’s get out of here.” She growled and led the small group towards the rift they hoped would take them home, and out of the Fade. The further they went the more Mel remembered of the conclave, of stumbling upon Corypheus using the orb he held, the one Solas said was an elvhen artifact of the Pantheon, sacrificing Divine Justinia and how Mel had on instinct picked up the orb from where Corypheus had dropped it, unleashing incredible power that sent her and the Divine into the Fade and lastly of the Divine sacrificing herself for the survival of Mel as she shoved her through the rift that sealed her fate.

It was a great deal to take in, remembering stolen memories was painful and exhausting but there was the distraction of the fear demon taunting her friends with their fears. Their failures, shortcomings, their sins. Mel felt as if she were intruding upon their privacy as she learned their deepest feelings against their will. Until the fear demon spoke to Solas in what sounded like ancient elvhen.

“ _Dirth ma, harellan. Ma banal enasalin. Mar solas ena mar din.”_ The voice rumbled. Mel was startled by the sudden use of an almost forgotten language and it took her a moment to complete the translation.

“Tell me, Trickster, did your victory amount to anything? Your pride will be your death.” She whispered to herself. A feeling prickled the back of her mind, the suspicion that she had heard the second sentence before. But like all things that were difficult to grasp it was lost in the void.

Mel pondered asking Solas about what the fear demon meant if they survived this off track adventure. However she changed her mind when they came across a small plot of tombstones. It took one glance for Mel to realize that she was looking at what her friends feared the most.

Before she could stop herself, her eyes found the one with Solas chipped into the stone and beneath it was his fear. Dying alone. And she felt her heart shudder at what she was sure she could never fully comprehend.

\----“Glad to have you back with us Inquisitor.” Leliana spoke as Mel joined the Spymaster, Commander, and diplomat in the war room. The time had come to discuss their next move. Which happened to be a ball.

Fighting their way out of the Fade, making the decision to leave Loghain behind to give her and the others enough time to make it through the rift had been a deep emotional wound for Mel. One that would take a very long time to heal, and she hopped giving the Grey Wardens the chance to redeem themselves would help her come to terms with letting a good man die for her.

Her decision hadn’t been a popular one but it was done. Hawke had asked to use the frozen pile of rubble as a base as she searched for Grey Wardens, and permission had been granted. Mel felt mentally and physically exhausted, as her friends were too. But there was more to do.

The Empress Celene was in danger of an assassination as ordered by Corypheus himself had been recently revealed by Alexius. Mel was dreading another confrontation so quickly after another accidental walk through the Fade. But the thought of going to a palace, where there would be dancing and gossip brought a bubble of excitement.

The moment Josephine was done discussing important contacts for the mission, Mel sprinted down the main hall toward the rotunda where Solas spent his time researching and painting, bursting through the door with excitement. Startled, Solas’ paint brush missed its mark and gave the wolf he was painting a slashing nose.

“Lethallin, what are your thoughts on Orlesian soirees?”

 

 


	8. Waiting

_Dreaming in the Beyond, watching memories unfold time and again is quite the experience Wolf. Actually interacting with them was thrilling and… special. I’ll never forget the first spirit that I could actually call friend._

_I was hesitant at first; cautious of the danger he- I suppose the spirit was that of the male variety. The voice certainly sounded it. But they were dangerous. No small amount were considered corruptive and angry. This spirit was compassionate though, only ever wanted to help me when my mind was worried about even the most mundane of typical everyday worries. He would find me as I watched civilizations taking root and bring comfort when I watched them fall._

_The last time that I spoke with him he told me that he wished he could make it better. I asked him what he meant and his reply haunts me still. Knowing what I know now… how all of this ends. I feel so blind now that I think about what he said._

_But what could I have done Wolf? I was a young untried dreamer. I shouldn’t have been dreaming in the first place no matter who my mother was. No one would have listened to me. And I will be honest with you Wolf. I didn’t believe him either. I played it off as a silly old spirit mumbling about ways of life ending and a terrible one beginning._

_I knew the shems were changing us, the people. I had even over heard that they had begun to take the people as slaves and forcing us to teach them about the Beyond. I just didn’t understand. It’s because of me… I could have stopped all of this from happening if I had just believed._

 

 

From her perch at the top of the north battlement tower in Skyhold, Mel watched with a worried gaze. People of all kinds made their way across the lowered gate. Inquisition soldiers returning from securing areas in turmoil, nobles came to pay their respects, farmers and herders, miners and merchants. All with requests to meet with the Inquisitor.

For as many that arrived just as many left the protection of the high stone walls. And all into danger at her word. Liliana’s spies, Josephine’s messengers, Cullen’s soldiers, all on missions for her. She made the decision and not all of them always came back.

Mel sighed and hugged her knees, searching each person that caught her eye as they made their way in but none of them were Solas.

Nearly two weeks ago he had asked her for help. Mel had been very shocked that there was something the impressive mage needed her for. _Needed_ her. Her. Mel always felt like she made little to no difference at all. That anyone could take her place and no one would notice.

Solas, imperceptible as always had taken notice of her astonishment and set a warm hand on the curve of her neck and shoulder. “Lethallan, you are stronger than you realize. I do not doubt your ability.”

Feeling the blush warm her at his touch and honest words Mel had quickly agreed and offered her hand with anything he needed. A friend of his, a spirit, had been forcefully pulled from the Fade and bound. Solas was on the verge of panic as he had heard his friends cries for help through his dreams and he felt time running out.

They left within an hour, people on the road dodging the sharp hooves of their fastest horses, pushing themselves to the haunting Exalted Plains. The scouts sent ahead warned of a battle torn land and the dead walked. And Mel had seen it herself. A wretched place. And Mel had felt torn.

So many in this place needed their help. Mel couldn’t help it. She had to do something. It slowed them down, hunting the revenants and breaking the curses cast across the Plains, while they searched for clues on where Solas’ friend could possibly be.

Mel closed her eyes and inhaled. She would never forget his normal calmness broken and twisted in hatred and anger when they at last found it. Summoned by freighted and selfish mages and forced to kill, corrupted into a demon.

But Solas hadn’t been willing to give up on the spirit and she had helped him to free it. And with such sadness in his eyes his friend had died in his arms. Faded into nothing. And Solas’ wrath fell on the guilty mages.

He had given her the chance, the permission to stop him but she couldn’t. Mel admitted that she was disgusted the mages, at what they had done. It was terrible and abhorrent and yes she felt they deserved to die. So she stood back as Solas found his justice for his friend.

And then he left. He needed time he had said. And Mel had understood. But the hours, the days, they had turned into weeks now. Mel tried to busy herself with Inquisitor duties but it didn’t keep the worried knot from her stomach.

With a groan Mel let her legs flop over the edge of the roof and opened her eyes, a quick scan of the newly arrived faces revealed no Solas but her heart did leap at two of the familiar faces. Hawke and Fenris walked side by side, a quick pace, and people moved out of their path, whispering amongst themselves at the intimidating duo.

Hawke with her staff, wild hair and slashing red face paint. Fenris in dangerous armor, cold green eyes, and a terrifying great sword. Once again struck by something that was familiar about him. Something that left Mel frustrated. He was nothing like her. As far as she could tell that is. She hadn’t spoken to him since that first meeting where she had upset him.

She hadn’t meant to but well… it was a curious thing giving your child a cursed name. Keeper Deshanna had said that they were rare but powerful curses. There had to be a reason. As if he felt her eyes he glanced up and caught her stare and returned it with a glare before disappearing under her and through the gate.

For what seemed like the tenth time since climbing through the Commanders window and to the top of his tower, Mel sighed again. She felt guilty and felt the desire to fix this. And maybe a little investigation on her own about this curious Elvhen.

With an agile move Mel lowered herself over the edge and through the window. A nod to the Commander as she climbed down his ladder and left his office. She caught a glimpse of shocking white hair in the crowd making the way toward the tavern. Mel put a hand to her own white hair, braided down her shoulder and frowned.

“Feeling jealous Inquisitor?”

Mel looked up to find Dorian approaching her. Her first instinct was to smile and welcome him as a friend. He had been with her through the nightmare that was their future, seen the way it affected her, and stayed with her in the aftermath of her coming to terms with it all. In all aspects they had gotten on well, his sarcastic, jaded view of the world and her wide eyed curiosity.

After the destruction of Haven they spent very little time in the others company. Mel liked the man himself well enough but every time she heard his last name something in her froze and she began to shake. Mel pushed the thought far from her mind and frowned.

“Jealous?”

“Mmm yes. Of the way Varric’s moody friend can pull off white hair in a way that you just… cannot.”

Mel gave a half smile before feigning offense. “He could never wear it as long as I can. It would get tangled in that hideous armor of his.”

Dorian gave a slight bow. “You are correct in that. I could recommend an excellent armorer to him… do you think he would appreciate the hint?”

“I doubt you would leave the tavern with your mustache intact. “

This got a chuckle out of the other mage before he grew silent and contemplative. “You have been avoiding me Inquisitor. May I ask why?”

“Why would you think I am avoiding you?”

“I volunteered my services to the Inquisition… to you. And instead of wading through Venatori and demons I am digging through useless books and counting how many times the raven’s shit falls past me. You know I am more valuable than that.”

Mel winced at the angry bite his voice had and tried to quickly find an excuse. When he raised a brow at her hesitation, letting her know that he knew what she was doing, Mel let it go and looked away.

 

“I’m not sure what to say. You are pleasant enough and yes talented. And after what we went through together… I watched my friends- something about you terrifies me Dorian.”

“I see. I assure you that I am not a threat to you- I don’t recall ever encountering you before Redcliffe.”

“Deep down I know that you are weak as a nug. Perhaps I had a run in with one of your family-“

“No doubt they are the root of this. Wretched, ignorant…. Come to me immediately if you come across any of them again. Unless you would be more comfortable if I left Skyhold.”

Mel quickly looked at him with wide green eyes. “I don’t mean to put you in a position like that…”

“You have done nothing of the sort. This is all on them. Do you remember what they did to you?”

“I- I don’t. If they even did do anything to me at all- then I don’t remember. It’s more a feeling. Something inside me tears at me, telling me to stay as far away from you as I possibly can. The rational part of me knows you are trustworthy and I want you here… “

Dorian searched her eyes a moment searching her sincerity. Satisfied, he nodded. “Find me a better hobby than counting raven shit. I was on my way to the… delightful Commander… to challenge him to a game of chess. Care to join us?”

Looking back toward the tavern Mel shook her head. “Another time… I have another difficult conversation to get through.”

“Very well.”

Mel watched Dorian finish his short walk to Cullen’s office then slowly made her way toward the tavern. From the outside loud laughter could be heard. Mostly Iron Bull’s from what she could tell. Inside was crowded with people seeking to escape the horrors that awaited them outside if only for a moment.

Searching the lower floor, she saw Iron Bull and his company, acknowledging his greeting Mel walked up the stairs to the somewhat quieter second floor. In the far corner were Hawke and Fenris leaning over a table with a map between them.

Mel took a deep breath and approached them quietly. “The war room is at your disposal if you wish to use it.”

The two looked up at her, one with warm welcome and the other with distrust. “Thank you Inquisitor. I’m sure it would be much less distracting in there,” Hawke said.

“Have you made any progress? You had been gone for some time now.”

“We are going to Weisshaupt Fortress. The Wardens… or what is left of them must be there…”

“If you would like I could join you… The ball at the Winter Palace is approaching but I could follow afterward. I also heard the path there is difficult to navigate so another set of eyes couldn’t-“

“Bored with telling everyone else what to do so you decided to do the same for us?” Fenris snapped.

Mel looked at him wide eyed while Hawke sighed and rubbed the bridge of her nose. “I never said I would be going as the Inquisitor,” Mel replied hotly.

“We don’t want you there.”

“You mean _you_ don’t want me there.”

Hawke groaned then began to gather up the maps. “I’m going to go set these up in the war room. You two stay here and figure this out.”

Mel unclenched her fists and fought for calm after Hawke left. “I understand that I upset you-“

“I do not get... upset.”

“Fine. Angry. Vexed. Pissed off. Whatever you choose to call it and I’m sorry.”

Fenris glared at her a moment longer before nodding to one of the chairs at the table before taking one for himself.

“I might have over reacted. There are many factors in which you were not aware of when you said that I was cursed.”

“The markings?”

“Yes. The one who gave them to me… my memories. What I had to do.”

Mel rolled her eyes and relaxed back in her chair. “If I wanted mystery I would rather listen to Varric make one up.”

“Born a slave, memories burned away by these lyrium markings the magister used on me in experiments, my fight for escape, betrayal of my sister. Not to mention being an Elf is curse enough.”

Staring at him a moment Mel shook her head and signaled to Iron Bull down below. “I believe that deserves a drink.”

“You can see why I was… affected then?”

“Certainly. And I apologize again.” After a small stretch of silence while their drinks were delivered she studied him. White hair, green eyes, and vine like white markings across tan skin. She thought about their similarities and bit her lip, a thought occurred and she fought to voice it. “May I tell you something? Something I haven’t shared with anyone?”

Fenris looked uncomfortable but gave a nod.

“I- I think I might have been a slave.” Mel said so quietly Fenris had to lean across the table to hear.

“Why would-?”

The words came rushing out. “I have no memories… I was found wandering through the forests by the Dalish. When I first heard the house name Pavus, a Tevinter magister, also known to have slaves, I felt sick. I would avoid Dorian because of it.”

“But you wear the markings of the Dalish?”

Mel traced the lines. “I feel odd about them-“she cut off at the approach of one of Leliana’s spies.

“Inquisitor. From Leliana.”

Gaining composure Mel read the note while the messenger left. _Take a look outside._ Was all that it said but it was enough to bring Mel quickly to her feet.

“I must go Fenris. Thank you for speaking with me. And please…”

Fenris stood and motioned for her to stop. “You spoke in confidence. If you would like I can make discreet inquirers…”

“No please. I have the feeling that there are some memories I do not wish back.”

“As you wish.”

“ _Dareth shiral_ to you and Hawke.” And she left quickly through the door leading to the outer wall. From above she could see the familiar form of someone she missed dearly and ran for the stairs.

Mel met Solas as he walked through the courtyard, he was followed by a great Hart of blue coloring. She turned her attention back to Solas, her first instinct was to throw her arms around him. But she held herself in check. She was the Inquisitor after all and eyes followed every move she made.

“Inquisitor” Solas said in greeting with a hint of a smile at her eye roll.

“Solas… How are you?”

His smile fell and Mel could physically feel his pain.

“It hurts. It always does, but I will survive.”

“I’m relieved that you came back.” She said while taking his hand in hers in comfort.

“Thank you for your help. You did everything you could and I could hardly abandon you now.”

“Did you sleep? In the Fade?”

A little bit of his old self showed in his eyes. “Yes I did, I went to visit the place in the Fade where my friend used to be. As expected it was empty. But there are stirrings…”

“I wanted to tell you Solas- you don’t have to be alone unless that is what you truly wish.”

He bowed his head. “Trust is difficult for me… as I am sure it is with most.”

“I know.” Mel said with a smile. A grunt from the Hart behind Solas captured their attention and he pulled her to stand closer to it.

“While I was away I came across him, and thought he would be perfect for you.”

Mel stepped back. “For me? But I can hardly ride a horse!”

Solas smiled and brought her closer once more and the blue beast gave Mel’s shoulder a bump. “He needs a name.”

Giving in as she stared into the harts eyes she thought quickly. “I’ll simply call him Da. Because that is how he makes me feel!”

Solas chuckled and handed the reigns to a soldier to lead the newly named Da away to the stables. “Tell me has there been any excitement while I was away?”

“Not really. I learned that Cassandra reads those terrible romance novels of Varric’s in secret. You missed Cullen losing his clothes to Josephine. But you have not missed the fittings for our Josephine approved court apparel that we are to wear to the Winter Palace. I’m taking you there now. And we leave for the ball in two days.”

“I am glad to hear that I didn’t miss it.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	9. Corruption, Sex, Power

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> M for a reason folks.

_Have you traveled far in your life Wolf? Have you gone from the valleys to the mountains and down to the sea? How about beyond the sea to where there are lands untouched by anyone other than the bravest spirits?_

_Mamae said that it’s there, far away and that no one who sets out for it ever returns. The dragons come from there she said but only the most ancient of spirits remember. It had become a young dream of Shiral and I._

_We wanted to find the finest ship and explore the world. The Beyond is infinite, surely this means all of our existence is? My uncle told us of his travels to the corners of Elvhenan, made contact with far hidden dwarva, told us of their curious lack of magical ability but their determination in battle._

_Inspired by our adventurous spirit and the stories told by Mamae and Uncle, Shiral and I… We would sit out in the harbor for hours, watching the fishermen, learning for ourselves and making plans._

_As we grew older our plans began to be pushed to the back of our minds. Replaced by duties and relationships. On the nights when these became too much for us we would bring up our long ago dream. We would whisper and plan anew. Excitement bubbling in our blood and lighting our eyes as thoughts of all the untouched wonders we were going to discover._

_Only to be pushed aside once more when the day started again and our lives took over once more._

 

 

 

 

Royal affairs and politics were disgustingly intriguing, Mel decided. The soiree at the Winter Palace was well under way and Mel had already been giving the task of sorting out its various mysteries. The first was the entire reason she was stuffed into the uncomfortable Inquisition regalia Josephine had selected.

Discover who was plotting to assassinate Empress Celene. What she once thought would be an easy task, Mel recognized her hastiness within her first moments of arrival. The possible assassins were endless. Everyone had an agenda and were surprisingly upfront about it. With just enough civility that they couldn’t possibly be guilty of any actual treason.

To go along with the assassination plot there were rumors of compromised negotiations to bring the civil war in Orlais to an end. A power struggle between a duke and an elf, Venatori agents and blood throughout the palace and an awkward dance with Empress Celene’s cousin Florianne.

The more she investigated and discovered, the more she began to think that Celene was not the answer for the Inquisition, the answer to defeating Corypheus. And Leliana saw it too. One moment Mel is looking for clues on the assassin and now she is considering allowing the assassination to happen… if only on her terms. The thought made her feel sick and she wanted to go back to Skyhold desperately.

And there was the despicable way Solas was introduced as her serving man, a stunning reminder that they were elves in a human world.

Mel was getting irritable and shook off questions from Josephine about the dance with Florianne and went to search out Solas. The palace was the grandest place she had ever been. Every speck of it, even the nonexistent dust on the statues spoke of wealth and splendor.

Finding Solas wasn’t difficult. Near the gardens and leaned casually against the wall, Mel watched him for a moment as he sipped his wine, a hint of a smile as he watched those around him. Where Mel thought she looked like a savage tied up in red velvet she couldn’t say the same for him.

Dressed in the same threads as her however he looked elegant and noble. The hat was awful on its own but somehow she didn’t mind it on him. He wore court appropriate boots just as she did. Wiggling her toes against the hard leather Mel sighed. Josephine had demanded them, reasoning that the disapproval from the nobles would hinder any progress they made.

Solas had gladly donned the confining high calf footwear, leather breeches, red formal coat, and the way they fit him caused Mel to take a deep breath.

“How could anyone ever mistake you as a servant?” She said lightly as she joined him.

“Perhaps it was more for your benefit,” he said with a shrug. “The Inquisition needs support, resources, soldiers. Announcing to all of Orlais that I were anything more would endanger your needs.”

Mel was not satisfied with his answer. She came here to prevent a future where all was lost, lost with the death of Celene, which now seemed to be off the table, and hopefully dance with Solas.

“Solas… do you enjoy dancing?” Mel asked with hope is in her voice.

“I enjoy it a great deal. Now however may not be the best opportunity. Dancing with an elven apostate would win you few favors with the court.”

Mel felt her smile fade as she realized that he was right. “Of course. For a moment I forgot…”

Solas chucked her under the chin. “Perhaps afterward when we are no longer being scrutinized for every step we take.”

“I would like that.”

\---Solas walked through various rooms in the palace with haste, searching for Len’Melava. After the events which had just unfolded he was certain that she was in an awful state.

The murder of Celene by Florianne, and discovering her Venatori connections. Fighting an ambush of demons and Florianne to the death and using blackmail to give the elvhen servant Briala power over Duke Gaspard. He had seen the haunted look in her eye as she warned Briala to not fail her before leaving the ballroom.

He found her on the grand terrace, resting her arms on the edge, white hair tangled in her fingers. After approaching her quietly, he leaned against the edge and studied her. Blood splattered her formal attire, a couple of rips in the soft cloth and the blue sash looked singed. Her expression was blank as she took deep calming breaths.

“I’m not surprised to find you out here.”

She straightened gave a weak smile. “It wears on me. Making the decision to purposefully allow someone’s death. Again. I fear it will haunt me and justifiably so.”

Solas was struck speechless at her words and a realization came over him at the devastating loneliness in her eyes. The two of them were more alike than she can ever be allowed to know. His heart clenched with dread but he pushed it aside.

“With Briala controlling Gaspard for the good of the Inquisition and all of the elves… I’d say you did the right thing. You have given many a chance that they did not have before.” He sighed in small relief when she answered with a smile. “Hold onto that for as long as you can. Now come. You promised me a dance.” He said and flirtatiously bowed and held out his hand.

“I’d love to.” She whispered and took his hand.

Holding her close he swept her across the balcony, enjoying the feel of her hand on the back of his neck and her hair brushing across is hand at her waist.

“Venatori and demons aside it’s all very intriguing isn’t it?” He asked lightly, meeting her surprised eyes.

“You enjoyed all of this?”

“I did indeed. Watching people with power use it to gain more power, using sex, money, connections. It always fascinates me and I miss it.”

She was silent a moment and frowned. “You’ve been to court before?”

Her question caused him to stumble slightly on a missed step. He couldn’t tell her the truth and he would hate himself for it later, he sought to distract her and pressed her closer. “Well… never directly. Only in the Fade have I watched empires rise, divide, crumble.” He said with a low voice.

Len’Melava nodded slowly, her green eyes wide and Solas began to feel his actions work against him. Her eyes were deep and always gave away her deepest feelings and what he saw there in this moment made it hard for him to breath. The feeling increased when her hand tightened on the back of his neck and her eyes fell to his lips.

He had to bite back a groan when she wet her own and he stopped their dance, if it could be called that anymore as they were now barely moving in the first place. Dipping his head he brushed the tip of his nose against the edge of her jaw and ear, releasing her hand to smooth it down her side to join his other at her waist.

Heat raced through his veins when she caught her breath and instinctively turned her lips toward his but sense pulled him back with clenched eyes. “Forgive me… _ma vhenan_. I put you at great risk putting you in this position.” He didn’t want to put space between them and feared looking at the pain in her face when he opened his eyes.

Instead of hurt however he saw Len’Melava with a very pleased grin as she stepped back to give him space. “Afraid that I’ll ruin your reputation?”

Relief washed over him and he answered her smile. Disappointing and hurting her was the last thing he would ever do if he could avoid it. “Indeed I am. I have little else to carry along with me. Are you ready to return?”

She gave him a look that had him taking a hard swallow. “I am looking forward to it so very much.”

\---“Before we hold any council on where to go next I am demanding that everyone take a day off. The events at Halamshiral were exhausting and everything is unsettled. However we just arrived back in Skyhold and I need at least twenty four hours before we conjure to the war room.” Josephine stated as everyone gathered in the main hall.

Everyone nodded without complaint and wandered off to their own quarters one by one. The last in the hall were Mel, Solas, and Varric, each standing in silence. Solas and Mel stared at Varric and his gaze switched from face to face until he got the hint.

“Alright, alright I’ll go first. But don’t think for a moment that I won’t put this in my next book.” He grumbled as he walked toward the kitchens.

“Alone at last.” Mel said, she couldn’t help the coyness in her voice. Not waiting for Solas to reply she snatched up his hand in hers and pulled him quickly toward the stairway leading toward her quarters.

“Inquisitor-“, he began.

“Not now Solas.” Quickly she led him up the flight of stairs and flung them through the door. Only then did she release his hand and turn to face him while he backed away slowly until his back hit the wall. A flick of her wrist sent all of the candles and fireplace in the room ablaze with a warm flickering glow.

Mel couldn’t say for sure what was coming over her. She knew for certain that it had to do with him calling her his heart, a term that was not used lightly even for those bonded for years, and the deep knowledge that she needed Solas and so she took the first step toward him.

“Do you know what happens after tonight? Tomorrow we plan our attack on Corypheus. No longer are we going to stand back and struggle to catch up to his plotting. We are going to bring the battle to him.” She took another step, close enough to breathe in the scent of paint and magic.

“It hit me while I stood on that balcony that this could all be over at any moment.” She was standing only a breath away from him now, looking up she met his storm colored eyes. “If I had failed against Florianne, or the Grey Wardens, Alexius… any of the demons. I would lose not only myself but I would lose you too.” Reaching up she pulled his Orlesian hat from his head, dropping it carelessly to the floor and running her hand down to hold his jaw. “I don’t know what is going to happen tomorrow _ma vhenan_ … but we have tonight,” she whispered.

In tune with each other they met halfway in a rush to meet their lips together, Mel’s eyes falling closed and moaning when his arms wrapped around her. Their kiss was heated and wet, the feel of his tongue brushing against her lips was intoxicating and Mel began to pull at the buttons and belts that held his coat with shaking hands.

“I need to feel you Solas.” She whispered against his lips, gasping as his groan sent fire through her body.

Mel whimpered and frowned when he pulled back slightly and stopped her hands with his. “Please don’t stop this… I just…”

“Lethallan look at me a moment.” Slowly she granted him his request thought it pained her. “Are you certain this is what you wish? I- I would never take advantage of you in your vulnerability. I would give you the opportunity to stop while I still can. Much longer and there will be no going back…” he said gently.

In that moment, the passion mixed with concern… both for her, in his eyes, his lips wet and swollen from her own, the freckles dusted across his nose, his scent, all of him, Mel fell in love all over again. A relieved smile eased her apprehension that he was rejecting her.

“You are everything that I could ever wish.”

He smiled softly and slowly began to unbutton her coat. “Then from here on we are going to slow this… if only slightly.”

Mel closed her eyes and enjoyed the feeling of his elegant fingers brushing against her skin as he unclothed her. Gently pushing her hands away when she attempted to cover herself.

“ _Hamin_. You’re beautiful Len’Melava.”

With a blush Mel reached once more for his own clothing, her hands still trembled and her breathing was unsteady. She was slightly frustrated with his hold of composure and grew determined to break it.

With his chest bare Mel gazed at him unabashedly and ran her hands down his chest to the belt low on his hips. Biting her lip rand her fingertips along his skin, enjoying the sound of his teeth snapping together. Taking a breath of courage she stepped close enough to feel her breast brush against his chest and pulled his belt loose.

His breeches slowly slid down his thighs and Mel felt the hot hard press of his cock, clear evidence of his own need for her. Unable to resist her curiosity she looked down to brush a finger along his length, feeling herself grow wet at the sight of body’s response to her.

Solas muttered a curse and swiftly picked Mel up in his arms, her legs instinctively wrapped around his hips and their lips found each other with hunger. She felt like a feather floating across the treetops as he quickly carried her to the bed centered on the wall.

Locked together in a tangle of lips, arms, and legs they fell into the soft mattress, both moaning as their hands roamed the others body. Mel had never felt hands other than her own rub against her breast, had never had a tongue trace the edge of her ear, known a man’s desire for her. The evidence pressed against her thigh. The combined feeling sending black spots bursting through her vision.

When he began to move his cock in short thrusts against her thigh, Mel pressed her heels into the mattress and lifted her hips in answer. The brush of her of her own desire against his thigh had her panting and moving her hips need.

She felt the knot tightening inside her and reached for Solas’ hips. Without having to speak what she needed, he moved her thighs to wrap once more around his hips. One hand braced him above her and the other one rested on her hip, pressing his cock against her slick entrance.

Mel opened her eyes and met his hooded gaze, his eyes were full of love but a question hovered just behind it. Did she still want this- want him? To answer his unspoken question she rested hands against his neck and nodded.

Slowly with their eyes locked he slid inside, the sensation at first uncomfortable and caused her to fight back a wince of pain. It all faded from her mind however when his hips fit perfectly with hers, he closed his eyes and dropped his head to rest in the crook of her neck, his breathing shallow and quick, he held himself still.

Mel let him stay motionless for a brief moment, until she could no longer resist the urge to move her body against him. The friction of his cock pulling back slightly only to thrust back had her moaning his name against his shoulder.

Something snapped in them both for where before things were at a painfully slow pace they were now in a frantic rush of grasping fingers, clinging lips and thrusting hips. Mel needed this pace, needed the fast slam of his hips against hers. The sound of skin rubbing, Solas mumbling both curses and encouragement in elvhen teased her senses. His words began to sound desperate and his thrusting hips were frantic.

The hot knot of need deep inside her finally burst, and Mel went over the invisible edge of desire. As she felt the waves of release wash over her she held a trembling Solas close to her and a moment later he arched his back with a final deep thrust, a guttural groan against her neck and hands holding her hips tightly, holding her still.

Mel held him until his breathing calmed and his trembling subsided. Only then did he slowly lift himself to move to his side next to her on the bed. No words were needed as green eyes met blue, tenderness and release were all that was between them now.

Or so she thought.

 

 


	10. Freedom of a Slave

 

_I feel quite sorry for you Wolf for you are bound to the ground and cannot climb the rocky cliffs and tall trees. There once was a time when I climbed a tree or a cliff every day. There was always someone with me… His name was. Shiral. Yes Uth’Shiral and he was my brother. Why was that so difficult to remember? What did he look like? He- he had hair like mine._

_Wait my hair is streaked with white. What happened to it? I suppose it’s not important. What was I speaking about? Was it the time I got lost in the woods with… I cannot remember his name. My brother._

_He saved me, and now I have forgotten him._

_There’s a cliff I must find…_

The cold ran deep in the valley of Emprise di Lion. Mel shivered and pulled her cloak tighter around her shoulders as she led the company of soldiers toward Judicael’s Crossing. After hours of slow progress through the valley and up the mountain, made slower by the many camps of tainted Templars Mel stopped abruptly and her jaw dropped.

“What is this? Where’s the bridge?” She exclaimed in dismay.

Varric gave a low whistle as he cautiously looked over the edge. “Something pretty big must have done this.

Mel swiped a hand down her face in frustration.

“We don’t have time for this. We must cross this bridge to make it to the Arbor Wilds if we are to intercept Corypheus.” Cassandra growled.

“Scout Harding is there no way around this?” Mel asked the dwarf woman with hope in her eyes.

Harding considered her map for a moment, eyes searching for any answer. “I’m sorry Inquisitor but there just isn’t. Not for a march of this size.”

Mel’s control was on the verge of slipping away. The urgency of the situation pressed on her shoulders. They had to intercept Corypheus and his forces before they infiltrated Mythal’s Temple.

“I want this bridge in working order and I want it done as fast as possible.” She said in a tone that commanded every able bodied hand to get to work. “Until then we will set up camp in Suledin Keep.”

With the Inquisitors word made final everyone set into action. Orders were given to find materials and plans for the repair were worked on by engineers and craftsmen.

Mel took this time to explore the beautiful castle that had once been Suledin Keep. With Solas, Cassandra, and Varric at her side they had quickly cleared out corrupted Templars and their red lyrium.

Once the Keep was under the control of the Inquisition Mel set up a desk near the back of the keep where a tower had collapsed many years in the past. From there she could see the slow progress of the bridge as it was repaired while Cullen worked on route orders for his men.

She stood on the back balcony watching the soldiers light torches along the bridge as they worked into the darkening night.

“What do you think of Suledin Keep?” Solas asked as he joined her.

Mel looked over and gave him a small smile. “It’s beautiful.”

He looked down to the pile of rubble that had once been a tower. “Even in its ruined state?” he asked with a touch of sadness in his voice.

Mel looked around to the overgrown roots twisting through statues of Hart’s and nodded. “It’s wild here. I can feel that this place once was special to many.”

Solas looked to his side to study her. “There are nine Keeps such as this. They say each one was the home of a god.”

She seemed to think about this bit of information as she looked around and studied the sprawling Keep. “Who’s was this one?”

Here Solas hesitated. He knew exactly who once sat on a throne mere feet from where they stood. He couldn’t help the glance to where the throne would be. “Such knowledge is lost to me.” He said quietly.

“Hmm. With all the statues of harts which are essentially overgrown hallas perhaps this is where Ghilan’nain once lived. You know because she was the mother of the halla. First one and all that.”

Solas smiled at the simplicity of her assumption, as flawed as it was. “It’s possible.”

A smile lit her face as she playfully bumped him with the side of her hips. “Come on lets go eat.”

\---Their progress to the Arbor Wilds was delayed by a week for the repair of the crossing and Solas could see the tension winding tighter in Len’Melava’s shoulders as each day passed. She claimed it was the cold but he knew differently.

She was afraid that they would be too late.

The time came when at last the bridge was stable enough for the army to cross the canyon of ice and to the valley leading to the Arbor Wilds. Len’Melava gave the order to Commander Cullen immediately and he joined her side as they led the way.

He was uncertain as to just what they would find there in the Wilds for it had been many years since he had ventured so far south. Red Templars yes. Surprise ambushes from lethal elvhen, however were not expected and he fought them off as fiercely as Len’Melava did.

The closer they came to be to the Temple of Mythal the greater he felt the urgency in the air. They reached the temple just as Corypheus attempted to enter only to be delayed by the sacrifice of the wild elvhen centennials of the temple and their sacrifice.

Corypheus didn’t stay defeated for long and it was a desperate dash into the temple to hold him off. Solas watched as the yellow eyed witch Morrigan spoke of ancient rituals she could barely comprehend the surface of. He didn’t trust her and he was pleased to see that Len’Melava hardly did as well.

He followed Len’Melava closely, the wonder in her eyes as she examined every passage of the temple completing the rituals. She asked about the gods and ran a finger down the face of the statue of Fen’Harel. She was always most comfortable as she explored new surroundings.

When the last puzzle had been solved the doors opened to a great chamber and each of their party walked in with caution solid in every movement.

“We’re being watched.” Len’Melava whispered softly.

From above on the balcony overlooking the chamber an elvhen man stood, cloaked and arms crossed. Solas noticed the sentiennials with their bows drawn and stepped behind Len’Melava, ready to shield her if they should try and kill her.

“You are not like the others. You bear magic which is familiar… and you. You are familiar. How is this possible?” The man spoke, anger thickened his voice.

“The others are our enemies. I’ve come to stop them, and as for being familiar to you… I’m afraid I don’t know.” Len’Melava said.

“I am Abelas. We stand against those who trespass on sacred ground. I know why you are here. Why all of you attack century after century. You are here for the vir’abelasan. To drink from it.”

“I am Len’Melava and I don’t wish any such thing! I came only to stop Corypheus and his army. You have my word. But are you saying that you are an Ancient? From before the Tevinter Imperium destroyed Arlathan?”

“The Shemlen cannot be blamed for destroying us. We had already destroyed ourselves. When the shemlen arrived they were carrion feasting on an already dying world.”

Solas watched Len’Melavas shoulders as they tensed and she bowed her head for a moment before looking back up at Abelas.

“We’re not here to plunder the temple. Just Corypheus.”

Abelas nodded slowly. “You will be permitted to continue. And then permitted to leave and never return.” At Len’Melava’s nod of agreement a door opened. “You will be guided. But the vir’abelasan will not be touched even if I have to destroy it myself.”

Solas could not say he was terribly surprised by the witches cry of rage when Abelas turned away to leave. Nor was he surprised when the witch transformed herself into a raven and took flight after Abelas.

Len’Melava shook her head in weariness. “Come on lets follow the guide.”

\--------Whispers floated from the clear pool of water, Mel could hear each of them. But she could quite make them out. Convincing Abelas that the well would be of little use to their people if it was destroyed or hidden away. But someone how she had pleaded her case and it brought her sadness to see him so lost.

She had offered him a place by her side but he had declined, choosing instead to take his chances alone in a much changed world. His parting words still with her as she stepped into the well despite both Solas’ and Morrigan’s protests.

“I do not know how you came to be here but you have your mother’s eyes. Your hair is changed however as is your innocence.” He said so quietly that only she could hear and then he left before his words truly registered.

But these thoughts slipped away as darkness and the wells memories consumed her, voices floating through her mind. Some were shouting and some were singing. When the darkness receded Mel found Solas holding her arm as he called her name, bringing her back to the present. She saw his lips moving and his voice faded in and out.

However dazed she felt she was ok. “I’m fine really Solas.” She said softly. The roar of rage from behind her had her spinning quickly to see Corypheus and she knew they had to get out of there. Solas held her by the hand and pulled her through the eluvian and just like that they were back in Skyhold.

Mel saw the look Solas sent the others and they each walked away from the eluvian until she was alone with him. She could see he was angry and upset with her. Knew she deserved it.

“Solas… we need this. The knowledge burning in my mind… it’s incredible. So much going through me-“

She cut off as Solas gave an animalistic growl and stalked away. Mel decided that she might give him a moment before attempting to talk again. Her walk took her to Dorian and his ramblings.

Refreshingly his first concern was of her wellbeing. And she realized that she had needed the moment to calm down herself. Dorian’s soothing voice and rational words calmed the voices in her mind and when she was ready she left to confront Solas.

She found him painting vigorously and full of passion. His hand controlling the brush with angry precision and she knew that he had yet to calm down as much as she had. Without turning to look at her he spoke.

“Why did you do it? Why when I begged to you not to? You… you sold yourself!”

“What do you mean exactly?”

Solas shook his head, sadness replacing the anger at her innocence. “You belong to Mythal. Everything you do will always be for her.”

Mel felt anger at what he insinuated. “You don’t even believe in the ancient ones like the Dalish.”

“I believe that they were still real… just not as gods.” Solas had been frowning but that frown smoothed into resignation. “It is better that you hold the power rather than Corypheus. What will you do with that power once he is dead however needs an answer.”

Mel thought hard about her answer. About what she truly wanted for the ones she loved and the world they lived in. “I want to restore the world, to give it back to the people so they won’t be afraid to grow their crops or play in the meadows.”

Solas’ expression softened and Mel could see the light he held in his eyes for her. “Thank you for not being what I expected Len’Melava.” He paused while studying Mel. “Come with me vhenan.”

He took her by the hand and led her up to her chambers. “I have been thinking about your dilemma with the Fade, on why you were unable to enter on your own. If you would allow me to… I think I can help.”

Her bed looked so soft and inviting that she couldn’t even think to refuse him as he guided her to lay down. A moment later he lay next to her and held her hand.

They walked among beautiful stag statues covered in vines. The mist from a waterfall hovered in the air as Solas led her to the edge of the lake.

“The veil is thin here. Can you feel it?”

Mikka looked down at her fingers. “I can feel it. The tingle… it’s familiar to me.”

Solas raised a hand to cradle her face, bringing her gaze to meet his.

“I wanted to show you what you mean to me.”

The smile she offered was full of heated promise. “I can offer a suggestion…”

A light chuckle escaped Solas. “I shall bear that in mind. However I thought the truth would be more fitting… You are unique. You stole my attention from the Fade… reminded me what was important, and real. You are important to me, more so than I could have ever imagined.”

Mel felt as if she would burst with the feeling rising in her chest and she gave a smile that held a hint of trembling. “Solas… I feel the same.”

He was silent a moment, his eyes moving across her face. She could see the words on the edge of tumbling into existence each different but what he said instead shocked her and beyond what she could have imagined.

“The truth… the marks on your face… the truth behind them. They are the markings of a slave. At least in the time of ancient Arlathan.”

Mel could see the truth in Solas eyes, his sadness.

“Something else that the Dalish had wrong? Is any of it true?”

“I’m sorry.”

And she could tell he was sincere. That didn’t stop her sigh.

“I didn’t know them well but they tried so hard to preserve the old culture. And instead they hold onto when we were no better than Tevinter.”

“They preserve only what was passed down to them from the generations before. And they got one thing right. They saved you so that you could save us all. And there’s more… I can remove the vallaslin.”

“I believe you. And though I have no memory of what I was like before the Dalish, I know that I wouldn’t have approved of slavery and never would have submitted.”

“I look at you and I see you and no you deserve better than what those marks represent.”

Mel closed her eyes and tilted her face upwards. “Please…”

Through her eyelids she could see a green glow and felt the warmth of the spell Solas was casting. As the warm tingle faded she opened her eyes.

“Ar lasa mala revas. You are free.” Solas said with a small smile. “You are so beautiful.”

The pounding in her heart could be felt through her whole body and the closer Solas moved towards her the louder it was. He gently moved his arms to wrap around her waist and leaned in to meet her lips with his. The hunger Mel had had for him since their one night together was stronger than ever and she hoped this moment never ended.

The moment ended and when she opened her eyes she watched in confusion as the love and happiness written on his face drained to horror and guilt.

“And I am sorry….”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	11. Child of the Sun

_I often wondered Wolf, why the People had such long lives. I wondered why we once had the gift of immortality and why all other forms of life were denied this… this wonderful gift. I suppose it was our drive to learn, to experience everything there was ever to experience. We wanted to fly with dragons, walk with spirits, love with our whole beings, and wage war with our hot blooded passion... So maybe we pushed our beings into immortality, our ravenous hunger driving us to live forever so that we might experience everything._

_Perhaps that is why we Dream. Our hearts were broken to have missed out on times before, so we ask the spirits to show us._

_We wanted it all Wolf. And one world wasn’t enough._

_Mamae, in one of her stories, spoke of a time long before me where everything was One. And then it wasn’t. The veil divided us and the People were frightened. This world alone wasn’t enough for us Wolf. The Old Ones built a land Mamae called Hanal’ghilan. A world we created to be closer to the Evanuris. Yet instead it became tainted with war, greed, and deceit._

_Where did we find such arrogance?_

_Such incredible power the People once had Wolf. It’s no small wonder why the Shemlen are envious. But do they know we no longer have this power? The power to create whole worlds faded… along with our immortality._

_One day we would be welcomed into the Pathways, Mamae would tell us. One day we would unlock it and restore yet another piece of our world._

_I feel jealous. I feel as if I have missed out on so much. Times where my People created such wonders and held the knowledge to all. Now everything we once were is slipping away, locked, secret… forbidden. And now stolen._

_History became twisted and Mamae did her best to teach us._

_But she was young compared to the other Dreamers, and we were too innocent to understand._

 

 

Child of the Sun

 

The dust had not yet settled around the rubble that was once the Temple of Sacred Ashes, and Mia gazed at everyone before her. She took in every bloodied cut, the mixture of hope and fear on every face. The weary smiles and tentative laughter.

They had won. Corypheus had been ripped from their world and locked away in the Fade. Relief spread through her limbs and Mia slowly took the steps toward her friends. Dorian rested an arm over her shoulders while Vivienne soothed a burn on her thigh. Cassandra repeatedly asked if she were alright and Varric and Iron Bull began to discuss titles of what this battle would be called.

Mia twisted under Dorian’s arm to look for Solas, to share this wonderful moment with him. In these precious moments of victory, it hardly mattered that her heart had been ripped from her chest the night Solas removed her vallaslin. All she wanted now was to meet his grey eyes for a moment of shared happiness. The rest could wait.

However when she searched the ruins for him, she found nothing but the shattered remains of the ancient orb Corypheus had used to throw their world into chaos.

“Perhaps he went on to Skyhold…” Mel whispered to herself.

But deep inside she knew he was already long gone. Everyone had been celebrating their victory, everyone except Solas. The brief moment she had had with him as he knelt over what was left of the orb, her words of comfort were lost on him, the evident way his shoulders slumped and the light was gone from his eyes.

She should have realized in that final moment with him that he was lost to her. Nothing at Skyhold remained for him. Once, just days before, Mel thought she would have been enough. That rebuilding Thedas at her side was a future for them.

*A week later as she passively listened to Leliana’s theories for his disappearance, Mel considered giving up. If Solas had wanted her to know where he had gone, and if he’d ever planned to return, he would have told her himself.

“Leliana… If you don’t mind, I’m going to stretch my legs.”

“As you wish Inquisitor, perhaps we can discuss our next move at another time.”

Mel fought back a sigh. “Rather would you send everything you have to my room? I’ll search for him on my own time. Our resources are best used on searching out any remaining rifts for me to close. While Corypheus is gone, there is still a threat.”

Leliana gave her arm a comforting squeeze before she slipped away to gather any maps and messages about the missing elvhen, leaving Mel to leave the War Room on her own and make her way to the battlements.

Since the victory against Corypheus she had had many moments alone. Time in between meetings which before would have been spent in the company Solas, now were used for solitude.

“Has it truly only been a month since the Winter Palace?” She asked the ice covered mountains before her. Everything had happened so quickly since then.

“Your pain is familiar. And very very old. I tried to resist the need to help you. None can bear more than you yet something grows- changing you- him… everything will change and I could no long ignore your- his pain.”

Mel looked beside her to find Cole. She’d had no idea he had joined her but that was how Cole worked. He only approached when he was needed. She turned back to rest her arms on the cold stone of the hold rampart, searching the Frostbacks for answers.

“I am in pain Cole… but it is foreign to me. Tell me… is he in as much pain as I? I have never felt loss such as this. “

“You don’t remember. Panic, the air shaking, and then an endless rain of blood before the cold. Terrifying and dark cold- then you’re you but you change- he took what made you you. He _is_ agony incarnate. It threatens to tear the stars from the sky. It _will_. A child of the Sun can- can find a way to stop him. To save him.”

Mel stood with her gaze transfixed on the young shaggy haired boy. She listened to each of his breathy words and her heart stopped for a moment before hope spread through her.

“Cole- please tell me… do you- do you know who I am? Know where Solas is? Who took my memories?” Cole shook his head and began to pace nervously.

“I only know your suffering. He suffers with you.”

“You- you spoke before of an old pain… and Solas begged you to let it go. Please tell me Cole!”

“Spirts. The spirts know- they know everything but you have to know where-“

“Tell me! Where must I go to find these spirits?” Mel’s voice rose and she grasped for Cole’s shoulders looking to meet his bleary eyed gaze.

“The light in you burns greater than ever. I’ll go with you. I want to help. I will help the four of you.”

“Where will we go Cole? Please I need to know. Who?”

Mel felt as if she couldn’t breathe and her hands clenched around his shoulders.

“Listen.” Cole whispered with pleading eyes.

A moment of silence passed before Mel realized of what he meant. The whispers were often distant and unintelligible, easily ignored now that she no longer needed their guidance on destroying Corypheus. Once she considered seeking their knowledge about Solas yet how could they possibly know? That was not how the knowledge of Mythal’s servants worked. So she continued to ignore them.

Now, however she eagerly closed her eyes and opened her mind, listening. One word echoed louder than the rest.

“Arla.” Mel opened her eyes and stared into Cole’s with frustration. ”Home. But I don’t remember where home is.”

* * *

 

“I knew you would come. You should not have given your orb to Corypheus, Dread Wolf.”

A wretched and defeated Solas slowly approached the waiting Mythal.

“I was too weak to unlock it after my slumber… The failure was mine. I should pay the price, but the People, they need me. _She_ will need me.” Solas embraced his oldest friend. “I am so sorry.” He knew he was no better than those he locked away long ago, but he had to right his wrongs as best he could.

“I am sorry as well, old friend.” She whispered.

He had resolved himself long ago that he would undo what he had done to the People. Steeling himself against what he was doing to Mythal, Len’Melava, to every innocent out there, he drew on Mythal’s gift.

All the chaos of Corypheus had been because he hadn’t been strong enough, hadn’t considered all possibilities. Once again his pride had been his undoing.

As Mythal fell limp in his arms he felt her life surge through him, her ancient power twisting with his, her knowledge became his. Yet it was the whisper of another voice that began to echo through his mind and the horror at what he had done overcame him.

* * *

 

Knelt on the floor in her quarters, Mel studied Morrigan’s eluvian. Left behind until Morrigan and her son found a place to keep it safe, Mel had had it moved to her quarters. Another part of history lost to her people. A curious place called the crossroads. She was unsure on how Morrigan’s was unlocked, she wasn’t even certain she would want to venture through even if she knew.

Seems she would rather sit and listen to the whispers, to consider Cole’s words as the hours extended into the late night and early morning. The whispers from Mythal, they had no name so that is what she chose to call them, had been constant since her conversation with Cole earlier in the day. Difficult to piece together but one phrase slowly began to repeat over and over, becoming stronger, louder the longer she sat there.

“Ma vhenan, mala suledin nadas. Ir abelas- my heart, now you must endure. I am sorry.”

Mel frowned at her reflection as the words echoed louder until it was all she could hear, she felt them through her bones and her scream of pain joined them. Feeling as if her mind were splintering she grasped at her hair, twisting and knotting her fingers in the strands and she bent forward. Her scream lowered into a guttural groan, and the echoes through her mind continued.

She felt a storm of emotions rip her senses to shreds. Grief and sadness made it difficult to breath, rage and violence burned her skin, guilt and shame crushed her bones, and a devotion so unyielding, so consuming.

Consequently she was incoherent to the rest of her body and failed to notice the signs of a churning stomach and began to retch on the floor. She didn’t feel hands on her shoulders, didn’t feel them pulling her hair from her grasp and out of the mess.

“Ma vhenan, mala suledin nadas. Ir abelas. Ma vhenan, mala suledin nadas. Ir abelas.” She began to mutter when the heaving stopped and the edges of pain driven madness took over. Her eyes opened of their own will, her spine straightened and she found her reflection.

 

A low moan escaped her before she slumped backwards, finding relief in the nothingness that she fell into.

* * *

 

_“I’m willing to endure, though I know not why.”_

_“….”_

_“We were happy… I was happy.”_

_“….”_

_“So young. Yet so old. Mistakes of the old, the young take the punishment.”_

_“….”_

_“They need me still. He needs me.”_

_“….”_

_“My father is of the Sun… my mother of the Dream.”_

_“….”_

_“I Dreamed with Dread Wolf. For two millennia.”_

_“Please…. I am so sorry. I have not the strength to withstand what I have wrought. You are a slave no more, Daughter of the Sun…. Daughter of the Dream. Ar lasa mala revas… you are free.”_

_“Where there is darkness…”_

* * *

 

“I will be the light….”

“What did she say? The first _almost_ intelligible thing I’ve been able to make out of her this whole time!”

“Shhh. She wakes.”

Mel felt the last tendrils of sleep ease their grasp from her, feeling tingled from her finger tips and spread through her body. ‘Am I laying on my back? I hate sleeping on my back…’ She thought to herself.

She heard far away voices, they felt… familiar.

“Just a little while longer Mamae… Go pester Shiral…” Mel grumbled out and twisted her body so as to lay more comfortably on her side.

“Sorry Inquisitor… we have people to save. Order to bring to cultist savages and nobles to appease.”

Mel frowned, her eyes still closed. ‘That was not my Mamae.’ She thought silently.

“The Seeker is correct. If word got out that our fearless leader spent a week lounging about in bed, we’d have all our enemies forcing their company on us before we could break out the welcome bans.”

Slowly Mel opened her eyes and immediately slammed them shut against the horrible searing pain the light brought. She gasped and rubbed her eyes.

“Sensitivity to light mm? I’ll pull the drapes.”

Mel tried to put a name to the familiar voice yet it stayed just out of reach. With shaky arms she pushed herself up to lean against the pillows behind her, grateful to the helpful hands that steadied her should her arms give out. When the pain from the first assault of light had faded, she opened her eyes, cautiously this time.

It took a long moment to study the woman and man standing by her side, to take in the large yet simple room.

Mel quickly wet her dry lips and willed her memories to come forward, to reveal the names of these humans.

“Inquisitor, what happened? What do you remember?” The woman asked.

“More importantly… how are you?” The man urged instead.

Mel hesitated. She wasn’t frightened of these humans… rather she trusted these two humans. She didn’t remember why but she trusted them with her life.

“I remember… Arlathan. And my Mamae, my twin brother. The dragons and everything was destroyed.” Mel’s eyes became sightless and her voice frantic as more and more memories flooded back to her. “Mamae stayed, lost with my home. Shiral and I ran, hid, and were found. Forced to mark ourselves as slaves…”

Mel lifted her fingers to run them along where her vallaslin once disfigured her skin.

“They’re gone…”

Focusing on the wide eyed humans she continued. “There was cold, and hunger, but we had each other. Then I angered Magister Pavus, I would have died if not for Shiral. He stayed and I ran alone. I ran until the cold would have taken my life. Then…” Mel drifted off and confusion replaced certainty.

“A wolf… no- no not just any wolf. It was _him_. The Rebel One. I’m sure of it though I didn’t know this at the time. I can remember the warmth of his fur… the grey in his eyes… he led me to a marvelous place. It was everything that was warm and lovely just as he was and… he became all that mattered. I told him all, everything I had ever known, I offered to him. And when I had finished we stopped because I was tired, and I slept.”

The two humans continued to listen silently, both with small frowns of worry.

“When… when I awoke…” Mel swallowed thickly. “I was alone and I no longer remembered… all I had was my name. Why did he take my memories? Did he abandon me?”

Mel fell silent as she grieved the loss.

“Is this when you found the Dalish clan Lavellan?” The woman urged.

“Slow down Cassandra. It might have slipped past your Seeker trained sensibilities but can you not see our Mel here is upset?” The man defended.

“Do not think I missed the fact that she mentioned your family-“

Mel felt the sinking feeling in her chest lighten as she at last remembered who they were.

“It’s   alright… Dorian. I need to continue. Seems it helps me to remember. To get back to the- well not a story but the memories. I roamed the land aimlessly, hunting and gathering what I could until, yes, I stumbled upon the Lavellan. And they took me in, I relearned magic though it is much simpler now than it was when… well when.” Mel shrugged and pulled her knees to her chest.

“I remember everything…” She said in a quiet voice. “Stumbling upon Corypheus and the Divine at the Concave, meeting all of you, becoming Inquisitor and all we did to right the world.” A new wave of pain flooded her as memories of Solas took over. He freed her of the slave markings. And he left. This time she was the one to stay behind.

“What about when you collapsed? Cole said you were in pain but not what caused it. He is the one who found you.” Cassandra asked.

Mel relived that night in silence. Something had changed with the knowledge of Mythal. The whispers had become soul cracking screams. A Dream of darkness with the company of… it had _felt_ like… but he had abandoned her. And spoke of her father. Not even her Mamae had known…

“Just an awful headache I suppose. The- the whispers from the Well of Sorrows have stopped… I no longer hear them.” Mel attempted lamely with a shrug.

The suspicious stare from Cassandra was often seen given to Varric and the skeptical lift of Dorians brow was a bit comical.

“Right… because really bad headaches have the power to break curses and turn your hair different colors…” Dorian said with a straight face.

Mel’s eyes widened and her hands flew to her hair, she pulled a handful from her shoulder in order to see for herself. As he had said, her hair once more the familiar black and with a yelp she scrambled from the bed. After a small stumble, Dorian held her arm and she made her way to the eluvian.

There in the reflection was her familiar self, if a bit thinner from a week of unconsciousness.

“I’m back…” She whispered in awe and touched her reflection with a tremor in her hand. “Might- might I have a moment alone?”

Cassandra and Dorian shared a look. “Of course Inquisitor. If you need anything…”

“Thank you Cassandra, I’ll let you know.” Mel didn’t watch them leave but as each second passed it became more and more difficult to hold back her emotions. The moment she heard the door give a quiet groan, signaling they had departed, Mel sank to her knees with a sob and she grieved.

It was as if she had lost everything all over again. Her beautiful Mamae, her strong Uth’Shiral, Arlathan, her People, Solas, and the life they could have had… she awoke in a much changed world, left behind. She felt incredibly alone.

Her cries slowly stopped and she calmed her breathing. Staring back at her still was her tear soaked reflection and something familiar teased at her mind. An image of a scowling elvhen flashed through her mind.

“No. I’m not alone.”

 

 


	12. True Desires

_She was freedom. Is freedom. The light in her eyes and the strength of her heart brought hope to chaos. Unique and rare… I had tried not to forget this girl who, despite her pain, told me stories. I stayed because of the hope she brought to me. Selfishly I stayed. Until I woke and found a world… the People… I no longer recognized them._

_I had to right the grievous tear in the world… and so I left the sleeping girl. I never expected she would wake._

_It had been so long since I had met one with the fire of revolution burning through them. It angered me to see her marked as a slave, marked by the People… or so I had thought. Hers was much older than the Dalish. I remember now…_

_Freedom for mages, freedom for Elvhen, forgiveness for those who seek it, welcome arms to those who would fight for it._

_I thought surely this would be too much to expect in someone so young. Someone who, to all appearances, was little more than a wildling from the plains, with innocent wide eyed views of how the world they lived in worked._

_While she was certainly all of those things she had understood the value of life. When those closest to her asserted their opinions and advice, she held fast and strong to her will. I could see it was never easy for her and perhaps that is what I regret the most._

_She deserves better. I knew this and still I stayed, I stayed for that shining beacon of hope that bloomed within me anytime she was near._

_Then I failed. I created a world that burned around her. And I again… left._

_-Reflections from Solas as he sketched the profile of Len’Melava of Arlathan._

The tavern was abuzz with happy chatter and raucous laughter when Mel slipped into the dimly lit building. She adjusted the hood of her cloak over her hair, attempting to ensure it was covered.

Thankful for the setting sun and cool winter winds as there were more than one set of ears covered by warm woven wool. As happy as she was to have her hair back to its ink black, she was not prepared to answer the questions that came with the change. It was all still so new to her like a fresh wound.

However even with her hair hidden she was easily recognized by those around her. As she stood there blinking her eyes to help them adjust, a brief cheer arose from the occupants. Burly soldiers mingled with elegant mages and all raised their tankard towards her in a salute.

Shouts of ‘Maker save the Inquisitor’ mixed with ‘for the Herald’ rang through the air.

Mel gave a startled nod, a blush creeping up her ears. Iron Bull shoved a sloshing tankard into her hand and gave her a knowing look, offering guidance to which she was grateful.

“To all of you!” She cried out above the cheers, lifting her tankard high before laughing down a bitter gulp. Her smile stayed with her as she made her way up the stairs to the second floor of the tavern. Somewhat quieter than the main level, the occupants still greeted her with smiles and nods.

She quickly returned the gestures before sweeping the tables for the achingly familiar face. A face so like her own.

When she saw him seated with Varric and Hawke Mel felt her stomach give a nervous clench.

Suddenly she was back in the magister’s laboratory, her brother wiping blood from the cut on her lip, telling her that she must leave… leave without him.

Mel was shaken from her memory at the feeling of a tear running down her cheek. Quickly wiping it away, she begged for strength and tried to remind herself that her brother needed her to be strong.

As she approached their table, the three occupants turned their attention toward her.

“You’re Inquisitorialness! I wondered when we would see you around.” Varric said.

“Yes we had heard you were… indisposed. Nothing serious I hope.” Hawke offered a bit more quietly than Varric.

Mel hardly heard their words, her attention was locked on Fenris, and the sounds of chatter and laughter had disappeared. The white tousled hair darkened to match her own, the cursed lyrium markings faded, and the scowl turned into a playful smirk.

His laughter echoed around her, warm and soothing. She could smell the handful of mud he held in his hand, poised to toss it at her if she didn’t give his fishing pole back.

“Inquisitor!” A voice said roughly, a hand grasped her shoulder and gave her a light shake, causing her to blink the vision away and wipe the eyes again. She wasn’t apologetic when she looked to Hawke and Varric.

“If Fenris doesn’t mind… I’d like to have a moment alone with him.” She said quietly.

Varric dropped his hand and looked over his shoulder to Hawke who in turn looked to Fenris. He had a neutral expression but gave a small nod. Hawke turned a hard look on Mel but began to step around Varric until Mel held up a hand.

“I’d like it if he joined me where there are none to listen.”

Hawke narrowed her eyes suspiciously. “Just what is it you need to discuss with him that demands such secrecy?”

“Please… this is already terribly difficult for me. After I have finished what I have to say, if you know will be up to him.” Mel felt terrible for denying Hawke and Varric inclusion. She considered them friends, or at the very least comrades but this… this was something painful and personal. She turned and walked toward the stairs leading to the final floor and took the exit onto the battlements. If Fenris followed her it would be up to him.

Mel had walked a short distance from the door before facing the icy valley set ablaze in the setting sun. The groan of the door alerted Mel to his presence and he kept his silence when he joined her side, waiting for her to say her piece.

Mel was suddenly tongue tied. She had a thousand words to say yet she knew not where to start.

“Fenedhis…” She whispered, her hands clenched at her sides. Still Fenris was silent, reminding her there was a possibility that she was wrong, that Fenris was just an unfortunate soul. Mel closed her eyes and relaxed her limbs, her soul searching… and it found something familiar. No… she was not wrong. With newfound certainty she faced her brother, finding his matching green eyes watching her impatiently.

“I remember… I remember how I know you.”

He crossed his arms.

“I was a slave once. My home destroyed and my freedom ripped to shreds and you… you are my brother- _were_ my brother. In another life that is.”

He uncrossed his arms and his expression turned angry. Mel took a deep breath and refused to look away.

“I have lived for over two millennia, goodness I’m considered an Ancient by modern standards, since before the fall of Arlathan. And my brother… my _twin_ brother, Uth’Shiral died long before you, of that I am certain. I do believe that peace was denied to him, and that you are a remnant of my brother, as were many others before you. An ancient curse of painful rebirth, to live a life of heartbreak and rage, over and over again. Happiness to forever be denied.” Mel said in a quiet rush, her eyes glistening with tears.

“I know you are not truly him… I can see that in the way you look at me. He was… he was my- my- damn… Please forgive me. I know he has been gone so long… yet in my mind it was only yesterday that he saved me. Healed my wounds, wrapped his last scrap of clothing around me and shoved me into the cold winter night where I- it hardly matters anymore.” She finished with a sigh. “I have a point to all of this… if you are willing… I know of a way to break the curse.”

“What will you gain from that… if what you say is true?” Fenris said with a growl.

“I gain my brothers spirit his freedom. He died a slave and none deserved a long full life more than him. All that I ask in return is that you live your life to its full potential… with happiness and warmth.”

Fenris was silent, is expression stony as ever but his eyes searched hers for confirmation. Perhaps what he found satisfied him for he gave a small nod.

“How is this… curse… broken? Magic I assume?”

He said the word ‘magic’ with venom, reminding Mel that despite his lover being a mage, he still despised magic. Mel did not fault him for it.

“A great deal of it too. Power that isn’t seen anymore. We Elvhen before… we could create, and we could destroy with ease. Now that I remember, I look around and I see how weak we have truly become.” Mel turned back to gaze out to the valley.  

“Wouldn’t you have the ability? If you are a… Ancient?”

Mel snorted and shook her head.

“I am a child- an infant really, by ancient Elvhen standards. I had only seen sixteen years before Arlathan fell, I had not even been granted permission to Dream though that did not stop my brother and I from dabbling. When I became a slave my training of course stopped. The knowledge I have now is that of a fledgling and what I have picked up since I woke from uthenera…. Our ancestors must pity us.”

“Then how do you expect to break this ‘curse’ if you are too weak to do it yourself?”

“We must find the one thing rarer than a world without war… an ancient.”

* * *

 

“Are you alright Mel?” Dorian asked from her side. “I don’t believe I’ve seen this much… vomit since the celebrations of your victory and never from you.”

The Tevinter was answered with another groan before Mel’s stomach emptied its meager contents. She was knelt on the floor, a wooden bucket clutched in her hands and hair curtained around her. The spasms of her stomach continued, leaving her exhausted and covered in a thin sheen of sweat.

“I- I’m fine. Some after effects of whatever magic freed me from the Well of Sorrows I think.” She finally answered once her body had calmed. She leaned back against the side of her bed and gladly accepted the chalice of water from Dorian, drinking the cool water greedily. “And it was _our_ victory.”

“Call it what you like but it wouldn’t have happened without you.” He stood above her and leaned a shoulder against her bookshelves. “You’re leaving are you not?”

Mel pushed her hair from her face and looked up at him, surprise evident in her eyes.

“It’s not difficult to piece together Inquisitor. You just found out who you truly are, your home was destroyed, you were enslaved- sorry about that by the way. I’ve told you time and again my ancestors are awful. Not to mention He-Whom-We-Shall-Not-Mention doing a bit of his own disappearance. Naturally you are going to want to leave and do a bit of self-rediscovery. My question is why all the secrecy? None outside of the Seeker and I know the truth as far as I know.”

The fact that Dorian always had so much to say was one of the many reasons Mel adored him. He filled the silence and never held back the truth, or played silly word games. She always knew just what he meant.

“I’ve already spoken to Cassandra… I think it’s best that none know about my past. At least for now, while I try to figure the last two thousand years out. But yes you are correct. I am leaving, for many reasons but I will return once I have finished my quest. I’m returning to Arlathan. But Thedas will believe I am going to the Deeproads. Darkspawn sightings and all of that. Leliana naturally must know, if she doesn’t already.”

Mel sighed and rubbed a hand over her sore stomach.

“I’m also considering a haircut.”

“Please tell me you aren’t going with an appropriate style. I’m used to it being a wild mess.”

Mel scoffed but answered with a weak grin. “Naturally not.”

Dorian grinned and crossed his arms. “In that case I hear Iron Bull has a sophisticated flair with the scissors.”

Mel gave a quiet laugh before remembering that for once she couldn’t go to her friends for something.

Dorian noticed the change and sighed. “But… you don’t want to have to explain all these sudden changes. All right then, where are the scissors? I can’t promise a decent trim but you did say you wanted to keep it wild am I correct?”

* * *

 

The stables were quiet and warm in the early morning a week later. Mel silently saddled a black and white courser horse named Spirit. The gentle animal would nudge Mel with her muzzle whenever she passed by to adjust a strap, bringing a smile to her face.

Once Spirit was ready for travel, Mel turned toward the stall her beastly Da called home. He watched her with solemn eyes and Mel ran a hand gently between his eyes.

“I’m sorry I can’t bring you with me. You would bring too much attention and where I’m going… I’m not certain what will be waiting for me. It’s best if you stay here and keep Master Dennet company. Leliana promised to arrange plenty of exercise for you so you must behave…. Dareth Da.”

Mel checked her deep cloaked hood to make sure her appearance was covered before leading Spirit into the cold morning air. Very few of Skyhold’s many occupants were up and about, as the sun had only just begun to lighten to dark sky, and only Dorian was there to see her off.

The announcement of her departure alone to stroll around the Deeproads had been met with protests from everyone, including Dorian and Leliana for appearances sake. Nevertheless Mel moved forward with her preparations and denied the requests for anyone to join her. Leliana had given her word that none would make the attempt to follow her despite what she promised the others after she had made the announcement.

Dorian waited by the portcullis, Mel’s staff and bag of supplies slung across his back. When she had joined him he helped her to secure them to the saddle, covering the staff as best they could in order to avoid unwanted attention, then gave her a quick leg up into the saddle.

“Alright then. Map?”

Mel gave her side a pat. “Check.”

“Plenty of supplies?”

“Check.”

“Weapons?”

“Check.”

“Me joining you so that I can be assured of your continued health?”

Mel smiled and gave him a quick pat atop his head.

“X. I’ll be fine and I’ll try to find a way to send a raven to Leliana every so often.”

Dorian shook his head and stepped back.

“What do you people say? Dirth leshal?”

With laughter Mel shook her head and nudged Spirit. “Dareth shiral Dorian, dareth shiral.”

* * *

 

Mel rode at a gentle pace until Skyhold had disappeared behind the Frostbacks and the hard packed snow gave way to dirt trails and the winter bared woods of the Hinterlands. She passed few travelers and when she did she kept her head low and staff hidden.

The second day of her journey Mel awoke before first light but it wasn’t long after that she felt herself being followed. With a groan she pulled Spirit to a halt and twisted to look behind her.

“Alright then, I know you’ve followed me. Come on out!” After a moment of silence Cole and his horse appeared atop a small hill and made their way to join her side. Mel gave a disgruntled sigh. “Cole why didn’t you stay behind?”

“I had promised to help you. I want to help. You carry a burden greater than you know and I made a promise.”

Mel considered the boy-spirit silently.

“And it’s lonely at Skyhold. Soon everyone will move on, and no one will need me.”

“Alright but when we join up with Fenris try and stay out of his path.”

“Suffering, fire blistering, a thousand deaths couldn’t be worse than this, black fades to white, drained away forever.” Cole whispered frantically, his horse shifting in unease. “I want to help him, I’ve tried. Like with Solas.”

Mel flinched, she had only sought to only allow thoughts of saving her brothers soul to consume her but _he_ was always there, just beyond the edges of her thoughts. Mel struggled to push him back again, urging Spirit back into motion.

“Come along then Cole that is what I’m going to do. Help ease Fenris’ hurt.”

She heard the sounds of Cole’s horse following.

* * *

 

It wasn’t long before Mel and Cole approached a small seaside village where they were to meet Hawke and Fenris, if one could even call this place a village. No more than four structures could offer any semblance of safety from the outside elements but each had its own sense of home. Whether it was the line of fish over the fire or a well-tended garden, the bark of a dog and laughter of small children, Mel wasn’t sure but it pulled at her soul.

She smiled as the small group of human children and a couple of young Elvhen children bounded toward her and Cole. They reached out curious hands and ran them down her leather boots.

“Are you friends with the others?” One child asked with wide eyes.

“Have you brought stories to tell?” Came from another.

“What about sweets?” The smallest of the group called, one of the People, shoving her way to the front.

“If they did do you think they would give them up to a little nug like you?” One of the human boys said with authority.

“Of course! Can’t you see how pretty she is? Everyone knows the prettier you are the nicer you are. Which must be why _you_ are so awful!”

Mel felt the urge to laugh and correct the sweet girl’s assumption about such ideas, the two were now facing off, a clashing between two strong wills. Someday this little village won’t be able to contain the greatness Mel saw in their potential.

“Lethallan, if I had known I would encounter such wonderful younglings I would have come prepared. It brings me sadness to tell you that I did not bring any sweets. How about a ride about on Spirit here?”

The chants of yes brought a smile to Mel’s face, happiness eased into her shoulders.

“Alright but first we must ask permission from your families. I wouldn’t wish them to think I was kidnapping such lovely children.”

A moment later Mel and Cole were led into the central most cabin, and to her amusement and apparently that of Hawkes, several of the children immediately abandoned her side to climb onto the lap of Fenris. They ran fingers through his unusual pale hair and along the lyrium markings on his arm.

Mel could see the discomfort in his eyes yet admired this kindness in humoring the curious children. She didn’t miss the hand squeeze Hawke offered in silent comfort. After a shared nod in greeting and shrugging at the pointed look sent her way in regards to Cole hovering behind her, Mel joined them and several others at the table.

“Mel… Cole. This is Harriet, Marlon, and Emery. We were just negotiating the use of one of their fishing skiffs. The price is… more than we had planned.” Hawke said.

Mel quickly greeted each of the villagers.

The one named Emery, a middle aged man with hard blue eyes held a hand up.

“It’s not that we wish to take advantage of strangers seeking to use our only means of survival, but a security for our families. How are we to feed our children while you cross the Waking Sea? On top of that we would be left with four horses to stable until we can make a separate journey across with them. No- I’m sorry but the price stands.”

Mel listened to the elders reasoning, a twinge of guilt souring her good spirit and she ran a hand through her short hair.

“Must we take the sea rout?”

Fenris looked away with a scowl and Hawke gave another pointed look. Mel sighed, going by land would mean Orlais, Nevarra, and Tevinter.

“It seems we are with little choice. How much gold will you need to cover our journey?”

Harriet passed a folded parchment to Mel. Mel felt her stomach drop at the number. She hadn’t withdrawn a large amount of gold for this journey, eyebrows would have risen if she had so she had only taken a meager sum.

She handed the parchment back over to Harriet and again tousled her short hair, thinking.

“I can send a message, requesting more but…” She said with a look to Hawke.

“I will do the same to my brother.”

Mel nodded and looked toward Emery once more.

“We will need a day, perhaps two, before we have the sum in full. May we call upon your hospitality until then?”

The three villagers each exchanged looks and nods.

“Of course! Harriet’s husband makes the best fish cakes this side of the Waking Sea.”

* * *

 

“Now you must hold onto the saddle tightly, and don’t fear, I’ll hold onto you tight as I can, are you ready?” Mel instructed as she lifted the little Elvhen girl into the saddle with her. The other children gave shouts of “Me next!” following Spirit who took her two riders in a quick trot around the village. Mel kept her arm wrapped around the little body, the sounds of her laughter brought a sad serenity to Mel.

Later in the evening after all the children had had their turn riding Spirit, and everyone was now tucked away in the warm beds, Mel sat beside the fire, legs folded beneath her. Cole sat beside her, quietly staring into the fire, lost to his own thoughts while Hawke sat with Fenris at a table reading together.

Mel studied them with a smile, then her eyes moved to one of the children snoring softly in the arms of his mother. This is what she wanted. To make someone laugh with carefree will, to teach the ways of life. To answer their smiles with her own all while standing with the other half of her heart at her side.

If you had told her before the fall of Arlathan that she would want a husband and children she would have laughed for days. They had seemed like such silly wants to her. Why would one want to raise children or worry about keeping the love of some man when there was so much more out there?

Mel thought back to that life, to that girl she had once been. Even the thought of taking a lover had seemed too confining. No she had wanted become great, become powerful, but not for control. She just wanted to explore and discover lands that no other being had touched.

Now that she was alone, she had taken a hard look at herself. Turns out she wanted it all.

“You can’t stop thinking about it, about him, about _there_. You’re afraid- if you stop thinking then you’ll forget- like before but with more agony. You _can’t_ stop thinking. But soon you won’t be alone.” Cole said quietly, just for Mel to hear.

Mel continued to watch the dance of the flames.

“If I keep thinking then I’m going to become angry… “

“And you’re afraid it will turn into hate. Hate and love… there is no difference so long as you don’t forget. You must remember… _they_ will need you to remember.”

Mel nodded slowly. She supposed he was right, sometimes there was little difference.

“Who is they, Cole?” she finally looked towards him.

“Darkness and light, come together.” He answered cryptically.

Knowing she would likely never get a straight answer she said a soft goodnight and moved to her bedroll, ready for another sleepless night.

* * *

 

_The sea tumbled, roaring with fury and wind, and they called to him. He lifted his gaze from the waves to the hawk soaring over, the call it gave echoed faintly before fading. He watched it circle over him before gliding out over the waves._

_Solas closed his eyes, imagining where its path could lead. In his mind it flew over mountains and their valleys, went low over lakes, plains, and desert before a thick forest rose. A forest where his People stopped to watch its dive, watched it disappear into the branches._

_He wanted to warn the hawk, but it was out of his control, the forest now burned._

_“How about a ride about on Spirit here?”_

_The voice ripped at his soul and he opened his eyes. Before him sat Len’Melava on a horse, her long white hair falling around her shoulders, an expectant expression curved her lips. It was a familiar smile, one that pulled at him. Beyond her the fire raged, glowing closer._

_He wanted to tell the spirits to change, to stop shaping his desires, and his fears._

_“I don’t deserve their kindness… but I do deserve their punishment” He whispered._

_Len’Melava tilted her head._

_The fire grew closer to Len’Melava._

_“But I’ve waited so long…”_

_Shaking his head, Solas stepped back._

_“Emma lath, do not wait for me.” The thought pained him._

_She tossed her hair behind her with a light laugh, it ran through his blood, singing to him._

_“How could I possibly leave you behind? Silly old wolf.”_

_The fire began to surround them, panic rose in Solas and he knew he had to leave._

 

 

 

 

 


	13. The Vow

_I had never considered a life filled with calm, a simple life with peace. The fire of war burned within me much too bright to allow such wants. When the People were still young, when I was still young, our world was still wild, vast and grand. As the People grew older, our world grew smaller, more controlling and I fought against its binds with all my righteous fury._

_Those who fought with me rose to glory before my eyes and to my horror welcomed the worship gifted to them. They were blinded but proudly I was not. After centuries of strife, again I threw myself into the unyielding grasp of changing the world, changing the People, to my liking. Peace._

_A quiet life of peace never occurred to me for I only knew of one way._

_It took a young girl of the People with a name out of time to make me realize peace was even an option._

_It had been a quiet day around Skyhold, quiet outside of the usual cacophony of soldiers sparring, craftsmen forging weapons, and mages chanting. I myself had had a productive day of research on the crystal skull shards Len’Melava had found scattered about Ferelden. An exciting breakthrough, honestly I was surprised it had taken me so long to find the connection between the shards and the Solasan Temple in the Forbidden Oasis._

_The search for Len’Melava took some time as she was not in her usual favorite places, the battlements or the upper levels of the rotunda. No I found her in the garden with her hands working out roots and dirt dusting her forehead. I remember her hair pulled back into a simple braid and a serene look on her face, as if outside those walls the world wasn’t falling apart._

_I stood there a moment, in the shadows, and observed. She didn’t simply tear the weeds from the soil, she used her nimble fingers to loosen the packed soil, to dig around and ease the entire root system from its grasp and toss into a basket, perhaps to feed to livestock._

_After a moment I noticed her lips moving, following her glances, for the first time I noticed the small gathering of refugee children knelt beside her. Their eyes wide and curious, eagerly listening to all Len’Melava said. It was easy to see she was in her element, the twinkle in her green eyes and the humor curving her lips._

_I did not wish to interrupt, moments like this were few for the newly anointed Inquisitor and if I could give her a just a moment longer to enjoy the company of children to that of myself with my reminder that these were dark times then I would._

_It wasn’t to be however as a moment later she looked up and her green eyes found mine. At the time I told myself that I had imagined the way her eyes lit up at the sight at me, we had yet to admit any feelings. As I play the memory I can freely admit now, that perhaps I did not remind her of war and destruction. But then she did not truly know me, at no fault of her own._

_While I selfishly hid myself away I could not stop myself from denying her the same. I asked her about her wants, her needs, and the future she envisioned, the past she couldn’t remember and her answers always surprised me._

_“When this is over, when all of this… the Inquisition will restore peace and then it will no longer be needed. And I will no longer need the Inquisition…. So what do I plan for the future?” Her green eyes focused on some unseen point in the distance before a shine of wonder spread through them. “What do you see when you look at a map of Thedas Solas? I see a very small world. On a particularly trying day, I want nothing more than to settle down and grow a garden, raise a few rams perhaps, and rest. Then there are the triumphant days…. The days where nothing can stand in my way and I want to leave the edges of the known world behind… to follow the legends of inhospitable lands and cross unknown oceans. If I can’t know myself then I will discover which no one else has ever known.”_

_The passion in her voice flowed over me, changed me, and made me see the world through her eyes. And I wanted it too. Her vision of the future erased all thought of my guilt, of the penance the world would have to pay because of it. I began to envision a future where I went with her to discover._

_Now I know… This was world is barely held together and the fault is my own. In order to give Len’Melava the world she deserves I made the vow to destroy the old world completely._

_-Reflections from Solas as he gazed at a neglected garden._

 

* * *

 

 

 “Have I mentioned lately how much I despise travel by ship?” Fenris complained quietly.

Hawke glanced over with a small smile, taking in the vision he made with hands clenched on the rail before him, a dark scowl threatened any wave that dared to clash with the small vessel their party was packed into.

“The sea is narrow here, it won’t be much longer. The thick mist makes it seem endless however.” Hawke looked back toward the bow while Fenris continued to mutter his displeasure, another heavy wave rolled the ship roughly. “Seems as if you share something in common with our little Inquisitor.”

Fenris narrowed his eyes at her, clearly not appreciative of the mirth in his lover’s voice. He followed her gaze and near the bow of the ship a frail looking Len’Melava clutched the rail, her shoulders heaving. Once the moment had passed she slid down to rest on the slick boat deck, running her hands through her short black hair.

He wondered what he should feel toward her. Any sliver of soft emotion was difficult for him to hold onto, just when he became comfortable with someone, betrayal usually came around the next bend. Except for Cara.

Granted it had taken him a very long time to no longer live with the constant fear of Cara turning her back on him, to feel the familiar pain of betrayal. But this was different. This was a virtual stranger, dragging him across Thedas on some ridiculous fairytale of promises.

Though, Fenris couldn’t deny the way she looked at him. She looked at him as if he were some long lost hero and it made him incredibly uncomfortable.

“Shame, fear, the burning urge to run. Leave in the night and go home….” A wispy voice muttered from behind Fenris and Hawke causing both to turn away from the rather pathetic scene of Mel overcoming sickness to find the eerie boy balanced on a barrel. “You shouldn’t be freighted of her… you’re the last person in the entire world she would wish to hurt.”

Fenris felt more dislike ripple through him.

“Why did you come Fenris, if the Inquisitor causes such unwanted feelings?” Cole asked with wide blue eyes, innocent curiosity obvious.

His first instinct was to snarl at the, spirt, demon, whatever the boy was, telling him to stay out of his head and mind his own business, but the soft movement of Hawke’s hand tugging on his had him biting back the angry words so he settled for a glare.

When the boy continued to wait with his wide eyes partially obscured by shaggy hair Fenris gave in and looked back at Len’Melava who was once again back to heaving over the side of the ship. A pinch of concern had him wondering if she was alright.

 “She will be fine… someday.”

Fenris rolled his eyes while Hawke gave a light chuckle.

“I have my reasons. As you know from your damned digging in my head.” Fenris paused to flash a glare at Cole. “I’m humoring her because she was a slave once. Even if the rest of her absurd tale is dragon shit… that she was a slave I know to be true.”

“What makes you so certain of that?” Hawke asked as she studied Fenris with a small frown.

There was a long pause before he answered. A memory of him staring into a mirror, his reflection returning the stare before he shattered it with an angry fist.

“It’s in her eyes. Even when she didn’t remember… the eyes will never forget.”

“So… you’re allowing her to drag not only you but me as well across Thedas because she was a slave and…?” Hawke edged on with a sarcastic tone.

“He’s afraid to hope. Afraid that her story of the curse isn’t real… he doesn’t want to be… this. Anymore. For you, he wants to be whole again. Before the lyrium and suffering. And the Inquisitor is promising to give him that but what if… what if it isn’t true and he’s like this forever?” Cole whispered sadly before his eyes brightened. “You shouldn’t be afraid. The Inquisitor cares for you and we’ve seen what she can do when she cares.”

Fenris expression brought another smile to Hawke’s face as he so obviously was torn between anger and exasperation. She wrapped an arm around his waist and gave a light squeeze. “Hear that? Nothing to worry about, so long as you keep the grand Inquisitor’s favor.”

Rather than agree or not Fenris shrugged her away with a roll of his eyes and moved to check on his gear.

* * *

 

“Mel it’s been over a week since we left The Waking Sea behind… how can you still be recovering from sea sickness?” Hawke asked as she stood behind a once more heaving Inquisitor.

Once Mel had gained control over her shaking body again, she rested her hands on her knees and looked up through the hair that had managed to fall into her eyes at the trio waiting for her. Mel tried not to feel embarrassed at the attention but the truth was she was getting tired of always being weak and losing control.

“It might not be sea sickness. I’ve been sick since I gained my memories back. And truthfully I haven’t felt well in months. But I shall manage and I apologize for holding us up. I’m certain you would rather your journey was to home right now.”

The nod Hawke gave was almost forced causing Mel to frown in concern.

“Are you alright? Are you ill as well?”

Hawke’s face fell into a serious scowl and her eyes became cold. “You are correct that I would much rather be at home with my friends and family. But you promised Fenris something and I mean to see that you hold to that promise.”

At last Mel felt her body had regained enough strength, allowing her to stand straight once more. She met Hawke’s eyes with a sad smile, offense at Hawkes threat never occurring to her. “I am heartbroken at the fate that fell on my Shiral but somewhere inside me is relieved. Relieved that my brother, despite all the pain and suffering his spirit has endured these past two millennia, he found a warrior such as you. I always knew those silly maidens weren’t what he needed to be happy.”

Mel looked over her shoulder, toward the camp with Fenris sharpening his warriors’ blade, and Cole collecting leaves.

“My brother was not a warrior. He was fully committed, as was I, to learning about the Fade and all its mysteries. He was adventurous, don’t get me wrong, but he preferred to follow behind Mamae and ask questions. After we were… taken, he changed. Had to.”

Shaking her head Hawke gestured for Mel to lead the way back to the camp.

“A warrior he certainly is…” Hawke muttered, remembering her own adventures with Fenris.

After a moment of silence Mel looked over her shoulder.

“If we could, I’d like to check the maps. I need to find a village or town with a seamstress.”

Hawke flicked her eyes down the leather and cloth material Mel was clothed in.

“Did your clothing tear?”

Mel glanced down at herself and pulled on the waist of her breeches.

“I seem to have gained some. Must be the wondrous food Cole keeps making.”

Mel didn’t catch the frown on Hawke as she continued down the path back to their camp.

* * *

 

The next evening Mel led the others into a modest and quiet town. At first glance Mel could see a small scattering of tiny cottages surrounding what looked like a blacksmiths forge, a mill, and an impressive display of crops.

Mel stopped walking abruptly as something occurred to her.

“Where are the villagers?” she asked quietly, her eyes quickly searching for any sign of life. “Where are the children playing?”

She felt more than saw Fenris reach a hand slowly for the grip of his sword and she held a hand out for him to pause.

“Whatever is here, violence cannot be the first answer…” she whispered. Ignoring his muttered curse Mel took another step, listening and watching.

Quietly Cole said, “There is no one here Inquisitor.”

“That doesn’t make me feel any better about this…” the apprehension in Mel’s voice clear.

“We should continue our journey.” Fenris made to continue on the path. “We have already wasted enough time-“

Fenris was cut off by the sound of a quiet moan, sending the four back on high alert.

“There.” Cole said quietly, pointing towards the edge of the village.

A man, middle aged and clothed in rough spun clothing and leathers lay sprawled among the weeds and brush. Mel approached slowly, prepared to draw upon her magic if needed. It was easy to tell the man, a human, had been severely injured. His breath came in shallow gasps and his blue eyes were wild and vibrant against the blood covering his face.

Immediately Mel knelt at his side and began to draw energy to heal the injured stranger. There were sword wounds on each of his sides, wounds meant for a slow festering death. And an X carved deeply into the middle of the man’s forehead.

“Mel- do you think this wise?” Hawke questioned quietly.

The stranger’s eyes finally focused on Mel, fear and confusion burned brightly into her and Mel felt certain that this man needed their help.

“It’s what we do… remember Hawke? Besides I believe this entire village needs us?” Mel felt weakened from the simple healing spell she had been attempting to cast. Mel frowned and looked at the others. “Somethings wrong. I’m having trouble… I feel faint. I’ve never had a problem with this spell before.”

Cole joined her at her side and slowly took her hand in his.

“Cole we don’t have time for this- we need to help this man and then find out what happened to the villagers. Hawke will you help me heal him?”

Cole ignored Mel and moved her hand to rest low on her waist.

“You are weakened by your use of magic because you’re creating life within you. Light for the darkness to come. Never to be alone.”

Mel felt cold shock wave through her body.

“I’m sorry but- did you just say the Inquisitor is with- with child?” Hawke sputtered, her eyes locked on Cole’s hand.

Mel’s eyes focused on Cole’s, she was nearly ready to pray to whoever would be listening, that Cole would give any other reason for his odd behavior, but instead, he nodded.

Emotions warred through Mel, threatening to suck her into their pit of fear, anger, disbelief, and the small spark of wonder… but the gasping breath of the man beside her dragged her back to the present and she closed her eyes.

“I can’t think about this right now. Please Hawke, just help me save this man.” Her voice weary.

Without hesitation Hawke completed what Mel could not. Slowly the man’s wounds ceased their bleeding and Hawke was able to wrap the raw edges of skin with material handed to her by Fenris. As she quickly worked the man’s breathing calmed but his eyes remained frightened.

Mel rested a hand on his arm and leaned close to keep his attention.

“You’re safe with us. We have no wish to harm you. My name is Mel, and these are my friends. We were traveling and came across your village and found you injured. Cara here used a touch of magic to stop the bleeding and to heal you.”

“Where is the rest of your village? What happened here?” Hawke asked.

The man’s body began to tremble and he shook his head wildly, mumbling incomprehensible words.

“He was left behind, half a man and useless they called him. Let the wolves have him.” As if on cue the howl of a wolf rose after Cole’s words.

Mel looked at Cole in shock. “Are you saying they mutilated this man and left him for dead because he wouldn’t be of use to them?”

“Slavers…” Fenris growled, lifting his sword.

“We have to help them.” Mel whispered.

Hawke shook her head, “No absolutely not. Fenris, Cole and I have to help them but you… you are to stay here where it’s safe.”

Mel stood and scanned the surrounding area for signs of a trail, ignoring Hawke. “They seem to have gone north. We need to go. Now.”

“Mel do not pretend you didn’t hear me. This will be dangerous and you could-“

“You can’t keep me here Hawke! These people need my help and that’s what I’m going to do.”

Fenris stepped beside Hawke during Mel’s outbursts, his expression firmly closed off. “Can you fight with a sword? How about a dagger, bow and arrow? How about magic?” Mel turned her head away, frustrated and angry. “You cannot protect yourself or your unborn, and we cannot protect you when trying to save them. You will be forcing us to choose you over them.”

After a brief moment of silence Mel offered her hand to the still babbling man, helping him to his feet as best she could.

“You will not be alone with your emotions, with your thoughts Inquisitor. If you speak to them, they will listen.” Cole said.

Mel looked at Cole in curiosity, “Do you mean the stranger?”

But Cole didn’t reply, instead he turned to follow Hawke and Fenris into the forest in search of the slavers and their victims.

Mel sighed and led the man to a house and helped him to sit near a blackened fireplace. A moment later she used a small fire spell to light a fire, a slight lack of breath encouraged her to quickly seat herself on the floor, eyes locked on the dancing flames.

The man quieted to a low hum and occasionally ran his hands down his arms.

“I should be out there… with my friends, helping to bring your people home safe. If there was a god or gods, how cruel they must be.” Mel gave a mocking chuckle which led to a sob, a tear fell down her cheek.

“How am I supposed to do this? I- I didn’t want this,” Mel shook her head, “No, I suppose that is a lie. I did play with the idea of a family not long ago. Only in this idea I wasn’t alone and after I had seen what the world had to offer. A safe world, where the rights as mages and elvhen were restored. Now I can hardly light a fire without having to rest. How am I to lead us to a city that is now long destroyed, to find what’s left of my people, all to save a remnant of my brother. And now I’m left behind to worry over my friends.”

Mel looked over to her silent companion. His trembling had eased and his gaze calmed.

“You mustn’t tell anyone of any of this of course. I don’t wish anyone to know where I have gone. And now they mustn’t know of the child… my child. I’m a stupid fool! Do you have any idea how much danger this child will be in? I- I have enemies- and they will want to use her. Or him. Use her to get to me- because of who I am…”

Mel looked down at her waist and slowly rested a hand where soon she would show obvious signs of her condition. The grip of fear and panic began to recede and where replaced with a fierce protectiveness. A sheen of tears glassed her eyes and with a hoarse voice Mel made a vow.

“I loved your father, despite the fact that he left and broke my heart, I love him still. My memories which will someday fade- something I know well- but you… you I will have forever.”

* * *

 

Time seemed to have escaped the two huddled by the now low burning fire. With each flame that burned smaller Mel felt her anxiousness for her friend’s safety grow. She had been at war with her thoughts on whether she should follow them or stay put.

Every nerve in her body screamed at her that they were in trouble, and each time she would poise herself to stand the weakness if her limbs would remind her of her newly weakened state and she would sigh in frustration.

When Mel could stand it no more she stood and began to pace. When this did little to release her restlessness she made a decision.

“I’m going after them. You stay here, alright?” Mel said over her shoulder. The man made no indication that he had heard or understood so Mel left with no other word, a small dagger clutched in a tight fist, the carved wood smooth in her hand.

Mel had taken three steps into the forest where she had last seen Fenris and the others before she was stopped by the appearance of people. First there were children of all ages being carried, then were elderly and women and then the men. Mel counted twenty six filthy, exhausted individuals. Many had bleeding wounds, limps, and haunted eyes. The children particularly.

The villagers paid Mel no attention as they stepped past, wanting only to return to their homes to clean their wounds and try to rebuild their lives.

Mel waited in anticipation for her friends to appear, only breathing easy when they at last joined her side. Hawke gave her an exasperated and knowing look but none of them spoke despite the small gash on Fenris shoulder. The reason they had even come to the village in the first place had been long lost in the events of the day and rather than think on it the four left in the waning light.


	14. Memories of the Lost

_She is gone. I’m told she had left months before, answering a cry for help. The people are assured by the Nightingale that their Inquisitor is well and will return soon._

_This does little to relieve my worries for Len’Melava’s safety._

_I have thought little of anything besides how I must tell her the truth, and a thought has taken form. This world will end, however Len’Melava must be at my side. I must tell her._

_There are low rumblings of unrest to the east, talk of oppression. I believe it to be time I intervened on the behalf of change._

_Perhaps this will occupy my mind until she can be found._

_-Notes from Solas_

* * *

The crackle of the fire and the occasional scrape of a utensil on a tin cup was the only sound coming from the small camp. Mel halfheartedly ate her meal of hare and wild onion soup, Hawke looked to be forcing herself to eat. Cole seemed to have no need for large amounts of nourishment though he was always willing to cook for them. Fenris was the only one of the four who seemed to enjoy the meager meal.

Mel typically wouldn’t fuss over the pitiful food but when you’ve had it for nearly five straight months, the interest in eating wans. And for someone as very much with child as she was, that could be a problem.

She sat aside her uneaten portion and giving a great groan laid back flat on the ground to stare at the tree tops. The forest canopy was incredibly dense, completely shutting out any ray of sunlight, leaving the forest in an eternal state of twilight.

Mel gently ran a hand of her swollen waist, delighting in the feel of a light kick from within.

“What I wouldn’t give for a pastry. Or a cake. A whole cake, with freshly whipped icing. I would eat every crumb and die of happiness.” She said with a sigh.

To be greeted with silence had not become unusual. The four had spent a great deal of time together over the course of months, surrounded by thick trees, and conversation now seemed trivial when surrounded with danger around every tree. Mel tried not to dwell on the fact that they had made no progress in finding her lost home, nor any ancient Elvhen who might have survived these many eons.

However as the silence from her companions continued, the tension grew thick and Mel slowly, and a bit awkwardly rolled to sit up. She found Hawke and Fenris watching her with blank expressions. Cole stood and walked away, leaving Mel to sit in apprehension.

She knew what they were to say before Hawke even drew breath for the words.

Mel met Fenris eyes and began to panic. They couldn’t leave, she couldn’t leave… not yet.

“No- no… just no. We mustn’t give up yet!  We are close- so very close to freeing you of the curse.”

“Mel… it’s been over five months since we began to wander around this forest.” Hawke began.

Mel’s eyes flashed to Hawke. “I know! I know you feel as if we should have been done already. I thought so as well. And the fault is my own- I know that. My memory of this forest is of my childhood… from two thousand years ago! It’s changed a great deal and with none of the people to keep it in check, it seems to have grown a bit wilder than what I was expecting. Before I was taken a- a slave I had only ever left home once. Still, I believe we can do this! We can-“

“Mel, you are heavy with child and dangerously close to your time. Neither Fenris nor I know nothing of aiding a mother welcoming her child into the world. I doubt Cole knows either. We know how much you wanted to do this for Fenris but this is enough. The world has continued without us for long enough and soon you will need a healer. A proper one with experience with babies.”

Mel snapped her jaw closed and gave a stubborn tilt of her chin.

“You go whenever you like. I will continue to search and when I find Arlathan I will find you.”

After a brief moment of silence Fenris spoke quietly.

“Do not use my curse as an excuse to stay. Think on it. You have other obligations, Inquisitor.”

Mel was momentarily speechless with pain.

“Do not use your broken heart as an excuse to stay. For ultimately if you stay, we would too. That is hardly a fair price to pay for your pride.”

With their pieces said the lovers moved to where they would bed down, leaving Mel to lay next to the fire.

“I’m you’re sister before I’m their Inquisitor. A broken heart before a strong one.”

* * *

 

 

_Rocky cliffs slick with ocean spray and seaweed, the sound of birds chirping and cawing, the sea salt and sand in her hair, the cool breeze brushing her young cheeks._

Mel pushed herself up with a gasp, the salty taste of sea air still in her mouth. The sound of waves faded, replaced by the chittering sound of night time insects. Realization dawned on Mel as the dream faded but left behind the memory of her last day in Arlathan.

“The tunnel... it has to be there…” Mel whispered to herself. Looking around for the others to tell them of her memory only to find she was alone in the camp. Cole had probably wandered off to find a spirit, Hawke and Fenris to distance themselves from wanting to abandon their quest.

Mel looked down to her swollen waist and drew strength and resolve. She would do this alone. With a flickering torch in hand she set out north. Eventually she would find the Venification Sea and from there she hoped to find the tunnel.

The journey was long and difficult. Weaving through thick trees, climbing over fallen logs, trudging through swift rivers would have been arduous enough but with the added girth of pregnancy, keeping balance was a challenge.

Mel’s nights were restless, the sound of wild creatures for company, often with no fire, and little to eat. She began to question he hasty decision as she grew weaker and her child grew larger. Magic had become increasingly difficult for Mel. All Mel had left for herself, was her stubborn pride.

“If I were to be corrupted, I’m certain I would be a Pride Demon.” Mel muttered to herself, a light grunt following as she carefully used the limb of trees to aid her up a hill. She heaved a sigh of relief when she at last made it to the top of the hill she had hoped would give her a wide vantage point of the dark forest.

Rather than studying her surroundings, Mel took the moment to close her eyes and rest. A sheen of sweat covered her exposed skin, and her mouth felt parched. The movement from her child had her lightly rubbing her belly in slow circles.

A moment later Mel paused her movements and gave the air a light sniff. The sound of sea birds and the scent of salty air brought Mel nearly to her knees.

“I’m home.” She whispered with tears in her eyes.

It wasn’t long before she left the line of forest behind and her gaze stretched over the endless rolling waves. They were familiar and brought comfort to her aching heart.

After a long moment of falling back in love with her ocean Mel found the old trader path which followed the cost. Following the path was difficult with the struggle against overgrown trees and overgrowth but she managed. True to memory eventually she came to the same cliffs she once climbed with ease, Shiral at her side.

Climbing them was decidedly more difficult with her round addition and Mel uttered many a curse. In the end it was worth it for she made it to the top of the sea slick cliffs, drenched in sea spray and her own sweat, but there, just as she remembered was the tunnel from her life long ago.

By now the sun had set long ago forcing Mel to dig out the flints and fashion a small torch. With a deep breath Mel entered the tunnel and made her way down toward the lost city of her people.

She thought herself prepared for what she might find. She wasn’t. Where once crystal towers would have glittered against the light of her torch, there were towering trees blocking out the starlight. No longer were there lamp post lighting the neat brick roads, people did not walk among them, elders did not watch over the dreamers. Gardens were no longer the pride and joy of Arlathan, they had merged with the forest years ago.

There were no fishermen or weavers or musicians. There was not a single brick, pottery shard, nothing that said her people had once been here. Had once ruled their land with magic and power. The knowledge they had once wielded, gone forever.

Mel swallowed a sob and stumbled through the trees to where her home had once been. She fell to her knees on the spot where she had last seen her mother. A small bush of red flowers shrouded in shadows was all that remained. Just beyond the reach of the torch light is where her home would had once stood. In her mind she could picture its perfect roof and the windows which were always open and welcoming. Her mother’s garden in full bloom. Her brother studying with deep concentration.

Mel’s heart broke for the life stolen from them and her cries broke the silent forest.

It was nearly dawn before Mel fell into an exhausted slumber, the flowers at her head.

With her dream everything was as it should be. The sound of people waking and beginning their everyday tasks had begun to fill the air. There was the scent of baking bread, the sound of swords forging and young maiden laughter.

Mel had her map laid across her bed, studying the blank spaces on the edge, wondering when she would get to explore them. To fill in the emptiness.

“You’re as beautiful as I remember, my child.” Came the sweet voice of her mother.

Mel rolled her eyes and flashes a grin toward her mother.

“You just saw me the night before Mom… ae.” Mel trailed off as realization hit her, her grin disappeared and her breathing shortened, her hands held her stomach where she was very much with child. “This is a Dream.”

The spirit who had taken shape as her mother did not respond.

“Are you truly my mother or… or are you a spirit?”

The spirit faltered. “I’m afraid for I have forgotten. I know that you’re very dear to me.”

Mel sat on her bed and gazed out of her open window. The light was too bright, the color of the trees to vibrant.

“I should have stayed… that day, with you. I should have died with you and our people, with our city.”

“You survived because you are important. The children you carry are important. Their father needs you, needs them. He is lost and only the love from his family will be able to save him. Save us all.”

Mel was silent as the spirits words washed over her. Children.

“How is S-Solas in danger?”

“You did not come here for him. You came here for another. Your brother.”

“Yes. My brother’s soul has been punished for two thousand years. Each life he lives is filled with pain and betrayal. Just when happiness and love come into his life, it will be taken, he will die, and he will be reborn to live it again.”

“And you wish to free him.”

“I do. But I’m not strong enough. We need one of the people with old blood, with old power.”

The spirit moved across the room to join Mel at her side, lifting her hands she ran her fingers along Mel’s jaw, turning Mel to gaze into her bright green eyes, replicas of her own.

“You, Len’Melava _are_ of the old. You have walked through the forests for centuries, giving yourself to the Wolf.”

“This is true… but I’m not strong enough. Even before the… children, I was merely passable, and I always had help. The help and support of my friends. Now the children… they have pulled my power from me. Energy I give willingly no matter how weak I’ve become.”

The spirit gave a kind smile.

“Perhaps what you need are better tools. I see you have ancient magic bound to you from another source.”

Mel lifted her hand, the anchor flared to life.

“And something even far more old and power. Something your mother found deep within the Fade… perhaps there is something like this you know of?”

Mel’s mind raced, searching her memories. The flash of an ancient staff, hidden deep within the cave where she and Shiral had sought refuge from the Tevinters’.

“Perhaps with these tools, you can rescue your brother from his curse.”

Mel felt hope bloom within her chest, spreading to her fingertips.

“I think you might be right Mamae.”

Mel grew quiet and her gaze lost focus.

“Did you feel pain?”

“Come along with me.”

The spirit stood and led Mel from her room and then from the house. Mel’s eyes widened at the scene around her. Everywhere she looked her people went about their daily business, as if Arlathan hadn’t been swallowed by the dragons so long ago.

“This is not the Arlathan you remember, no, but it is still here. Your people still live on through their memories.”

Mel felt a yearning.

“After… after I’ve freed Shiral… can I come back here? Here with you Mamae?” It brought her comfort to call the spirit after her mother.

The spirit ran a finger down Mel’s cheek.

“I would dearly enjoy having you with me… but you must not come back here. You have an important quest ahead of you. And your children will need the strength of their mother, for her mind and body to be whole.”

A tear raced from the corner of Mel’s eye.

“It’s not fair,” she whispered. The people around her were happy, forever locked in a state of repeating their memories. Never experiencing new life.

“Every great civilization claws their way to the top and every civilization will fall.”

Mel remained silent for some time, drawing her time in Arlathan as long as she could. Under the sadness and anger she felt contentment.

“I never anticipated children. I never sought the attention of another. I wasn’t going to stay and raise children here. I knew Shiral had dreams for himself, to stay and be a part of the people. I, however, was going to leave our home and explore. To give names to mountains and rivers never charted before. But now… I want to stay. I’m at peace here.”

“Do not be fooled child.” There was an edge to the spirits voice. “It’s not always like this. There are terrible days too. Arlathan had stood for thousands of years before it fell. Plenty of opportunity for tragedy to grip her tight and invoke fear. You’re better off.”

“Inquisitor.”

Mel turned her head with a jerk to find Cole at her side and she came awake with a short gasp. Seated at her side was Cole, his pale eyes studying her.

“I will return with your mother’s staff. I advise that you remain here to rest. I’ve made fish soup. You will need your rest for when the others join us.”

“Cole, how long have I been…”

“I joined you at first light and now the stars are rising.”

“I- I see.” Though she had been asleep for nearly a full day she felt even more exhausted, all she could do was lay curled on her side and watch as Cole stood. “Thank you Cole… for following me.”

And then he was gone. She knew he had delved into her memories to find. And she was thankful. The sadness and anger remained but the contentment was gone, replaced with fear.

* * *

 

By the next midday Mel had been joined once more by Cole, this time with the staff her mother had thrust into her hands amid the screams of both people and dragons. The materials were an unfamiliar black wood, the crystal held in by twisting black vines glowed an eerie green.

“Mythal,” she whispered as she cradled the staff in her lap, tracing the intricate carvings in the wood.

“That’s a fine staff you found Inquisitor.”

Mel looked up and gave Hawke a soft relieved smile, watching as she and Fenris entered the clearing.

“You came…”

“Yes well the trail you left behind was much like that of a lumbering Qunari.”

Mel answered Hawke’s jest with a nervous laugh.

“All for your benefit naturally.”

She studied the couple as they sat comfortable on a log after disarming themselves.

“So this is the lost Arlathan hmm?”

Mel’s gaze flicked to where the tallest tower had once been, now in its place there was only the dark green canopy of forest.

“It remains. Only now it lives on through the memories of spirits In the Fade.”

“This must be difficult for you.” Hawke said quietly. Her eyes tinged with pity.

“How do you feel Fenris, being here?” Mel turned her attention to the white haired warrior. He had been silent and watchful as always.

“My feelings are not pleasant. Have you come across others?”

Mel shook her head, her eyes sad.

“I have not. If there were survivors they fled long ago and now the people avoid this land.”

“Then… the purpose of this journey was to find someone with the power to break the curse on Fenris- you’re telling me that it has been for nothing?” Hawke said with a steely voice.

“Finding someone from before the fall was the hope but you see… we’ve had someone all along. Me.”

After a pause Hawke shook her head.

“I mean no offense Inquisitor but you are in no condition to weave such a spell.”

“Left to my own strength you would be correct. But I have not only my own ancient power, I have that of the anchor, and this.” She ran a hand down the length of the smooth black wood. “My mother found this, she had called it the staff of Mythal, in the Fade. My mother had a talent for coming from a long journey in the Fade with more than she went in with. This staff… Shiral and I… many scrolls and artifacts.

I will begin my meditation, by nightfall, we will begin. I- I long for the walls of Skyhold.”

Not another word was spoken for the remainder of the day. Mel remained in her spot, eyes closed and unmoving, her mind empty.

She allowed the darkness behind her eyes to drain away, pushed by an empty bright.

When the sun had set Mel at last stood and motioned for Fenris to stand before her. He exchanged a long look with Hawke then joined Mel, his gaze locked in hers.

“Calm your fear Champion, it brings darkness. For this we must have light.” Cole said for only her ears.

Mel stood with her shoulders back, her lips murmured words of healing, words of freedom. There was a stir in the leaves above them. The brush of rising wind caressed her cheeks. Mel felt the tug of energy, she needed more.

It was becoming difficult to stand as the spell drew power from her, her knees weakened. With a small cry she raised the Staff of Mythal in her left hand and brought it down with a heavy swing, the blade embedding in the dirt.

The anchor flared to life, the green crystal in the staff glowed and a light vibration shook Mel’s arms. Her breathing grew ragged and became a pant, but she never broke her gaze from Fenris’. The swirl of wind tightened and the brush of leaves pulled with the tails of her robe.

A sharp pain spread from Mel’s abdomen around to her lower back, nearly breaking her concentration, and she fought to ignore it. She knew she was close, she could see it now. A dark figure stepped from Fenris, closed the space between it and Mel.

Mel called for the light within, though her words were silent, she felt as if she were screaming them. The darkness shrouding the apparition melted away and left behind her brother. Her Uth’Shiral.

Mel felt her heart skip. His eyes shined with a teasing humor and love, his lips pulled into a slight smile. But the dark chains which bound Shiral were still visible. He needed more. There was something holding back her full potential. Something holding the chains fast.

Mel’s eyes shined with tears and with a choked voice she begged.

“Forgive me Shiral… This is not what I wanted for you. I should have come back for you- should have been stronger.”

“It’s not my forgiveness you need Len’Melava. I need _you_ to forgive me.”

Mel looked at Shiral in shock.

“I need you to forgive me for- for everything- letting the Tevinters take you into slavery, for not saving you from their torture. For leaving you alone-“

“Shiral- brother, you are my heart and you always will be. I forgot you, my memories melted away from me and left me empty.” Mel felt a weight lifting from within, and she reached toward her brother with her free hand, still struggling to stand “If forgiveness is what you need then you have it. I forgive you for all the suffering, I forgive the Tevinter’s for their cruel greed, I forgive…” She felt a warm sensation travel from her hand and up her arm as the form of her brother grasped her outstretched hand, giving her strength. “I forgive Fen’Haral for consuming who I was, and I forgive Solas. I forgive him for leaving when I desperately needed him to stay...”

The twisting wind seemed to shatter and the bonds around Shiral splintered with it. Mel fell to her knees, still grasping her brother’s hand. In a moment that seemed frozen he looked down at her with his familiar green eyes, messy black hair, and cocky grin.

And then he was gone.

Once Mel’s mind realized this her gaze focused on Fenris. Just as she was, he was on his knees, breathing deep ragged breaths and eyes locked on hers. Hair still white, lyrium markings still burned into his body. Only his eyes were different. They were free of shadows and anger but now held pity.

Swallowing a breath he shook his head.

“I’m not your brother.”

Tears sprang to her eyes and she squeezed them shut, against the pain in her heart.

“No… you’re not. You’re Fenris and you are free to live peacefully. You will have the love of family and friends. And when you die it will be with calm and you will not endure another painful life after this one.”

As the moment passed, the ache in Mel’s back came back in full force, radiating through her limbs. Her fingers ached as she pried them from the staff in order to clutch her swollen abdomen, a moan of pain escaping her lips.

“Len’Melava… what’s wrong?”

Mel barely heard the rustle as Fenris quickly joined her side.

Mel concentrated on breathing through the wave of pain and pressure until it faded enough for her to open her eyes. She found Cole and Hawke had joined them.

“I- I think it’s the children- they’re coming.”

Hawke turned wide eyes between the other three in different turns.

“Did you say children… as in more than one?”

A warm dizziness spread across Mel and she slowly slumped to her side, her eyes rolled back and she lay still as death.

 


	15. Child of the Lost Time

Child of the Lost Time

Two Years Later

_Da took care with each step down the rocky path, a path he had come to know quite well. I always marveled at his steady strength and unwavering stability, the gently sway of my body relaxed me until there was only me, and the gentle breeze rustling my hair._

_The path had long ago been abandoned by traders and travelers, with only the occasional hunter to make use of it. The journey was always brief and peaceful, scarcely a half days ride from home._

_When Frostback Mountains gave way to forests, the rocky path became narrow and overgrown, crumbled elvhen arches and walls dotted a meadow tucked away in the valley._

_With a gentle signal from my knees, Da came to a stop, allowing me to dismount. I then led him into the ancient ruins. We walked down hallways where my people once carried out their ordinary tasks. We stopped in a garden, long ago grown over with vines and trees. A stream weaved a path till it joined with a small pool, where fish made their home. Statues of halla still stood proudly, the weave of vines giving them an air of forgotten wildness._

_In my past visits I had hung a simple tent using a modest tree and one of the more sturdy garden walls. Near it I had fashioned a small fire ring, and a shelter of roped branches for Da in the event of a storm._

_Unpacking was a simple task as I had only brought the essentials and I spent the next three days in blissfully quiet solitude._

_I fished with a pole made from one of the garden trees, I read books about astrariums and mapping the stars. I had even decided to try my hand at drawing._

_With my parchment spread across a makeshift table, a stump I had labored over during one of my earlier visits, several discarded paper wads rested at my feet and I sat still, my eyes searching the ancient garden for inspiration. I had already attempted to draw the halla statues but as someone new to the skill, the attempts had been terrible._

_Perhaps something simpler, like the entry way, the way it arches and crumbles at the same time, I felt it would make a meaningful drawing._

_As things continue on, reaching upward, they fall. Waiting until either they turn to dust or are rebuilt, once again reaching for the sky._

_With determination I set my thin coal pencil to the parchment. In the beginning my lines were precise and planned yet as my hand moved the lines flowed together-_

_I had been flicking my gaze between my parchment and my muse when I noticed a movement in the shadow._

_Blinking I waited for the movement again, certain I had seen… something. It happened again and this time I could make out the shape of a wolf. Even from the distance I could make out the sadness in its grey eyes-_

Mel awoke with a jolt, letting out a low groan. It took her but a moment to realize that she had fallen asleep at her desk and when she sat up, a small letter stuck to her cheek. She peeled it off, stretched her neck and rolled her shoulders.

“Inquisitor? I do hope I’m not disturbing you.” Josephine announced her presence with her cheery and energetic accent and a brisk knock.

Mel, not wishing anyone to know she had been drooling when she had been meant to be pouring over scout messages, quickly brushed her cheeks in order to check for an unwanted remnants of her nap, and straightened her work.

She cleared her throat and sat up straight.

“Come on in Josephine.”

Josephine swept in gracefully, the perfect picture of diplomat with her fine clothing and not a hair out of place.

“I wanted a moment to go over last minute preparations for our journey to Val Roreaux.” She said, getting straight to the point.

Mel held back a sigh and readied herself for the headache she knew she would be suffering from soon.

“Certainly Josephine, but this is the last time.”

Josephine smiled with a nod.

“Of course Inquisitor.”

When Mel had finally satisfied Josephine that every detail of their journey and the subsequent council hearing were well prepared for, she left her study and made her way to the garden. As per usual Skyhold had many guests strolling the paths and conversing amongst each other and she was sure to greet each of them as she encountered them.

Many of them were making their way to the great hall for the departing feast as the Val Royeaux journey began in the early hours of the next day. Josephine felt it was a grand way for the Inquisition and its guests to send them off on possibly the most important meeting of its history.

However, these diplomats, nobles, and traders were not who Mel had ventured out into the garden to see. She strolled through the corridor to a spot near the gazebo and leaned her arms across the stone rail, watching with a small smile.

Dagna was seated in the gazebo and with her sat eight wide eyed children of vary ages, races, and advantages in birth. All were watching her with attentive rapture as she told the story of Strovacker the bear.

Mel’s eyes were draw instantly to two of the smaller children. They had chubby cheeks, messy black hair and startling blue eyes. A girl and a boy, well over a year old. Each sat in the lap of one of the older children. The twins clapped and laughed along with the others, too young to understand but happy all the same to be included in the fun.

Mel’s hands clenched against the shaking that overcame her every time she was near her children. She ignored the now near constant pain the anchor caused, radiating through her arm.

To the rest of the world they were not hers, she had not carried them, had not fought to bring them into the world with life running through their veins.

Mel remembered her quest to free Fenris from his curse, she remembered after months of searching she had at last succeeded, and she remembered awaking to terrible pain when the ritual had taken too much from her.

_“Mel- you need to wake up! The little ones need their mother to wake up and help welcome them into the world- Mel please!”_

It had been a difficult time, filled with an aching body, hot sweat, and incoherent words. All Mel had known was that she needed Solas, and he wasn’t there.

When she had finally stumbled from the fog, a week had passed. She awoke to find herself laying on a litter being pulled behind Cole. Hawke and Fenris each carried an infant in their arms. The travelers had made camp immediately and her friends watched as she held her children and wept.

She wept for the terrible life she had brought them into, a life where they had no father and having her as their mother put their life in danger.

Mel had considered asking the good people of the village they had liberated if they might take in the infants as orphans and raised them as their own, but as soon as she had had the thought, she quickly purged it from her mind as it made her feel sick.

No she could not abandon them and yet she could not name them as her own.

Instead she brought them back to Skyhold where she gave a half true backstory of a raided village and watched them grow from afar. She quickly found the pain of being near them was suffocating but bearable in that the alternative would be impossible.

Lilliana along with Cole, Hawke, Fenris, and eventually Cullen were the only souls to know their true parentage, and Lilliana had kept a close listen for any whispers about the children. Now that Lilliana had become the Divine, Cullen had temporarily taken on the Spymasters duties. There had been some stirrings in the early weeks after their return to Skyhold but Mel had remained strong and so long as she didn’t show them copious amounts of attention, the whispers stayed silent.

The sun sank below the garden walls, signaling Dagna that it was time for everyone to make their way to the hold for dinner. Mel smiled as all of the children gave light cheers and skipped away from the gazebo, her children holding hands and toddling behind, Dagna holding her hands out should they lose balance on the stone path.

Mel quickly brushed away a tear and fought for the composure she would need in order to put on a smile for her guests and her advisors.

* * *

 

The reunion with Mel and her friends was bittersweet. It was the only moment of the entire journey that she had actually been looking forward to. And everyone fell back into their old habits of good natured ribbing and bartering for favors in games of wicked grace. It felt wonderful to hear stories of what everyone had been doing since their last adventures together.

It helped Mel to forget the true nature of the exalted council.

The council had hardly begun and already Mel was weary from the constant back and forth with Ferelden’s accusations and Orlais’ not so subtle hints that they would gladly offer its protection- with a price.

When the messenger from Lilliana arrived with an excuse for Mel to duck out of the council, she took it and without guilt for leaving Josephine to deal with the fall out. It was what the diplomat had trained her entire life for after all.

Mel quickly met Lilliana at one of the smaller outbuildings in the Winter Palace, curiosity causing her heart to beat quickly.

“Inquisitor, I thought you might want to see this…” Leliana said once Mel arrived in the doorway.

Mel’s eyes widened and her breath caught in the chest. Slumped against the wall was a very dead Qunari.

“A Qunari warrior in full armor. How did he get into the Winter Palace?”

“Are- are those wounds caused by magic as well as a blade?”

Leliana nodded.

“It would seem so. How would he have gotten here- the Winter Palace- before he died?”

“We need to know more. Do you suppose Josephine can manage the council while I investigate?” Mel felt her need for answers scratching at the back of her mind.

“She will be fine. We should prepare ourselves for battle in the meantime.”

Mel met Leliana’s piercing stare, finding it a bit unsettling at just how the Divine’s eyes gleamed at the thought of a bow in her hands once more.

The Qunari warrior had been kind enough to leave a well displayed path of blood, leading Mel to an active eluvian. The discovery caused no small amount of speculation and excitement with the Divine who had it moved to a more secure location while Mel prepared herself to enter to the crossroads.

Relieved to change out of her Inquisition finery and into her light elvhen chainmail, secure her mother’s staff across her back and asked Cassandra to join her, Mel was ready for her first adventure in months.

* * *

 

“The crossroads…” Mel whispered once she and Cassandra had passed through the eluvian. “I’d nearly forgotten how breathtaking it was.”

Casandra lifted a brow.

“You’ve been here before?”

“Morrigan.” She replied simply and began to follow the Qunari blood trail.

The trail led them to another nearby eluvian.

“Elvhen ruins. But where?” Mel whispered once her eyes adjusted to the dim torchlight. In the distance she could see sunlight entering an entry way and she quickly led the way into the light.

Mel gasped and she stumbled forward to catch herself on the stone railing of the tower she and Casandra stood on.

“Is something the matter Inquisitor?” Casandra asked with worry in her voice.

Mel licked her lips and swallowed thickly.

“I- I’m not sure but this place is so familiar to me.” The tower the two stood on overlooked a crater of green forests and hills. In the center rested a glittering lake and an elvhen castle built of solid grey stone.

In the distance there was a magic explosion from the castle in the center of the crater. The magic flowing from the anchor flared, causing Mel’s arm to feel as if she were on fire and she moaned in pain.

“The anchor is spreading again? Have you told anyone?”

Mel stared at her glowing had as the pain slowly abated to its normal radiating ache.

“Of course not Seeker. There is nothing to be done. The only one who knew anything about this damn thing is- well not here anymore. Come on, we need to get to the castle- find out just where we are.”

“Agreed. But this conversation isn’t over with.”

Mel sighed in frustration for she knew the truth. The anchor was once again killing her slowly.

The search for a path to the castle led Mel and Cassandra to another tower, this one with a message.

 _“Fen’Harel bids you welcome. Rest, knowing the Dread Wolf guards you and his people guard this valley. In this place, you are free. In trusting us, you will never be bound again…”_ Mel repeated to Cassandra in a whisper.

Her own life as a slave flashed through her memory, her Shiral, the prayers of slaves to the Rebel God.

“Fen’Harel… did you truly hear our prayers? But this place… this sanctuary is so much older than the Imperium. How long have you been listening?”

“Perhaps we should continue, Inquisitor.” Cassandra urged Mel from her daze.

Mel was feeling overwhelmed and mystified.

The path of Qunari bodies led the way to more towers and more messages, each revealing more about the mysterious place. Each blooming hope that Mel was indeed not mad, that she had walked these hills and forests with Fen’Harel. But she kept her hope to herself.

She didn’t want to believe in gods but she wanted to believe in the Wolf.

At last Cassandra and Mel made it to the castle where they were thrust into a battle with a few remaining Qunari soldiers. Exploring the main rooms revealed a Qunari plot to destroy the agents of Fen’Harel. Though neither understand the Qunari motivations they leave the ancient sanctuary in order to find more answers in the crossroads.

Mel had not felt nearly so alive in a very long time. Her heart ran with the thrill of having so much to explore and discover. The Qunari operation lead to an abandoned lyrium mine in the Deeproads, which revealed more details of a terrorist attempt on the Winter Palace.

If it weren’t for the Inquisition’s spy discovering the shipment of explosives, Mel was certain the Qunari would have succeeded. Mel left the guilty Orlais servant in the custody of her Inquisition guards and the angry council diplomats with Josephine and continued her quest through the crossroads.

Information found in the mines’ led Mel and Cassandra into one of the most spectacular places Mel had ever seen.

“This looks like an incredibly old library… and it looks shattered!” Mel said with excitement and began to peruse the countless books. It took her but a moment to realize something important. “Casandra… this isn’t just any library. This is a library of memories…”

A moment of exploration later and Mel came across a spirt who revealed that she had been correct, describing it as the living knowledge of the empire. Mel knew her mother had contributed to the wealth of knowledge of the people greatly but it must have been well before the library had shattered into pieces.

When their exploration of the library revealed more spirits Mel learned that the ones who had been trapped in the library during its destruction, they had blamed Fen’Harel.

“What did you do Dread Wolf…” Mel wondered with a crushed feeling. Mel had questions raging through her mind, especially when she was accused by the Viddassala once again of being an agent of Fen’Harel but at last she knew why the Qunari were on the brink of war with the south. Their use of magic was a threat and the Qunari sought to save them from themselves by murdering them.

Mel and Cassandra fought the Qunari. Faught and questioned. Their leader at last revealed what she knew, accusing Solas for the rise of Corypheus and putting all they knew in mortal danger and manipulated Mel and the Inquisition into opposing the Qun.

Her mind reverberating with numbing shock, Mel hardly cried out as the anchor released painful magic through her body. The only words that Mel could make out was the Qunari leaders parting promise that Solas would die before the anchor could kill her, and she could only watch in silence as Viddassala departed through an eluvian.

In that moment Mel no longer cared about keeping her secret from Casandra.

“I want to go home, Cassandra… I want to live and see my children. I want to hold them and tell them that their father isn’t a monster. Solas… wouldn’t truly have given Corypheus the key to entering the fade… not willingly.”

If Casandra was shocked by her reveal or the events with Viddassala she did not let it on. Instead she held a hand toward Mel which she accepted, allowing the Seeker to help her to her feet.

“Come. Let us finish this and then we will find Solas.”

Mel nodded, her chest feeling empty, and they followed Viddassala through the eluvian, and into another Elvhen ruin.

Mel stumbled back as she came face to face with a Qunari warrior, forever frozen in battle, turned to stone. A slow glance around revealed dozens of warriors, all turned to stone.

“I’ll wait here in case more arrive.” Cassandra said quietly.

Nodding, Mel carefully walked through the stone army, following the voice of Viddassala and one other that was still too far away to make out. She broke out into a sprint, following the voices.

At the top of a stone staircase Mel tried to cry out but her voice was too hoarse. Viddassala raised her spear and with the cry of a warrior raced toward a figure that could only ever be Solas, who had his back toward the Qunari leader.

To Mel’s shock, Viddassala turned instantly to stone. Her heart beat wildly, joy echoing through her.

“Solas.” She whispered, hope in her voice.

Solas paused in mid-step, and slowly turned to face Mel.

At that moment the anchor flared, the burning pain bringing Mel to her knees with a cry of anguish.

She didn’t see the glow in his eyes before the anchor slowly stabilized once more.

“That should give us more time. Your hair… you look just as you did before- well before.” Solas paused to clear his throat. “I suspect you have questions.” He said, his voice soothing over her.

Mel slowly came back to her feet, resisting the need to run to him.

“More questions than you can possibly know. But I’ll start with how did you stop the anchor?”

Solas braced his arms behind his back, sadness dulled the grey of his eyes.

“The same way as when I stopped it from killing you in Haven… only I am stronger now. The mark you bear was bestowed upon you by the Orb of Fen’Harel. My orb.”

Mel felt the air leave her lungs as her mind raced to comprehend.

“You’re Fen’Harel. You were- you led me to your- your sanctuary. And-“ Mel couldn’t keep the hurt from her voice any longer. “You took my memories. You left me with nothing, not even myself-“

Solas looked away from the pain in her eyes.

“Over the many millennia of my life I have changed forms. Much like Morrigan can take the form of other creatures. Fen’Harel came after Solas. I took the insult with pride. The Dread Wolf inspired hope in my friends and fear in my enemies.”

“But why me? Why my memories?”

“During my journeys of the Fade I have learned many stories, discovered and lived the memories of countless lives. In this journey I learned of a woman who gave birth to children of the Fade. And I learned of their fate after Tevinter destroyed their home. I was drawn to them and when I found you… I could not help it- you had so much to give and you gave it willingly. I hungered for your memories and your love. It had been so long since I had felt the love of another.

And then I slept. Waking years later. When I first saw you in Haven, I did not recognize you. Call it the failure of an old man’s mind.  All I knew was that the Fade had accepted you, returned you with my mark. And that I was still drawn to you.”

Solas paused, closing his eyes in shame.

“And now you know… What is the old Dalish curse? “May the Dread Wolf take you.””

His words devastated Mel, more than the mark ever had.

“And so you did. You took my memories, body, and soul…”

Mel felt the anger behind the grief in her words.

“I would not lay with you under false pretenses, Len’Melava.” Solas said with urgency, guilty grey eyes begging her to understand.

“I loved you Solas! Even then. If you had just told me… Did you really think I wouldn’t have understood?”

Solas looked away.

“Ir abelas vhenan… I didn’t want you to carry the same burden as I do.”

Mel’s green eyes glowed as her anger became stronger and she took a step toward Solas.

“Then tell me… why did you give Corypheus your orb? And you called me a child of the fade… what does that mean?”

Solas turned away.

“I can only surmise that the fade created you and your brother… for what purpose I know not. As for Corypheus… I wanted to free our people from slavery to would –be gods. I broke the chains of all who wished to join me. That is when the false gods began to call me Fen’Harel. Then they went too far when they slay Mythal. I created the veil and banished them forever… I freed our people.” Solas met Mel’s gaze once more. “And destroyed their world.”

Mel thought back to the shattered library.

“The Fade… our lives relied on the Fade. It wasn’t the arrival of humans that changed us…” Mel’s eyes widened. “It was the veil.”

“No Len’Melava. It was me. The veil took everything from our people, it was because of me.”

Mel couldn’t stand the pain and guilt in his voice, in his eyes. The proud lift of his shoulders had slumped into a haggard display of a man weighed down by a world of terrible decisions.

“What of our future Solas? What were you trying to do when this all started?”

“When I woke, just a year before the Conclave, I woke to find a world, a people which I no longer recognized. Our people paid the price for what I did to punish the Euvanaris… but there is still hope.”

Mel followed his slow walk towards the eluvian at the end of the path.

“I will save the Elvhen people, even if it means this world must die.”

Shock caused Mel to stop walking.

“I don’t understand… why?”

Solas slowly shook his head.

“You would only try to stop me. I am not Corypheus and I take no joy in this. But the return of my people means the end of everyone else. I would not ask for your aid and I would not ask you to stop me, but I alone must carry this burden. You should return to your Inquisition and enjoy the relative peace you have fought so hard for.”

Mel turned her gaze toward the sanctuary Solas had built for slave refugees. Remembering the paintings of him removing their vallasline. Remembering the night he removed her own.

“How did Corypheus come to have your orb Solas?”

“He was meant to die unlocking the orb because I was still too weak to release its power on my own. In my impatience to restore our people… my plans were thrown into chaos. The fade accepted you, and you became the anchor. The worlds hope for stopping him. If he had died then I would have claimed the orb, entered the fade, and torn down the veil. As this world burned in the raw chaos, I would have restored the world of my time… the time of the Elves.”

“And the false gods? They would be free and I don’t imagine life would be any better for yourself or anyone…”

For a brief moment his eyes shinned with amusement.

“I had plans.”

Mel had no words at this point. Her thoughts were on two little innocents back at Skyhold.

“At first I couldn’t truly see anyone- I only saw what they could have been. You showed me a different way… but it does not make what I must do any easier.”

“And the Inquisition? I’m to just go back to it and wait for you to decide to destroy us?”

Solas met her angry gaze and evaded her question.

“Do you know how I discovered the Qunari plot, a plot I then led to you? The Qunari spies in your Inquisition tripped over my spies in the Inquisition.”

“Why did you bother if- if you will simply end us all anyways?”

“I care for you- and would see you unharmed. For so long as I can.”

Mel was exhausted both mentally and physically.

“Solas… you cannot do this to yourself… to us. You would truly sacrifice-” She could not bring herself to finish the thought much less say it aloud.

Mel took a deep breath for strength, holding onto her grief and turning it into anger.

“How terrible a person I must be to the rest of the world, for I still love you. I know now that you will not turn from your path for you are too filled with guilt and shame… to see me. To see the life we could have.  All that you see is what your decisions have wrought, never stopping to think that while you may have freed the people from the false gods- it was not your right to force it upon them. You took that right from them.

And here you are… once more blind to what true freedom is. The people have endured Solas. Because that is what we do. We endure and we change. We let go of fragments of our past and hold onto others. Our people may no longer have immortality or walk the fade at will, but we have become a part of civilization as a whole. We fell to the lowest branch of the tree when the rest of the world moved into our home. But we are building ourselves once more… without your interference.

I’m going to say something now Solas which I’m afraid you already know. This is because of your pride… just as it always has been. The false gods demonized you to the people, and when you banished them, the people held onto that.” Mel gestured toward the castle. “They let go of all that you did for them and instead paid tribute to those you despised. But you still see them as weak and simple and the world will pay the price for your hurt pride. I will pay the price.” Mel stopped her rant short and closed her eyes.

“I’m going to go back to the Winter Palace. I’m going to disband the Inquisition and return to Skyhold. I strongly suggest you follow me. Otherwise your spies will inform you of what happens next. But these spies of yours, they don’t know all of my secrets. And they never shall.”

Mel wanted to turn and walk away but the anchor came back to life, bringing more uncontrollable pain.

Solas took a step toward her. He could not speak about just how true were her words.

“We are running out of time. The mark is killing you Len’Melava. Drawing you here will allow me to save you.”

“At least for now.” Mel bit out with pain, she felt desperation beginning to claw at her. “Solas, var lath var suledin. There is another way. We just need to find it.”

 “Vhenan...”

Mel cried out again and causing a jolt to run through Solas and he knelt at her side.

Solas knew what he must do now would cause her more pain then he could bear to see.

“My love.” He whispered. “Take my hand.”

Mel couldn’t refuse and closed her pain glazed eyes as she slipped her glowing hand into his. His cool skin soothed her heated, energy saturated hand. Drawing her closer his free hand slipped into her hair. She breathed him in deeply, heart singing while his lips met hers. A moment she had waited for, for far too long. She did not notice the pain leaving her arm for she felt it through her entire body.

All too soon he pulled away, unable to meet her gaze.

“I will never forget you.” He said quietly and turned to leave.

“Solas… this will be the last time you leave me. Just once, it should be the other way.”

Her words caused him a brief pause but then he continued to walk away, leaving Mel behind with a heart full of angry determination.

Casandra only offered a curious look at Mel’s missing arm when she joined her for the long trek back to the Winter Palace.

“He graciously removed the anchor.”

* * *

 

In the days to come Solas learned that Len’Melava held true to her word. She called for the immediate disbanding of the Inquisition before returning to Skyhold. And then during the chaos of soldiers and mages abandoning the keep, she disappeared.

And her words tore at him. He longed to follow her, to ask her forgiveness for all the pain he had caused the world, had caused her. A forgiveness he was certain he did not deserve to even beg for.

This did not stop him from searching for her. He told himself that he did it for her, in order to keep her safe. But in his heart he knew he had doubts.

When he arrived in Skyhold, there were very few remnants of the Inquisition.

“Hello old friend.” Solas said quietly, standing in the entry way of the hall.  Only he held the memories of Tarasyl'an Te'las. Skyhold had always been important for him. And when he had led Len’Melava here, he had meant for it to become her home. A place where she was safe and comfortable for the rest of her life.

 “You won’t find her here.”

Solas nodded at Commander Cullen’s words coming from behind him.

“Without her here to hold everyone together, it meant the end for the Inquisition.” Solas replied as Cullen moved to stand in front of him. “Commander.” He said with a respectful nod.

Cullen adjusted a small traveling pack slung across his shoulder.

“Not any longer. Along with the Inquisitor, I’ve retired.”

Solas had already known this but he held it to himself.

“Does she travel alone?”

Cullen hesitated for a long pause, studying the man before him. The armor Solas wore was certainly befitting someone of infinite power and wisdom. And his eyes held a sadness that could only come from ages of pain and guilt.

Not for a moment did Cullen believe Solas deserved honesty in his information about Mel. But she did.

“No, she is not alone.”

Solas looked relieved.

“That is good. She has been alone for far too long.”

“Are you going to ask me where she has gone?”

“Would you tell me if I did?”

Cullen offered a small smile.

“No, I would not. Will you search for her?”

Solas considered the questioned.

“She deserves to be searched for but more than that she deserves someone who will wait for return.”

Cullen looked around at the half way restored hold, its empty hallways and the layer of dust already settling over the tables.

“You plan to wait for her here?”

Solas nodded and began to walk slowly down the great hall. His eyes locked on the stained glass window high above where Len’Melava once sat as Inquisitor.

“This is her home.”

* * *

 

One Year Later

“Taren, Vhena! You were to stay with Da and Dorian! Masal din’an!” Mel knew she must look ridiculous to the trader standing nearby, as she waved her arm wildly and hurried toward her two small children.

“I should apologize for my lack of attentiveness little one but they are incredibly small and fast. I scarcely looked away and they took advantage of my much slower reflexes.”

Mel rolled her eyes as she snatched her children’s hands as best she could with the only hand she had left and with their pleas of “Mamae! Cakes!” pulled them away from the trader as he attempted to continue through newly established New Haven.

“They get their mischievousness from their uncle.”

Dorian cut his eyes at her.

“Alright, fine. My mother would tell you it was my own and that I deserve every bout of apoplexy they give me for all that I put her through when I was their age.”

Dorian merely hummed before swinging both twins onto the back of the massive hart and wrapping them in a thick woolen blanket to keep the cold wind from biting at their small fingers and toes.

“Tell me again why we left the golden shores of Antiva for this frozen wasteland.”

Mel ran her hand down the warm fur covering Da’s neck and watched the surrounding towns bustle.

“We came to see the rebuilt Haven. This is all Leliana’s doing.”

“And I understand your sentiment. However it is the dead of winter, there are parts of me literally at risk of freezing off.”

Mel smiled up at Taren when he pulled on a lock of her hair.

“Garas, let’s get Master Dorian into the tavern and warmed up shall we?”

Taren and Vhena bounced in their seats shouting words of excitement.

“Do you think we will recognize anyone?” Mel asked once they stabled Da and hurried the children to a quiet corner of the newly opened tavern, the Singing Maiden.

Dorian handed the children each an apple.

“I suppose many of the residents will be refugees from Crossroads or Redcliffe. Why? Do you want to be recognized?”

Mel ignored the surreptitious glances she knew she was receiving from the other patrons.

“Not particularly.”

Dorian studied the quiet woman seated across from him. It had only been four years since he first met her but she had quickly become the dearest to him. He believed the reason he was so drawn to her was because of the terrible history she had with his family. It was the reason he had been putting off a painful conversation.

“How does it feel to be so close to home?”

Mel blinked her eyes from her daughter to her friend.

“I don’t have a home Dorian. Dragon’s burned it to the ground.”

Dorian shook his head.

“You know I wasn’t speaking of Arlathan little one.”

Mel sighed and again turned to watch her daughter chew happily on her apple, tucking a stray lock of hair behind the girls pointed ear.

“We could go there you know. Would scarcely take a day with the wee ones on that beast of yours.”

“I want to Dorian. I willingly acknowledge that I wish to return more than anything, if only to feel the magic running over my skin that I could only feel there. It was part of the draw that led me to bringing us to see New Haven in all its rebuilt glory.”

“But…”

Mel ran her shaking hand through her hair in frustration.

“If I go, then I might not wish to leave. And that’s not what I dreamed of for myself.”

Dorian felt guilt at the pain in her bright green eyes, guilt for what he knew he had to say next.

“Mel… one of the reasons I agreed to journey here with you is that I hopped to convince you to stay at Skyhold. I’ve received news that my father is dead. One of my oldest friends has asked that I join her in reforming the Imperium. I plan to join her in Minrathous, taking my father’s place in the Magisterium.”

Mel refused to look at him, forcing her eyes to stay on her children, refusing to believe that again someone wished to leave her. She knew that wouldn’t be fair to one of her oldest friends, one of the few she had left so she jerked her chin into a small nod.

“I refuse to allow you to turn yourself into some delicate flower. You’re made of sterner stuff than that.” Dorian said gruffly.

“What would you know?” She said with a sulk in her voice.

“I know a woman who deserves to settle down in a drafty old castle, teaching her two urchins how to hunt, and ride horses, and read, and whip any enemy of theirs with the snap of their fingers. And they deserve that life as well.”

Mel sighed. She never told anyone what she learned that day in the rebel sanctuary. For all she knew the world could end tomorrow or a thousand years from now.

“I’ll think on it Dorian. But whatever I decide… know that I freely support your wishes and despite your history with your father, he was your father, and I am sorry for your loss.”

Dorian sat for a moment before reaching into a pouch on his belt.

“You have been my closest friend this past year and I couldn’t bear to think of not telling you every thought I’ve had or any adventure I’ve come across so I made this when I received the letter from my friend Maevaris. It’s a crystal for you to keep, and look I have one as well. With these we will still be able to speak just as we are now. Only your view won’t be as pretty.” He hoped to cheer them both with his grin and wink. To his relief she smiled even if it didn’t quite reach her eyes and accepted his gift.

* * *

 

The sound of early morning songbirds awoke Solas from his fitful dreams. Each night as he lay in the bed he had used during his days with the Inquisition, he promised himself that he would not dream. That he would stay within his own mind.

And each night he still dreamed.

Dreams where he reached out to Len’Melava, and she reached for him in return.

He sighed and pulled himself from the warmth of his narrow bed in the barracks and began his daily routine. A small breakfast before a quick run down the list of Skyholds needs for the day as he lowered the gate for the days incoming or departing guests.

First would be negotiations with farmers from New Haven about the wool he had raised. The stone master was to return with more stone for repairs in the north tower. Traders were due to deliver a shipment of steel and wheat.

As he sat near the fire in the great hall, he nodded to several nobles traveling to Redcliffe Castle, with a small stop at the once Inquisition stronghold.

He didn’t mind their company, as it kept him from getting too lost inside his own mind.

He picked up the sound of the entry ways heavy door opening.

“Welcome to Skyhold, you’re welcome to food and drink as well as the fire to warm yourself. You only need help yourself and I’ll begin our meeting once you’re settled.” He said kindly but with his attention still on his notes.

He was startled by the sound of small but quick steps and the sudden appearance of two nearly identical faces at his side.

He immediately noticed they were elvhen and very familiar.

“Aneth ara da’len.” Solas said in a kind voice, his eyes studied their features. A boy and a girl, they had wildly dark hair and wide grey eyes, mischievous giggles answering his greeting.  

“What happened to your hair?” The girl asked with innocence.

Solas hesitated.

“That… is actually a very long tale.”

“Is it because you’re old?” The boy asked.

Solas, for the first time in a very long time laughed quietly.

“It is true that when I was very young, I too had wild dark hair like yourselves.”

“Taren, Vhena! Why do you never wait-“

Solas rushed to his feet as the sound of Len’Melava’s voice echoed into the great hall. He turned to find her wide eyed and frozen. She had changed very little in the year since he had last seen her. Hair kept short, cheeks rosy from the cold. Her eyes the same bright green and still haunted.

“Mamae, Mamae! He said we could eat!” the boy cried out in excitement and skipped over to Len’Melava.

Solas couldn’t identify the feelings rushing through every inch of his body.

The boys pull on her hand seemed to shake Len’Melava from her own frozen state of shock and she moved her uncertain gaze to her son.

“And did you thank him?”

With an annoyed sigh that only someone so young could create, he turn to look at Solas.

“Thank you for the hospitality ser.”

“Thank you!” pipped in the girl.

Solas could only give a stiff nod before the two children ran to the nearest table laden with dried meats and bread rolls. After a moment watching the children snatch up food, he moved to pour them water from a ewer.

He couldn’t take his eyes off of them.

“I told you that your spies didn’t know everything.” Len’Melava said from behind him.

“No… it seems they did not. How could they not know?” Solas asked.

He heard the sigh she gave before moving to take a seat by the fire, after a moment more of watching the two children eat heartily, he followed suit and took the seat across the fire. He gave his attention to Len’Melava.

“After the victory over Corypheus something changed- changed in me. My memories returned. I remembered my childhood, my mother and brother. Arlathan.” She turned fire lit eyes from the children, meeting his own. “I remembered the Dread Wolf. And tucked away in those memories I remembered Shiral and I could see him in Fenris.” She took a deep breath. “When I escaped from the Magister he punished Shiral. Cursed him to be reborn, forced to live countless pain filled lives. Lives of betrayal and torture. And I knew how to free him.”

Solas had the urge to apologize for not saving her brother himself but did not wish to interrupt her story. He could see the anguish in her eyes.

“I convinced Fenris and Hawke to try my plan and Cole followed. Your spies-“ Solas held back his flinch at that bite in her voice, the flash in her eyes. “-may have told you about a journey I took to the deep roads-“ she didn’t wait for him to acknowledge what she already knew. “-rather than that, we searched for what was left in Arlathan. It wasn’t until we were well on our way before I learned I was with child. And I refused to give up my quest to free my brother of his curse so I stubbornly continued.

The search took months. But I was determined to succeed and so I did. We were half starved and exhausted but I found where Arlathan had once ruled our civilization and found the answers I needed to free Uth’Shiral. The ritual was… difficult and taxing and here I was nearing the time of birth of two children.”

Solas clenched his hands into fists, he felt as if he were drowning, helpless. All he could do was watch as tears filled her eyes and slowly slipped down her cheek.

“I was no fool. I knew what my place in this world would mean for their safety. They did not have a father and I was a danger to them.” Len’Melava cut her eyes away in anger. “For one sickening moment I actually- I actually considered leaving them with strangers. Abandoning them. Instead I brought them to Skyhold but I knew I could not safely call them my own.”

“Len’Melava…” Solas whispered, his heart shattering for the pain he had caused her.

She surprised him when she quickly moved from her chair to kneel before him, covering one of his hands with her own, she stared up at him with wide eyes shining with emotions he could only speculate about.

“I want to thank you Solas… That day last day- you made me realize what was important. I realized that I was choosing the Inquisition over those two little innocent lives. Just as you were choosing your anger and guilt over me. I understood you. But I didn’t want to become you.”

Solas released a breath that he had not even realized he held and cupped her cheek with his palm.

“I’m a foolish old man who has seen too much… “

“Tell me Solas. Will you run from me?”

Solas gently pulled Len’Melava to sit on his lap, tipping his chin to gaze up at her.  

“The time for my running away has passed. Instead of looking for a time that is long forgotten, I should be helping to rebuild the present. You have inspired change in not only the world, but in me. The world owes you so much Len’Melava, but I… I owe you the world. I know what you dreamed of for yourself. Tell me… why did you return?”

Mel shifted and rested her head on his shoulder, an unfamiliar contentment settling over her. As she pondered her answer Taren and Vhena curled up in the chair she had vacated, watching their mother curiously.

“I was going to do it. We were in Antiva, looking for a ship and crew to set sail and explore. To sail into the unknown. But I kept finding excuses to delay, and then I received word that the Divine was rebuilding Haven. And the closer I got, the strong the pull I felt. I had expected to find a still crumbling castle, forgotten in the mountains. Imagine my surprise. How long have you been here?”

“I arrived just days after you left.”

Len’Melava picked up her head and gazed down at him.

“And you stayed?”

Solas nodded.

“You were always the one to wait. I felt it was my turn.”

“And if I had never returned?”

“Then I would have waited still… But I knew someday that you would.”

“How?”

“You need Skyhold just as much as Skyhold needs you. Skyhold is a part of me, you are a part of me. You are home for me. Child from a lost time… you are home.”

 ~fin

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N I can’t believe I finished it! Whew! I hope you all enjoyed this story. As most of you will know I drastically changed the ending because I can’t wait until Bioware puts out a new DA game. And because I’m insane I’m already starting research for another story running through my mind. As much as I obsess about Solavellan, I can’t get over the adorableness of Cullavellan. Until then my friends. (Hot damnnn Bioware can make men.)


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